My Clift Notes of What I Say  by Request Part III

So in part one of Talking About Adoptee Rights To Legislators, I talked about not so much what I say, but how I say it and in part two we framed out all the reasons why Adoptee Rights legislation makes sense. Now we get to the nitty gritty arguments of the supposed “birthmother confidentiality”

What’s the opposition?

They also might have grasped where we are going and interject their own views now about the issue and drag in reunions. Maybe they have their own story of a friend or a loved one. If the story supports OBC access, then I cheer in agreement I talk about how changes in OBC legislation would keep that from being an issue.  If not then, I again, make my deep listening faces, and counter with the facts.

The Dreaded Myths of Birthmother Confidentiality!!

Needless to say this is where we must bring in the mythology of “birthmother confidentially and privacy”. I do not hem and haw, I do not pretend that this idea does not exist. We dive right into the lion’s den of fears and mythology.

“The opposition mostly banks on what I call “adoption mythology”- that birthmothers need somehow to be protected from their children and there were supposed “promises” that the adoption would be confidential.”

Now at this point, we have to expect that this thought is still real for them.  They often act like they have heard this before and believe it. Again, it’s a matter of  happy explaining simple points of truth.

“But there could not have been any promises of confidentiality .. and if an agency did they were lying.. because there was no confidentiality!

And explain…

“See, when a mother relinquishes her parental rights, she signs the relinquishment consent. She is only giving up her parental responsibility. The OBC is still valid until AFTER then adoption is finalized. That is often months and sometimes years later, Further=more, if perchance the adoption didn’t go through ad the child was never adopted, then the OBC is never sealed. And she has no say no it.. she has given up all her legal rights already!”

“The state could not have promised confidentiality because there is no confidentiality to give.  The OBC is a public record until an adoption is finalized.  If finalization doesn’t occur, the OBC remains open.  Although the birth parent has relinquished, the birth certificate is still valid and open, and can be accessed by government workers, birth parents, birth grandparents, adult siblings, spouses, and adult children.  Unless an adoption is finalized, the original birth certificate is not sealed. “

On No, They Bring Up Abortion and Adoptee Rights?

Now sometimes they bring up that they are afraid that more mothers would choose abortion, if OBC access came to reality. No matter what you feel about abortion and choice, just stay with facts:

• In every state that has laws allowing adoptees to access their OBC, abortion rates are lower than they are in states that seal the OBC
• In the two states where records were never sealed, Alaska and Kansas, abortion rates are lower than the national average AND surrounding states.
• In Alabama, where OBC access laws became effective in the year 2000, abortions declined 16% between 2000 and 2005 compared with 9% in the nation as a whole.
• Abortion is a reproductive decision.  Adoption is a parenting decision.  And adult adoptee access to the OBC is not a decision but a civil right.

Adoptee Rights Does NOT Lower Adoption Rates!

Maybe they will bring up that mothers will not “choose” adoption if there is no more privacy? Again, go with facts:

• The traditional “closed” adoption of the past is not  what people are looking for anymore. In fact, when the adoption rates feel drastically in the 1970’s, the adoption agencies did studies to find out why mothers were not considering adoption and the result was the introduction of open adoptions where everyone does known each other and have contact. ( yes, this is said with a smile and no mention of adoptions closing or contact agreements validity!)
• States that have open records and no secrecy have higher adoption rates.  Women who are reassured of future contact with their child and will know that the child is doing well are more likely to place the child for adoption. So openness actually promotes adoption. ( yes, I am still smiling when I say this)
• The Donaldson adoption research institute did a study in 2012 “Closed” infant adoptions have shrunk to a tiny minority and 95 percent of the adoption agencies now offer open adoptions.

You must, though, always be ready for the story of the birthmother quaking in her shoes worried about being found. It will come up.

Birthmothes Are Not Helpless and Adoptees Are Not Stalkers!

“The US is one of the last states to address this, so we have the data form other countries who have open records for decades. We also have the data form the US states that have successfully introduced legislation.  And across the board, less than 1% of birthmothers will opt for no contact when presented with the opportunity. “

“Plus, it’s not really needed anyway. It’s not like being adopted turns a person into a deranged stalker! There are no known cases of an adoptee forcing contact upon a birth parent and the birth parent having to resort to the criminal justice system.  Everyone is fully aware of the sensitivity and if an adoptee gets told no, they leave the birth parent alone!  However, if it were to happen, all citizens have the same option to utilize stalking, harassment, and privacy laws.”

“So here we have old laws, created on old beliefs, that supposedly protected less than 1% of people who neither want nor were promised protections at the risk of denying over 6 million others their civil rights?”

Now, “birthmother privacy” IS usually the main argument, so more back up facts. Pull out the “big guns” aka Elizabeth J. Samuels’ research:

Actual Surrender Documents Tell the Truth About Privacy

“Elizabeth J. Samuels, an attorney and professor at the University of Baltimore, conducted a research study that looked into the supposed promises and the legally of privacy in terms of OBC access. She looked at 75 actual surrender documents from all over the country over a course of time  in terms of the legal implications and found that there was not a single implied or otherwise possible misconstrued  condition of confidentiality extended to the mothers relinquishing. And in fact, in over 40% of the actual legal documents signed, any mention of privacy was extended on behalf of the adopted parents to be “protected” from the birthmother’s influence. Would you like the study? I can send you the document.”

“Plus, other studies polls and anecdotal  information clear says that mothers do not desire to be kept from our children, but rather we all worry and wonder if they are ok and welcome contact.”

And then, we pull out my favorite coup d’état;

DNA Testing and Privacy in the Social Media Age

“We know now that it is human nature to want to know where we come from. No state, no law, no degree, no signed papers, can change that. No matter what the state governments have or have not done in the past, adoptees search anyway if they want to.”

“What could not have been known when these laws went into effect is the use of DNA testing and the rise of social media today.”

“We have DNA testing now! Across the whole community, we have members submitting their cheek swabs and sending their cells into the ever growing data bases. Now, they are not being matched with their birthmothers or fathers or even siblings directly. Matches are commonly made from 3rd or 4th cousins back along the family tree and then the stories of the adoption are shared. With the remote family members then becoming the guides that ask hard questions within the family; trying to find the mother who relinquished her child. Talk about skeletons in the closet!”

“Have you seen any of the hundreds of Adoptee Search photos on Facebook??  Adoptees by the hundreds are posting images of themselves with whatever bits of information they have about their own births and posting them to Facebook, or making Facebook pages, or making YouTube videos. Then they beg for people to share them and hope that the local papers lifestyle section picks it up as a human interest story! These images are being shared all over nationally both inside and outside the adoption community in the hopes that someone… perhaps a sister’s friend, or a cousin, or a babysitter, school mate or neighbor …might recognize the face and the circumstances surrounding the story.  “Doesn’t she look like sally and wasn’t here a rumor about her having  baby?’

How is asking strangers to remembers decades old rumors and then act on them respecting any sort of privacy?”

“So really, Adoptee rights legislation allows these conversations to between the only two people it needs to be!”

BOOM!

Then, you bring it on home:

“In the end, it’s really about treating people equally. Adoptee Rights legislation does not force an adoptee to obtain their original birth certificate. It simply restores this civil and human right to adopted people so that, if they wish to, they can access their birth certificate the same as all other people.  Not different, not special, just equal.”

I have more bits and facts for a part four. I told you, I can do this all day for days!

• Talking About Adoptee Rights To Legislators or Anyone Else Part 1
• Talking About Adoptee Rights To Legislators or Anyone Else Part 2
• Talking About Adoptee Rights To Legislators or Anyone Else Part 3
• Talking About Adoptee Rights To Legislators or Anyone Else Part 4
• What NOT to do When Talking about Adoptee Rights or How We Get Better Part V