All for Equality and  Adoption is Equally “Unnatural” for the Gay or Straight

Many adoptive parents and adoptees are up in arms regarding the recent statement by John Eastman, chairman of the National Organization for Marriage. In his argument against the Supreme Court’s review of DOMA and California’s Prop 8, he said:

You’re looking at what is the best course societywide to get you the optimal result in the widest variety of cases. That often is not open to people in individual cases. Certainly adoption in families headed, like Chief Roberts’ family is, by a heterosexual couple, is by far the second-best option.

Really? Adoption has No Part in the Same Sex Marriage Equation

The effect of this comment “Adoption is a second best option” has, as Adam Pertman writes in HuffPo, “blood of millions of people throughout the United States and beyond…. boiling” and the internet response has begun!

• MSNBC has articles tying in the two; http://tv.msnbc.com/2013/03/22/dinner-table-conversation-inspired-letter-on-gay-adoption-to-chief-justice-roberts-preteen-scribe-says/
• PolicyMic: http://www.policymic.com/articles/31208/antonin-scalia-gay-marriage-justice-wrong-about-same-sex-parenthood
• Washington Post: http://www.washingtonpost.com/blogs/wonkblog/wp/2013/03/27/sorry-justice-scalia-theres-no-evidence-that-gay-parents-arent-great-parents/

I was alerted this morning to another article in Esquire magazine where the author, Tom Junod, a straight man and adoptive father claims that War on Gay Marriage Turned Into a War on Adoption. While I applaud the author for reversing his feelings and supporting Marriage Equality, I find the commentary about a “war” to be ridiculous. I like that he can see himself as the same a gay couple, but really, the defense and “protection” of your child is what lead you there? I just can’t follow this line of thinking:

Adoption is not essential to same-sex marriage; it is, however, essential to many same-sex couples who wish to build families, and since families present all marriages with a built-in case for their own legitimacy, it is adoption, as well as same-sex marriage, that has come under attack.

Forgive me as I try to break this down for my own understanding:

• Gay or straight, it doesn’t matter.
• A true “marriage” has been defined by a group of bigots as requiring the procreation of children.
• Children and family make a marriage real.
• The argument against gay marriage is due to the fact that they can’t make biological children and somehow “have to” adopt.
• Which allows other stupid bigots to say obviously insulting things about adoption, like, you know that it is “adoption is second best.”
• And that bonds together EVERY adoptive parent in the country, gay or straight, as they defend adoption as  “another way to build a family”.

If I am reading this correctly, adoptive parents should support DOMA  not because it is the right of grown adults to legally join together in a socially accepted manner just like other grown adults no matter what sex the parties might be, but because they must defend adoption? And the legitimacy of adoption is under attack and being called “second best” by a dufuss, who is expected to say horrible dufuss like things, and manages to insult and offend everybody, but now, egads, he has questioned the oh mighty grail of perfection: adoption. Where is my pitchfork?

Of course, it is worthwhile to note this dufuss neither knows or cares anything about adoption, but because his blatant fear of homosexuality causes him to grasp at anything possible, even if highly improbable or even if perfectly true, yet said for the wrong reasons by a true moron.

Yes, you read that right. I basically just agreed with the prejudice dufuss.

Adoption IS Second Best

For the record, I am fully, 100% in favor of same sex marriages. I really don’t care who people marry. If people are happy and treat each other well; I’ll throw rice at anyone. I do believe in equality for all, LGBT, straight, black, etc. And I equally believe that adoption is a second best option for either sexes, and by that I mean a gay or straight adoptee, a gay or straight parents, two mommies, two daddies, the Beaver Cleavers, and all the single parents, male or female, who adopt too. Guess what? In  perfect world that we would all like, we would not have the need for adoption.

In a perfect world, children would be born at the most optimum time to parents that were perfectly set up to care for them. We wouldn’t have the issues facing society as a whole, and the adoption industry specifically, which would “necessitate” the separation of children from families and all children would be loved, raised, and protected by their biological families. That kind of makes it choice number one, at least, perhaps, from the adopted person’s point of view.

Of course, since we do not live in a perfect word, not all children do get to stay with their biological families. Poverty, support, abuse, neglect, addictions, corruption, lack of support, etc all contribute, for better or for worse, do create children that have been deemed available for adoption. You know, because, the first option, of being raised by their biological parents, is no longer on the table, so they, you know, need to move on, from ONE to TWO. I’m not being that subtle, am I?

OK, maybe it is not the “second” wording that is so offensive, but the question of whether or not adoption can be good enough to be considered “best”? You know, like “How DARE YOU insinuate that I am not the BEST parent possible for MY child?”

I don’t know. I’m just guessing really. See the thing is.. it doesn’t really matter. Whether or not Supreme Court Chief Justice John Roberts, President Ronald Reagan, singer Marie Osmond, actor Hugh Jackman, journalist Judy Woodruff, basketball great Magic Johnson, Adam Pertman, or Tom Junod are great parents or not still has NOTHING to DO with MARRIGE EQUALITY for SAME SEX COUPLES.

The Right to Marry does NOT Equal the Right to Adopt

Justice Scalia seems to be the one who was stupid enough to tie adoption and gay marriage equality together.

If you redefine marriage to include same-sex couples, you must — you must permit adoption by same-sex couples, and there’s —­ there’s considerable disagreement among — among sociologists as to what the consequences of raising a child in a — in a single-sex family, whether that is harmful to the child or not. Some States do not — do not permit adoption by same-sex couples for that reason.

I find it insane that he can argue whether or not being raised by a same sex couple is OK for children without bothering to think about whether or not it is OK for a child to be separated from their original family in the first place. Can we talk about what is really harmful to children here? How about the loss of their identity, their heritage, their roots, their civil rights, hmmm…..?

I would think, in today’s uber-PC environment, with today’s generations accustomed to seeing and accepting homosexuality everywhere, that having two daddies or two mommies is not going to be all that big of a deal. I look at my own children and they are so “gay friendly” I should have rainbow flags tattooed on their foreheads. Scarlett is constantly creating huge lesbian families on Sims. I don’t care, Rye does not care, and our kids are not raised to care. It’s not the two mommies or two daddies.

It’s not the “gay” that makes adoption lesser, for adoption is an equal opportunity loss provider. Children who are adopted, no matter how wonderful their gay or straight parents are, have already experienced a known harmful trauma; the breakage and separation from their original family.  It’s not that they are getting substitute Daddy in place of a substitute mommy, or trading a daddy for a second mommy that is adding to the issues. It’s that the mommy and dada that they were born to have been replaced at all: period.

But that STILL has nothing to do with Marriage Equality. Nothing.

It’s Not About Adoption; It’s Not About You

Just because some morons tie in adoption to same sex marriage or the constitutionality of saying marriage is only legitimate between a man and a women, doesn’t mean you have to take the bait. Just because the same moron insults adoption doesn’t mean that we have to go off defending adoption or debating it’s second best-ness when discussing marriage equality. The better answer would not be to defend adoption’s legitimacy, but to bring the conversation back to what the DOMA arguments are really about. It’s about the human right of all people to be treated equally under law.

The same tactic is consistently used when discussing Adoptee Rights. The media and politicians love to make OBC access about reunions, but that’s not the issue, either.  Reunions are a possible side effect of an adoptee knowing their original identity, but the act of having or not having a reunion should not be used when arguing for or against OBC access.  An adoptee’s access to their original birth certificate is simple about the human right of all people to be treated equally under law.

We don’t have to defend reunions, nor do we have to defend adoption. We really just need to decide if we feel that  all people have a human right to be with the person they love and have the same rights and privileges as the rest of us. Doesn’t matter  whether adoption is involved or not. It’s not about adoption. It’s not about you as an adoptive parent if some idiot insults your family. It’s not about me being worried that there will be more of a demand to adopt. It’s just about human rights.

Let’s stick to that, shall we?