When Does it Become Enough?

So if you just returned from a tropical island getaway, or have been completely entranced with all things Veronica Rose Brown or don’t visit AdoptionLand that often or maybe you just got out of a coma, then perhaps you missed the BIG DEAL that is the HUGE investigation of done by Reuters about Re-Homing in Adoption. Oh, we are so horrified, but is it finally enough??

Reuters Investigates Adoption

I’ll break it down for you if you don’t have the time to read the whole thing, but I really DO recommend that you DO read the whole thing because it’s pretty wonderful in a OMG-this-is-horrible kind of way. Perhaps I am just excited that main stream media is shining such a bright light on the negative aspects of adoption in the USA.

So part one of the report talks about the Re-Homing Adoption Network: The five Yahoo email groups that are now shut down, how the adoptive parents are at their wits ends in adoption nightmares and turn to the groups and how pretty much anyone can fake credentials and trade off kids.

Then part two discusses the dangers of Re-Homing in adoption;  Also know as let’s focus on the child molesters and real life child abusers that turn to the re-homing networks because they are seriously crazy and desperate and no one in their right mind would let them near a living breathing child, because keeping that child living and breathing is not their priority.

Part three brings in the Middlemen of Adoption Re-Homing; The well intentioned, but we really have no idea what we are getting ourselves into, people that facilitate and “connect” the desperate adoptive parents that long to get away from their children with the desperate might be shady can’t wait to take those horrible adoptees off your hands. On a personal note, I was happy to see my old friend Lynn Banks had a roll in calling out these creeps. Lynn is a fabulously wonderful person who has spent YEARS tacking some really BAD characters in adoption; professional shirkers and skammers and all around bad dudes.

Part four of the Failures of Adoption Re-Homing Series continues to focus on the one horrible woman and her nasty entourage; how she managed to trick people and get her hands on adopted kids for abuse. We also hear about the sad results of these kids who defiantly did get their promised “forever families”. I think the most telling aspect of part four is the Q&A at the end where it plainly states that pretty much federal law doesn’t really have any way to regulate adoption. Because, you know, it’s ONLY the welfare of children that we are talking about!

And to bring the matter home the fifth and final part of the Adoption Re-Homing Series; the Survivors‘ describes what it feels like for these kids. It’s not for the faint of heart.

So, of course this, as I said, has been a HUGE deal.

And everyone is like “OMG this is HORRIBLE!!!” and ” Holy CRAP, I had NO IDEA!!” and then all like “HOW could PEOPLE DO THIS to children…”

Oh, Re-Homing is Awful, MOST Adoptions are LOVELY!

I have been known to get annoyed when an individual does that whole “sorry, but that is an exception; you need to remember that most adoptions are just wonderful” standardized dismissal. It’s particularly infuriating when it comes from the national spokespeople on adoption.. and truthfully, we don’t have to wonder why so many people think it’s OK to do this when the muther-fucker professionals lead by this example.

So The National Council for Adoption steps in and says:

OMG that’s BAD..yah, really bad…… but..

“Although NCFA takes very seriously the concern of adoption dissolution, we believe it is  important to provide the perspective that while any amount of these unethical child placements is unacceptable, they are a distinct minority of adoptions. This significant concern is a small portion of the many children living in informal care settings that may be unsafe for them – the vast majority of those being U.S.-born children placed there by biological parents.”

And then NCFA President Chuck Johnson is quoted as saying:

 “These are tragic stories with a link to adoption, but the reality is that adoption is a vastly successful solution for nearly all of the children who find families. As we work to bring greater protection to children and stronger support services to families and children, it would be a greater tragedy to falsely conclude that these stories are a complete representation of adoption. In actuality, millions of children have found life and hope in families through adoption”

Well that’s all NICE and GOOD Chuck, but really WHAT ABOUT THE ADOPTIONS THAT REALLY SUCKED?? Does the bed time “exception” story make then feel better?

And then EBD says:  They “are certainly exceptions in the world of adoption, but they also are unnerving and should serve as a wakeup call for us all to finally pay attention and take much-needed action.”

Yes, Do You Think We Should Say Adoption Re-Homing is a Problem?

Yes,  we probably SHOULD FINALLY PAY ATTENTION!!!!

Umm.. guys…not for NOTHING, but I am NOT an NATIONAL Think Tank or the COUNCIL that gets a ridiculous amount of funding to actually PAY ATTENTION TO ADOPTION or has celebrities come to my fundraisers or anything like that. Like really, let’s be honest here: I am a foul mouthed tattooed crazy red head in upstate NY who seriously spends too much time in front of the computer and umm…

Guys. I have known about this SHIT FOR YEARS!!!

I’m sorry, but really? Let’s NOT pretend that “Oh MY GOD we had NO IDEA!!..shit.. we DEMAND this stop!! sputter sputter!

I have been TELLING people about this crap for years. If I knew it, then I am sorry, you damn well knew about it too. Now, I didn’t nearly make it sound as good as Reuters did, but  you know again; they are Reuters. I am one chick in the Hudson Valley. They have funding. I have Google.  But, I have been saying it!! It goes like this;

“Yeah and then, there are all these underground networks. It’s crazy. Totally illegal and no one is even watching. They move kids from one adoptive family to another. Sometimes it’s because the kids aren’t meeting their expectations or something.. or they don’t “bond” as expected.”

Here’s a little secret for you..  So you know,  maybe you can do more than just SPUTTER when Reuters or 60 Minutes or someone catches you with your pants down the next time; IT’S STILL GOING ON!!  And it’s GOING TO CONTINUE.

None of this Sputtering is Going to Make Re-Homing Stop in Adoption

Now I do wish I had thought to take a screen shot of the Facebook page the other day. But as of  September 23th, it was still on Facebook:  https://www.facebook.com/secondchanceadoptions.

Alas, I only have the proof via the google indexing.. oh WAIT! Good thing I am such a freaking geek because woopee! Cached versions! ( page might show nothing if Google re indexes this)   Yeah. I rock. I got screen shots:

Right now the page is down on Facebook. It very well could be because SO MANY PEOPLE WERE HORRIFIED and they know how to report Facebook pages these days even if Facebook claimed, unlike Yahoo, that  no terms of services were broken by ADVERTISING CHILDREN on the internet! But as you can see; it’s pretty much advertising for children on the internet!

Yes, Yahoo shut down the groups, but Yahoo is not the only method. Google has groups. Any forum software can be set up in hours and have secret boards and groups. I am sure these groups maintained data bases of email address. Don’t think for one second that they haven’t just set up shop somewhere else, just being a little bit more cautious, a little bit more secretive. Or, right out in the open on  someplace, like.. I don’t know; FACEBOOK and their WEBSITES?

“Second Chance Adoptions”

Oh, but there is NOTHING wrong with this page (except that between yesterday when I looked at it and today; it’s NOW all down and under construction!! Oh thank goodness, I got more screen shots!) . THESE adoptions are legal  because there is an agency behind it. OK. I will concede that there is a sense of “yes, we are weeding out the perverts and pedophiles”.

This is from the site and page before they got taken down:

This is a private adoption, so a state or foster homestudy would not work. A private domestic or international homestudy by a state licensed adoption agency or adoption social worker would be required.

An adoption is a legal process, so there are some costs for this adoption. We cannot answer questions left as comments, below, so please write to us at secondchance@wiaa.org

More Screen Shots:

Wasatch International Adoptions really LOOKS to  be about “waiting children”.  As in kids that have serious issues and really need help. I even pulled their 1099’s and they aren’t rolling in the money which oddly enough, as a 501c3 adoption agency, NOT rolling in the money actually makes me feel a bit more cautious:  Wasatch International Adoptions federal tax forms 2010

I just followed a bunch of links and ended up on a bunch of pages where they had pictures of Chinese babies with cleft palates and smiling eyes. You know what? My heart breaks too. I mean, I am not made of stone. I tried being sneaky and follow link to other pages an groups so I could expose the bad guys. I don’t have the stomach for it. Seriously, hats off to Reuters.

• https://www.facebook.com/RainbowKids
• http://www.rainbowkids.com/
• http://archive.constantcontact.com/fs124/1101154865724/archive/1114782011426.html

Are they do gooders? Is there a fox in the hen house? I don’t know. So let’s focus on what we do know and what we can learn from the Adoption Re-Homing Scandal.

I don’t know if I can say that is it better for a child to have to stay with a family that obviously does NOT have the skills or tools or the desire to help that child. It doesn’t matter what I feel about the parents who have made the choice to adopt a child and then do not, for whatever reason, desire to continue their care. Maybe there is an excuse for that level of desperation, maybe there is not.  I’m not into arguing about whether or not  the adoptive parents are right or wrong or justified. In my opinion, I think the important conversation is how they GET to that place to being with.

The Concept of Adoption Failed Everyone

The adoption professionals and the adoption agencies created the environment that allowed re-homing to happen. Here’ are some key direct quotes from the Reuters Investigative pieces so you can’t pretend that I made this stuff up:

• There’s no uniform law governing adoption in the United States.
• When adoptions are finalized in foreign courts, no third party is required to follow up on what happens after the child reaches America
• State laws vary on how children available for adoption can be advertised and who can list them.
• Agencies aren’t required to assist struggling families after the adoption is finalized, and many don’t.
• Adoption agencies  face no repercussions for failing to disclose pre-existing problems of children they place.
• Of the quarter-million foreign children brought to this country through adoption since the late 1990s. Their fate in America has never been systematically examined.

Yet, they made millions, billions even, of dollars through the transferring of children. And it is often the same adoption agencies, again and again, who we hear about. Nightlight Christian Adoption Services, at the heart of the unethical adoption of Veronica Rose Brown, was also involved in this story and washed their hands of a child brought to America upon their doing.

Adoption agencies can advertise whatever they want and no one cares. They can say whatever they want  in order to get the adoptive families to be beholden to them,. They collect insane amounts of cash in fees and often, by time the lies are revealed and the red flags go up, the adoptive families feel they  would endanger their chances to fulfill their dreams or let a child down, so they continue on with the process. They are not prepared for the realities of adoption They are not told of the issues their kids might have. They are then left on their own with no support except what the community has managed to create for itself, and the agencies was their hands of them. The adoption is finalized and the professionals are off to  find another family to exploit for profits. Meanwhile, there are no official government entities that check up on the welfare of the children or help parents that get in over their heads or hold the agencies responsible.

You know what? I am not going to cast blame upon these families for doing exactly what I did; believing the professionals, trusting the mythology of adoption. I am going to say to us all; the government, the adoption professionals, the families that have had positive experiences and don’t want to face the ugly reality, the think tanks, the councils, the man on the street who says “how terrible!”

When are we going to be willing to a face the fact that ADOPTION needs a HUGE overhaul? What is it going to take before we see that we NEED to FIX ADOPTION?

How many more children need to be sold into slavery? How many more birthmothers must kill themselves over the grief of losing their children? How many more adoptees must kill themselves? How many more adoptive families must fear for their lives?  How many more adoptees must dig their own graves, or be killed or go missing os become wards of the state? How many more adoptees must die form not knowing their medical history? How many more fathers must be screwed out of their paternal rights? When are we going to be able to say more than “this is the exception”?

When does it become ENOUGH?