Visit The Adoption Truth Store on Cafe Press
Most of these, I created because I WANTED them and there was nothing else like it out there. There are a bunch more things there, as I just updated the store and had a tiny bit too much fun. Well, actually I moved it to a new one since they wouldn’t let me update the old one decently and THEN, I made a bunch of new stuff.
I mean, where else can you get an “adoption” flask? Or an Adoption Kool Aid Pint Glass? Or a pill box? Or a poster of ..ME! Yup, only at the Adoption Truth Store!!
There is a small markup on the items that I usually use to buy more stuff like I did last year for the Adoptee Rights Demonstration. In other words, I don’t make money off of these, but I suppose I could if hundreds were sold, but I don’t expect that! I can usually make anything so if you want something that is not there, let me know!
Look for Adoptee Rights Products as well!
Absolutely no adoptive mother I know feels that way about the birth mother of their child.
That shirt does not help to heal, bridge a gap or cause reform.
anonymous, want to make a bet? Just the fact that you use the term “birth mother” as the term you are familiar with and the one that would normally comes to mind implies that either you are not aware of what this term means, or that you are aware of what it means and by this you contradict yourself.
I am a natural mother, a first mother, a mother. but I am not a “birth mother” because I am still a mother of the child I lost to adoption and he will tell you that too. He even calls me “Mom.”
because the term “birth mother” means someone who is no longer a mother, who could be discarded as unimportant after the act of reproduction was completed and her child taken from her. it essentially means “incubator.”
to be a “birth mother” means to be a former mother. you cannot be both.
for this reason, the word is seen, and used on this t-shirt along with “crack-whore” as pointing out how we are dehumanized and demeaned by the labels imposed upon us. we are mothers, not just birth-mothers. the industry wants to amputate our motherhood, to figuratively “amputate our bodies at the waist” and ignore the parts that have voice, that think, that love.
if you truly do not think this way about us, if no adoptive mother you know feels this way, then why not use a term that supports your contention rather than contradicting every word you say in the same paragraph?
I know you would not say: “Absolutely no adoptive mother I know feels that way about the crack-whore …” So why use the other derogatory term?
See Why Birthmother Means Breeder for more information and if you are not aware that this term hurts many many mothers who have lost children to adoption.
I am a mother, a first mother, or a natural mother, but i am not a “birth mother” because I am still a mother to the child I lost to adoption. He’ll even tell you so, and he calls me “Mom.” If a mother can love two children, why cant a child love more than one mother?
I agree with b that one step to reform would be for the adoption community to stop using the dreadful “birth” label that IS intended to demean and dehumanize. I recoiled the first time I heard it and as I learned more I realized that “birth” mother = a conveniently fertile thing to be discarded. Many adoptive parents make their attitudes especially transparent when they say “our” birth mother. A thing, a thing that we bought and own.
Happy G’Ma
What do you prefer to be referred to as…??? You gave the child up for adoption- you relinguished your parental right- you did nt raise the child ~ you are not the child’s mother… period. You did not “lose” your hild to adoption…you GAVE your child up for adoption. A Mother is a woman who raises a child- who loves and nurtures, teaches and accepts. It has nothing to do with blood.
I was adopted – and never even dreamed of calling the woman who gave birth to me my Mother. I am thankful that she chose to give me life- and thankful that her choice led me to my family… i think of her an an unselfish angel… but not my Mother by any means.
Listen to the mouthpiece speaking for us mother’s and telling us what ‘we did’… go ahead and keep convincing yourself of all these adoption fables and agency and a-parent rewrites. You say, ”and never even dreamed of calling the woman who gave birth to me my Mother.” Yeah, I get it. It would hurt you too much to realize the truth. …because it hurts your adoptive parents too much to consider it any. other. way. than that ‘accepted’ story line.
You have a lot of nerve to speak for us. You are speaking like an adoptive parent who desperately wants to dismiss, diminish, and debase natural mothers. The way you have written this tells me you are desperately trying to hold onto the rehearsed lines of indoctrination so that you do not ”lose your moorings”. If you have not met your natural/first mother.. the words you are using do more than cut like a knife.. rewriting our truths, telling us we had a ”choice”..no little one. Many of us were forced..no choice there. Saying we are ”not the child’s mother”… you may as well be taking a knife and cutting your mother’s heart out. Does that feel good to you? But that’s right she’s/we’re not your ‘mother’.. just some uterus that expelled you, didn’t love you, didn’t nurture you for 9 months (or longer) didn’t want you with every fiber of our being… and nearly died when we lost you.. yes, lost you little one.. slipped out of our reach by a horrible system and often times by the vilest of people… If you ever have something precious like a cherished wedding ring slip out of your hand because of ‘slipperyness’ remember your mother. Remember little one. That that ring doesn’t mean anything compared to what you ment to your mother. ..and just try to get it back before it swirls down the toilet… remember that desperation, that fear, that sorrow, that repulsion at what is taking that ring away… It ain’t nothin’ compared to what your mother very probably felt/feels about the loss of you.
There is nothing so unattractive as anger disguised as gratitude.
Claud, what does the shirt say? I can’t read it. Other than crackwhore birthmother, which gave me a chuckle…lol. You go to any number of boards that have adoptive parents and inevitably most of them whinge about how horrible the crackwhores and dead beats who, incidentally, provided them with a “family” are. I have to think sometimes that they complain in order to justify themselves or convince themselves of something.
There is nothing so unattractive as anger disguised as “reform”.
If “birth mother” is an offensive term I will gladly use another but by the same token, we are not “adoptive mothers” we are the mother of our child.
Well, at least these mothers admit to being angry. They should be angry. Hell, I’m angry for them! If they weren’t angry, they aren’t paying attention. But when anger is disguised as other things, then it gets unattractive.
I don’t see a diguise here. It’s pretty open.
You are missing the point.
Adopted children have 2 mothers and I as an adoptee will always be aware of that. However, in most situations, the woman who adopted then child and in so doing calls herself and becomes a mother often refers to the child’s first mother as the “birthmother” or, even more degrading refer to the first parents as “the bios” and she the mother. Many times they don’t even consider them a mother, but rather a womb or a breeder or biological tissue.
I have two mothers, but I sure as hell don’t say that my mother is not my mother (she’s a friend or an angel or special person but not my mother) and my other mother is my only, real mother because she wiped my ass.
I have two moms. Two moms. Two loving deeply meaningful women who love me and would do anything for me. Each has given me everything and made sacrafices and gone through hell and back for me.
They both deserve the term mother. Always have, always will.
I say ignore anyone who posts under anonymous…..
It’s really a waste of time to debate ethics with cowards.
The front of the shirt says:
so not a
CRACK WHORE
not just a
BIRTHMOTHER
not a family building angel,
nor a saint,
nor a selfless strong girl
either
The back of the shirt says:
just
MOTHER
missing her
CHILD
adoption separates
mothers and children
no one would choose
an eternity of this
ntfsQuite the contrary – I am am not angry but rather a happy, thankful person. I do not hold resentment -I give thanks. I have a wonderful life thanks to the choices that were made by the woman who gave birth to me and by my Mother who adopted me. You are quite humorous to beleive that everyone who disagrees with you and has a good life-good intentions- good feelings must be masking horrible anger?? that is pathetic that you are so bitter you cant fathom true honesty and happiness.
back to the shirt….it’s clearly not designed to “bridge a gap” but to express an opinion and “preach to the choir.” Sort of like my “Who Would Jesus Bomb?” bumper sticker. I’m not aiming to bridge any gaps with it. But I meet like minded souls and get to vent a little. Of course it’s also a risk because it gets an angry reaction from some quarters.
Every movement needs its right to left; both its advocates and zealots. But as a zealot you gotta know that you’re going to get angry reactions….even from people who agree with you sometimes!
I think it’s important to know which we are when and then do our best at it.
Wanda (second mom)
I take my cues from dear daughter on this and she does let me know that her first mom is real.
If you want to read things from people who TOTALLY believe that any woman who gives up or loses her child “dumped” that child and is totally a crackwhore, go read the forum at http://www.hearmyvoice.org
There is a stigma, although not all adoptive parents think way. I don’t think that way. But when people talk about my kids, those kinds of thing definitely come up. Especially because we adopted from foster care, people think our children’s mother must have been a crackwhore. And she actually wasn’t.
Umbil ~ what the hell are you talking about? We have said over and over how much respect we have for the woman who gave birth to children of adoption ~ yet you continue to point out that they are called crack whores and not “thanked” for providing us with chidren? DO YOU HEAR YOURSELF? HOW ABOUT A BIG BIG THANK YOU to all the wonderful parents who adopted and raised the children that you could not!!! They are the definition of what parents are… while you struggle with your loss ~ you should be thankful that people out there adopted these children- just as those who adopted are thankful that you chose life.
Thanks for the reminder last anon of what I should be doing,
1. thanking and being grateful to my adoptive parents for raising me
2. thanking my mother for not aborting me.
That’s right, that is the only acceptable position for an adoptee prostrate and bleeding, and remembering that they don’t *deserve* anything, not life, not being raised, not even their own feelings or the right to call their own mother, mother.
I heart adoption.
Thank you all of you mom, adoptive mom and dad, and let’s not forget dad and his sperm, that I am so grateful he was horny that night.
Wow, how am I going to get anything done under the heavy weight of the mind fuck known as adoption?
But thanks again for reminding me, how very little I matter, it’s all about my adoptive parents, how could I possilby forget?
Love it!! Most adoptive parents are so selfish and ignorant!!
NO NO NO – Joy, I was not posting from the perspective of an adopted child – I do not think my child should THANK me – I thank God that he is my son and however he was brought to me – he is my son and a complete blessing. I want my child to know how much he was wanted – how unselfish the woman who gave birth to him was-and how thankful I am to be his Mother… why does everyone have to twist words?
Can we step back and think about WHY Claud posted “the shirt”?
I would never presume to put words in her mouth BUT …
Isn’t she saying that now she has met her son she has come full circle – back to the day in the hospital when she first laid eyes on him? Claud has told us how she went into adoption believing the selfless birthmother and a family building angel cliches. Then later she got double-whammied with the horrible pain of loss and the realization that our in-love-with adoption society (who really knows little about adoption reality) does indeed equate the label of birthmother with a crack whore who is going to show up and get her baby back.
Isn’t Claud telling us that by meeting her son she has at last freed herself from her last tie to the front of the shirt? Now she is Mom again – just as she was when she first held her child in the hospital.
I can’t wait to hear some more from Claud who will most certainly share some very deep stuff about “the shirt”.
Happy G’Ma
Anonymous – I am an ADOPTEE. My loss is the loss of my first mother. I am raising my child. I don;t have to be grateful to you who step up to raise the children “I could not”.
I am not “pathetic” and I am not “bitter”. Angry, sure, but I do not feel the need to call people angry names like “pathetic”, “bitter”, say things to you like “What the hell are you talking about?”, I say hell, but it isn;t directed toward you specifically like it was toward me and very angrily, I may add.
I didn’t choose life. My life was chosen for me before I was even born.
I have 2 mothers who I love very much. One mother will not acknowledge me, but that doesn’t mean our bond is not there as mother and daughter – it is. I have another mother who feels as if I do not have the capacity to make my own decisions as an adult regarding my family of origin, is not concerned about my happiness, only hers, it acting completely nutty and is clearly not loving me unconditionally like she promised to do by becoming my mother 19.5 years ago.
That doesn’t mean the love I have for her and all the years we spent together goes away.
YEs, I do hear myself. Unfortunately, many people do not hear me, the adoptee. That’s the problem.
And no, I am not going to thank anyone. They all got what they wanted. They don’t need my thanks.
I would suggest some anger management. You just flew out of control and you didn’t even bother to hear what I was saying. Wow.
P.S.
To one of the Anonymi…lol.
Anger is anger. I never called it horrible. Those were YOUR words that you attempted to put in MY mouth.
Anger can be quite healthy and natural. Sometimes it can be horrible, but that I would call rage then.
I never said your anger, and yes I do think you are angry based on the words you choose and the way you choose to say them, was horrible. I said it was disguised.
P.P.S. I can’t believe I am arguing with people who can’t be bothered to tell people who they are on Claud’s comments section..lol. Oy!
Forgive me, Claud <3 xxx
Can’t we just all get along!!!! Birth mothers resent adoptive mothers because they had the capability to raise a child they could not. Adoptive mothers are somewhat insecure of the birth mothers because they hold the biology. Adoptive mothers feel no difference between a bio child vs an adopted child, the love is the same and just as strong. That is THEIR child. Birth mothers want to remind everyone that they have a connection that they hold and someday may want to find and have a relationship with.
the problem is a child in the middle. I think this is where the adults play the most important role. This is a new generation where adoption is not taboo anymore there are many many children out there that are adopted. Parents raising children thru adoption should never be negative about the childs birth mother, first mother or whatever is not defensive. I feel they should be open and loving about it. Do I feel there should be two mother involvement in raising a child, absolutely not that is what the first mother gave up her right to do. But it should only be looked on in a positive way. Any insecurity an adoptive mother has should be kept away and not seen by the child. As for the birth mother she should not hold annymosity or hate and anger to the family that is hopefully raising that child to be a good, decent person. But should be grateful. When and if she ever gets to meet the child one would hope that she would never be negative about the entire experience. That once again puts a child in the middle.
Another problem I see on both sides is that when most birth parents want to connect with the child they gave up again it is usually the late teens, one of the most horrible time in kids life. They are just coming into their own not quite adults but not children and this is were alot of children start to have differences and fights with there parents. Thankfully by their twenties most get over it and everything is back to normal. So having said that you have a birthmother that wants to come back into the picture now and is seen like the cool, understanding one. Meanwhile the childs parents are being parents not just friends. This is were the first mother can make herself look better and can pray on the emotions of a late teen. I am not saying all do this but some certainly do. Lets face it they feel they lost alot of years with this child they don’t want to be a parent they want to be a friend and want that child to love them.
I think if everyone stopped being onsided and worked for the best interest of the child things could be very differnt.
that is pathetic that you are so bitter you cant fathom true honesty and happiness.
Interesteding Quote it is the only words that stuck out to me ,the rest of the BS I stopped reading,
Icopied and pasted this from
ONE” the anon,, I stoped paying attetion to whether they were adoptees or aparents or what the position they held, I stopped reading all together,,
I learned from some old friends that I used to respect that if you want to be heard in the world of adoption or you want to have a strong voice, you never,, ever,, hide who you are, you speak loud, and always sign your name to everything you say,, and everything you write,
I will never be a coward behind my beliefs or my words,, and I never have.
Never.
I want people to hear me,,
As an adoptee I want people to listen ,,
I want my voice to be heard.
Anons, you are voiceless to me, and to the rest of the world of adoption you are meaningless.
You will change nothing and noone will ever hear you, I am deaf to you. As is everyone else,
Claudes voice is strong,, she is heard, she is strong, and you are afraid. You are afraid of your own self. I do believe what the others say is true of you,there is anger that is disquised,,
I believe it was UmbilicallyChallenged, see she signed he name she is heard as well.
I pity the weak in you anons, I have hope that one day you will also want your voices to be strong and your names to be heard.
Try it, it’s impowering,
ani
There was no twisting!
You said, “you should be thankful that people out there adopted these children- just as those who adopted are thankful that you chose life.”
12:04 PM
These children, these unwanted children…if we are so unwanted, how come we are so expensive?
oh and in the next breath we are a gift from god, the only twisting going on is you in the wind.
I am sure your darling son has picked up exactly on your demanding to control the weather.
He has my deepest sympathies.
we do not give away our children, because they are unwanted. not so at all!!! i did want, and still want my son. it is he who does not want me. some of that not wanting me and his biofamily has to be the mindset in which he was raised!
Ani is so right – Claud’s voice is heard. It was from reading Claud’s open and honest postings on the WEB about the never ending pain that many, many parents feel after they relinquish their children that my pregnant daughter decided that adoption would be a horrible decision for her. So instead of letting the adoption industry scare her shitless about her “inability” to raise her child, she stepped up to the plate to parent her beautiful son. And what an amazing Mom she is.
Claud saved my family from a lifetime of regret and grief. We hear you Claud!!
Happy G’Ma
Thanks to Anonymous who translated for blind-bat Me.
Shirt makes me cry. Not because it isn’t true… because it is. 🙁
I, Happy G’Ma, is the anon who translated. I forgot to sign and am too lazy to get a real account. The shirt makes my heart cry too.
Janet
More power to those of us with a voice,, woo hoo woo hoo,
go claud ,,
“Birth mothers want to remind everyone that they have a connection that they hold and someday may want to find and have a relationship with.”
Oh – dearest Anon – here lies the misconceptions that you hold so dear.
Are you trying to tell us that only first-mothers wish to one day reconnect and possibly have a relationship with that which was taken from them???
If you took the time to read and to try to understand ADOPTEES – you would find that a great majority of them hope and wish to also one day find and have relationships with their first-mothers.
It seems to me, that in the best interest of the child (and – please remember dear Anon – IT IS ALL ABOUT THE CHILD) – that for stable and adjusted adoptees to really function well in the wider community, adoptees really need…
1. easy access to information that is rightfully theirs – whether it be a search they undertake on their own – or whether the mature adoptive-parent can actually hand over information without the adoptee having to actually deal with the emotions of ‘the search’ on their own.
2. that the first-mother is ready and available for when the adoptee comes looking for them.
3. better still – have the first-mother have contact already set up – so that the adoptee doesn’t have to actually come looking for the knowledge that they seek and for the relationship that they also probably long for.
Parents are allowed to have more than one child – therefore – why are not adoptive children ‘allowed’ to have more than one set of parents.
It is what it is.
Adoptees already have a major problem with REJECTION instilled from the beginning of their existence – so if we take out all other possibilities of ‘rejection instances’ out of the equation – whenever we can – we are just helping said adoptees to grow into healthy loving adults – with fewer hangups – and a strong love that can be shared amongst you all.
I applaud Claude for seeking out her son – and just by looking at the smile on Max’s face – I KNOW – that he is so relieved that she came looking for him.
Possum.
Oh my gosh.
I couldn’t read all the comments, got half way down and gave up.
Just had to say one thing:
I don’t resent my daughter’s adoptive parents for raising my daughter. I don’t resent them for anything, actually.
And I definitely don’t resent them for “raising my child when I couldn’t.” That would be impossible, because I was quite capable of raising my child.
These stereotypes and attempts to paint us all into the same box are ridiculous.
I like the shirt, Claud.
I wanted my child that I LOST to adoption very, very much. Unfortunately though, my daughter WAS unwanted, but it was by her grandparents. I was threatened, lied to, and forced to put my daughter up for adoption. What was I threatened with? homelessness, disowning and an abundance of imagined issues. I REPEAT, I WANTED MY DAUGHTER MORE THAN ANYTHING IN THE WORLD AND I BEGGED MY PARENTS TO LET ME BRING HER HOME AND THEY SAID NO!! I lost my daughter because an agency had a paying customer waiting for a healthy white infant and I, being young, fertile and from an intelligent and wealthy family, no less, was seen as a thoroughbred breeder to provide the merchandise.
I refuse to be grateful to the adopters for raising her because I could have very easily raised her if I had been given the chance. I refuse to be grateful when my daughter is dealing with many issues from the way she was raised by her adopters that I now get to help her heal from. I refuse to be grateful to my daughters adopters because one of the reasons I was told I had to put my baby up for adoption was future imagined abuse by my future husband because he wasn’t related to her. My daughter confided in me the other day that she cannot hug her “dad” because he makes her feel bad and uncomfortable. I refuse to be grateful because my daughter overheard her amom talking to a friend about how much my daughter is living a lie……..what lie is that, you may ask……..well, it is the lie that me and my children and my husband are her family too. Amom wants her to live and to believe that the family she was adopted into is the only family she has……….now which one is living the lie? I can tell you that it is my daughter living in the truth by knowing that she has 2 families.
I do not resent them at all, I wish that they would have been good parents for her. I wish that they could have been what she needed. I was told repeatedly that they would be better for her than me. I hate that she has gone through pain and rejection that she never would have had to go through if I had kept her. I love them because she loves them and they did provide the material necessities to her, but I am mad as heck that they did not even try to meet her emotional needs.
Also, to adopters who think that God gave you that baby I say this, God did not give you the child you are raising, YOU BOUGHT IT!!! God gave the baby to it’s real mother! A multi-billion dollar industry was created to make people think that God is so impotent that He can’t even give children to the right people, like he is up there saying “oh, I did it again, I gave that baby to the wrong person, how does this keep happening??? Oh, but that’s okay, becuase that nice infertile couple that I really meant to give the baby to can now pay tens of thousands of dollars to buy it” Nope, doesn’t sound like the God of the bible to me. God, in the bible, ONLY gives children, unless they are orphans, to parents ONE WAY, He does not need the help a multi-billion dollar baby selling industry to do it, He is big enough to choose to give a baby to whoever he figures should have one.
I am not an object, I am not a crackwhore, I am a pastor and a MOM, who was forced to LOSE a baby to adoption many years ago. In God’s eyes I have been her mom praying for her the whole time. She actually credits how she has turned out to ME, not her adopters. If I was unselfish, it only makes those who adopted my daughter selfish for coveting something that wasn’t theirs…..Maybe that is why 1 of the 10 commandments deals with not coveting something that belongs to your neighbour eh? God knew how sick our society was going to become and that one day his church would be a big part of a multibillion dollar baby selling scheme, all in His name? I wonder if it really makes Him happy?
Please go over to Kim Kim’s Reunion Writings http://reunionwritings.wordpress.com/
Kim has penned it perfectly, on how Mum’s feel and deal with their the loss of their baby. We live it! Everyday, we are Mum’s, from the instant that baby open’s their eyes.
Woah People…hot damn!!
The reason the damn shirt link is on here right now, is very simple. I wore it at the ACC conferesnce and a TON of people were all about it and wanted to know where I got the shirt…so even though I was NOT intending to pimp my Café Press Store, I said I would put the link up for all who wanted it.
Tada..
Claudy Claudy Claud Claud Claud
I am excited about your reunion!!!
umm, LOL, Claud, I love the shirt by the way :o)
Gotta say, the shirt does what you want, by making some (including me!)uncomfortable and by starting conversation. I just wish “conversation” didn’t have to be so mean-spirited!
As an a-mom, I don’t THINK I buy into all the Crack whore, etc. stuff on the shirt, don’t think in terms of having bought my son, and pray that I don’t become a person who makes her son beleive he has to be GRATEFUL for saving him, etc. I hope to do the opposite–perhaps HE saved ME.
Uncomfortable as I am with the shirt and its message, as well as some of the debate here, I think its message does spur me to keep trying to better myself, open my mind and not forget that there are thee sides of the “triad”, not just my own.
And, Claud, your son is beautiful–congrats on this leg of your reunion!
mama2roo, there are many of us who think that the “triad” is a myth, that adoption is not a “triad” but a 4-party transaction. 2 parties (broker and customer) having the financial and social power to broker and obtain a child, and 2 parties (mother and infant) lacking the financial and social support to remain together and thus rendered powerless.
i did a survey a couple of yrs ago and 98% of the natural mothers surveyed had wanted to keep their babies. this shows a HELL of a lot of coercion happened to force these moms to surrender.
unplanned pregnancy does not mean an unwanted baby. not when the mother finally gets to hold her baby in her arms.
adoption is NOT a triad situation of 3 equal parties. there is no equality in adoption. Adopters wanted our babies and we wanted our babies and there is no room for compromise or common ground. We still want our children back. Many of us are working to get our children back, and I wish every mother who has lost a child to adoption the good fortune to get her beloved child back in her arms again.
Adopting Back Our Stolen Children Website. and Message board.
Lindsay- I am sorry that your parents forced you into giving your child up for adoption – it is sad and I am sure was just awful. But that is between you and them. You did not LOSE your child – if you were underage then your parents gave consent ~ on on ejust takes the child ~ consent had to be given. I think it is awful- but you seem to be blaming the system when it was not he system that consented to the adoption – it was your family. Do some adopted children end up in bad homes? yes without a doubt. But just as many bio children with bio parents find themselves in an unhealthy home. I did not adopt because I was infertile – I have bio-children. I adopted a child who was abandoned-had no known family – it was a blessing to all involved. You would never convince me that adopting my child was wrong ~ nor convince me that God did not guide us to each other. It is hard to beleive you are a Pastor when you do not see the work of God in building families. You talk in generalizations that are absurd.I did not BUY my son and take great insult to that comment.
“anonymous” — it is amazing how blind you are. Lindsay had rights: basic human rights and parental rights. if a social worker or ANY agency saw her parents trying to force her to surrender, they should have provided her with protection against her parents: with access to a place to live for her and her baby, with an income, and with protection. instead, said ‘system’ served to disembaby her and failed to protect her rights. so yes, she has been failed by the system and has every right to blame it. NEVERMIND that the “system” worked on ways to convince parents not to block the surrender. READ THIS:
“The caseworker must then be decisive, firm, and unswerving in her pursuit of a healthy solution for the girl’s problem. The ‘I’m going to help you by standing by while you work it through’ approach will not do. What is expected from the worker is precisely what the child expected but did not get from her parents – a decisive ‘No!’ It is essential that the parent most involved, psychologically, in the daughter’s pregnancy also be dealt with in a manner identical with the one suggested in dealing with the girl. Time is of the essence; the maturation of the fetus proceeds at an inexorable pace. An ambivalent mother, interfering with her daughter’s ability to arrive at the decision to surrender her child, must be dealt with as though she (the girl’s mother) were a child herself.” Out-Of-Wedlock Pregnancy In Adolescence, p. 71, 1960, Marcel Heiman, MD.
Anon – So now that you can’t fling my favortive adoption insult at Lindsay, “take responsibilty for your actions and move on”, you are also telling her to take responsibility for the unethical actions of her parents and the adoption industry. Hey, now that’s some real fair minded thinking on your part. (insert sarcasm)
It appears that Linsay is a fighter like Claud who will not “move on” and shut up merely to give salve to the guilt of her parents and the parties who were responsible for the unethical, if not illegal, adoption of her daughter.
Happy G’Ma
For God sakes…..I couldn’t beleive all the anger and resentment between all of you. NO ONE is saying biomos are crackwhores – no one with any sense anyway. And NO ONE should tell adoptees how they should feel – some are happy to be adopted and some are not…some are close to their biomoms and some are not. I am friends with my biomom but my Amom is my mother – the only mother I will ever have —but that is ME and how I feel. I am thankful my biomom gave me life and I am thankful my daughter’s biomom gave her life but I am SAD that neither of them could be a parent. Couldn’t it be this easy? Why does everyone have to be so mean about it?
Been over 7 years since this was first posted but had to answer, Petunia because you and others are using the standard adoptor friendly language (aka positive adoption language). That’s why everyone is ”so mean about it”. It’s not truthful language in many cases of adoption. The “I’m so glad she gave me life” crap line is disgusting, repugnant, repulsive and implies that every mother was going to abort her child. Which is absolutely not true. I wanted my son before he was CONCEIVED. You do understand what conception is right? I never considered abortion. That was NOT ever a thought. Neither was adoption. I wanted my son. I wanted to raise my son. I loved him then, and still today. That love never diminished. Many people wanted my son to disappear from MY life.. and MANY others (dr. hosp. ss worker/s, pap’s/dr. Yes, dr. repeated twice for emphasis) wanted him in theirs/their friends/clients lives.. regardless of what I wanted. I wouldn’t expect you to understand though as you are now an adoptor too. You do not have any clue as to what -mean- (unfeeling, heartless) treatment is until you have walked in a natural mother’s shoes. It could, I suppose, be ”that easy”….IF…the lines you’re spouting “the only mother I will ever have” and “I am thankful _________gave me life,/gave her life but I am SAD that neither of them could be a parent” had true merit. It’s canned spam. get it. standard response when no logic or truth is available.
Answer the question. Why couldn’t they be a parent? Were they so mentally deficient as to be a danger? Were they such drug addicts that there was NOWAY they could be rehabilitated? Were they told they weren’t ready/couldn’t/shouldn’t/weren’t good enough, often enough until they were completely stripped of any human dignity and worth? Were they such dregs that they weren’t worth raising their own child? Did somebody get in their way? and remove you/her against mom’s will? or was it JUST lack of funds/housing? What if you found yourself, without housing, funds or any support or assistance due to a horrible turn of events (which is often what happens to mother’s)… should you then be expected/demanded to give ‘your child’ up for adoption to someone who has those things and can provide better than you can? Oh and the name of ‘your child’ will be changed and records sealed to you and ‘your child’. You will not be allowed in ‘your child’s’ life again. Not according to the law. You will no longer be mother, mom, mommy to ‘your child’ according to the law and the ones who adopted your child. You will not be able to find them or contact them, nor they you. How would that leave you feeling? Go there. Many of you need to. Feel it.
And don’t give me that ”but you don’t understand infertility” line either. I lost my son my only child to adoption. lost 2 more before birth and was never able to have any more children. Many of us were never able to have more children. Someone once had the audacity to ask, ”why don’t you adopt?” as a ”cure” for my grief and longing from the loss of my son….. they, and I, were most fortunate that it was a phone conversation instead of face to face. I could not cause this kind of sorrow, heartache and grief for another woman, another mother, just so that I could ”feel better”. It’s a cruel thing to do. It is violence against women plain and simple.
petunia, gag me. that is the nicest thing i can say about your comment. “i am so happy to have been given away by my natural family”….gag…blah….
“anonymous”…too scared to leave your name? You are obvious in need of therapy…I am sad for my Biological family but they chose this for me and I am happy where I am – you are allowed your feelings of anger and bitterness…but I am happy – sorry
Anyone can be anonymous and be a bully….whoohooo…I’m anonymous and I can be anyone I want to….am I a bitter natural mother, a disgruntled adoptee, a person who ripped the child from another woman’s arms….
While maybe many enlightened people do not feel that reliquishing moms are indeed all crackwhores, let us not be niave.
There is still a large segmant of the population that feels that there is something inherintly wrong with women who “give their children away”. All you have to do is go on any really public area, say an general media story about adoption and read the public statements.
If you speak about adoption often, to folks who have no expereince and no real adoption education, they still beleive the sterotypes and often the fist thing that they say is “Oh adoption good..after all we have all those children rotting away in foster care”
One of my favorite quotes for the confernce was made by Erik Smith whi said that “Child protection is not child surrender” and I have always said that it is too totally different animals. Voluntary reliquishment is not saving children from anything really as it often is not necessary.
What this shirt says is what I am not and what I am. I am not just a birthmother, I am not a crackwhore. I am a mother. Period.
If that makes someone think, great. If someone also want to wear the shirt, great. If you don;t feel that way and you do not need the message, great. But there are MANY who do.
And I will in no way THANK anyone for the adoption of my son. No I am not greatful for adoption. I am happy that my son is happy, but I beleive he would have been just as happy and possibly more so, if not for adoption. Our loss was unneccessary. Completely 100%. That someone else benefitted from my stupidity and the expliotation of my motherhood, is not something I will be grateful for. EVER.
I do not resent, I do not hate his parents, I do not begrudge them what happines thay have had, nor what he has with them, nor am I really that angry. That does no good as I cannot chage the past. All I can do now is move on. I am angry at the system, but for now…for us..I am just happy we are where we are now. But so many have NOT had this blessing. So many have not been so lucky as us. And it keeps on going on. 15 thousnad mothers and children a year are separated and that is way to many for me to be silent.
Claud, I do want to tell you when people ask me about my daughter’s biological mother I always tell them “We met both of them adn they are very sweet, they just could parent right now.” Most seem a little suprised, so I know what you are saying..I hope I am killing that assumption in people just a little.
Petunia
Much respect for your thoughts and healthy attitude.
I am posting as anonymous as unfortunately one time when I did not someone actually threatened my family. Not cool at all and no matter how much I may disagree with someone else there is no excuse for that.
My daughter has a woman who gave birth to her and gave her the chance at a better life she could not give her. There will never be a day I am not grateful to her and there will never be a day I expect her nor my daughter to be grateful to me for adopting her. The pleasure is all ours. I can only hope to bring my daughter a small fraction of joy and love that she has brought into our family. She is a gift from God!
“the pleasure is all ours” exactly. not much more needs to be said from that side of the so-called triad. I for one, LOVE this shirt. I’m not a b-mother, I’m not a BREEDER, my term as MOTHER didnt end when she was adopted. It doesnt matter how many years we are separated, I will always be MOTHER. If we are not mothers, then why are our children searching for us and reuniting with us? Surely they could just ask for medical info and photos? Because we are mother. And I firmly believe that adoptive parents have an agenda of their own. It is rare, you do meet some that actually understand how adoption affects mother and child, and there are kids who need homes.
Hell, i would wear that shirt loud and proud. Maybe the anonymous chicken shit should head over to reunion writings and read the post on what being a REAL mother means.
I dont know why you keep coming here to bash claude. except that maybe the things we express threaten the beliefs you have taken up on adoption. Adoption Fraud does exist. I was a victim of it. And one day my daughter will know that I wasnt a crack whore as her a-mother told her. that i did want her and was raising her.I’m the REAL mother. Sorry anonymous but go find some place else to kick ppl.I wasnt put on this earth to supply babies to adoptive parents.My daughter wasnt born to turn some insecure lunatic into a parent. We deserved to stay together. You cant judge us all with one sweeping brush. People abuse the system,and do adopt fraudulently. The UN reports on adoption fraud, and more and more mothers LIKE ME are speaking out.I wouldnt wish my pain, even on you.
just go away. stop fighting with sus. Agree to disagree. otherwise, you seem to be a very very sad woman who cant respect the thoughts and feelings of others. you kind of remind me of a racist going to a black history blog saying theres no racism!!! haha denying our feelings and expressions doesnt change the truth. that you dont kno the first thing about first mothers. in fact, every time you make a post, you proove us right again and again. one day my child will know that her adoption wasnt legal. that she was not an “orphan”. do us all a favor and go spread your negativity somewhere else.and as for THANKING YOU? hmm, thats like asking you to thank the rapist who raped you. you truly sicken me.your comments say, adoptive parents are real mothers and we are not so we should thank you. many of us wanted to raise our children. why dont adopters support us? because they us “crack whore breeeders to make them into mothers” hold on..still gagging..
Please note their are many different people posting under anonymous. It is not all the same person.
I have children I have given birth to and children i have adopted. I love them all the same.
just an FYI..you CAN post anonymous…though I do not know why if people had the courage to stand up for their convictions. I mean, really I am totally OUT..very puclic and NO ONE has ever done anything to intercede on my personal life. No phone calls, no mail threats, not even nasty emails..in fact the worse I get is on this blog…as anonymous’s. Though I DO know many a mom that HAS been threatened….and made to have a gag order against them, really the worst you might get, as an adoptive parent, is an Email.
Anyway ,even Anonymounsly, you can still SIGN some sembelance of a “name”..even if a made up one…call yourself Judy 1 or Anon123!! But it WOULD make it easier to knopw who said what!
petunia…yeah, i am still gagging. i would imagine that your daughters real first mom could parent with just a little help. are you going to let her first mom raise her when the reasons she chose adoption resolve??? i believe that you spread your “i am so happy to have been given away” bullcrap….just to make way for your daughter. i remain anonymous because my son is being raised by his adoptive parents to believe it was god’s plan to bring them together….more gagging….yeah, nice god to have that idea, that leaves my soul in such pain every day…i think god can handle just fine allowing a woman to get pregnant if that was truly his intention…i mean truly, given the scope of his power, that would be a simple task. let’s get it out there that some women who adopt are infertile due to std’s…so they possibly slept around before marriage or their spouses and now need to adopt, while making it out to be criminal for the so called birthmom to get pregnant while unwed.
i remain “still gagging”…..
to above anon…yes, my anger OOOZES. that i was lied to and lost my child. damn right i am angry. will i get over it? nope. not going to go away. glad you love your arents. makes me sad and sick that some of you are so glad to have been given away. petunia….not buying her all so happy act.
Claud wrote “Anyway ,even Anonymously, you can still SIGN some sembelance of a “name”..even if a made up one…call yourself Judy 1 or Anon123!! But it WOULD make it easier to knopw who said what!”
I sooo totally agree. These anonymous Anonymice are indistinguishable. When will they EVER learn?
A simple sig would do the job just fine.
Yours anonymously,
Kippa (aka Lisa)
I’m glad you met.
And – I have never heard that something was wrong with the women who decided to place – OR were forced to. Just the wrong time place. I have also not PERSONALLY seen anyone ostracized for their choice.
You look as much like your son as I expect one of my sons will look like his birth Mother – other mother, natural- whichever is less likely to irritate people
sorry to be anonymous- but I like my blog private….
m
I can assure you, that when you live with this…you are ostrosized for your choice. It is actually easier being “out” with it…you get to talk about it and people areound you in your immediate life get educated and learn not to say stupid things.
When you don’t and are quiet, you get to hear what people “really” think about women who “do that”..and then you can’t say anything…is like being trapped.
Heck, I have heard some adoptees say some of the most horrific terrible unforgiving things about the very same women who “gave them life”.
I have long lost count the number of times I have been told that what happened to me is my own fault for “spreading my legs” or heard that thrown around to another mom specifically or moms in general. I can’t say it loses it sting to hear it, but I am not shocked anymore.
Beleive you me, many do not understand.
yes claud is right i agree. its easier being out with it. i cant live in the shadows and keep it a big secret. ive been told “if you cant feed em dont breed em”. in fact ive been slammed as an abuse survivor and a first mother on the internet. but i dont let it bother me. when people come to webpages and say ignorant things, and actually tell first mothers to be thank ful or whatever else, it speaks to them not me. and when they cant let it go and they continue to say these ignorant things it makes me wonder what their motives are.seems to me adoption affected them more severely then any of us who are just out and out honest and open with our experiences.no one has the right to pass judgement on first parents. and if adoption is so great, would you be willing to give this “precious” gift. highly, highly doubt it.my God, doesnt take babies from my belly and give them to someone else as a “gift”. thats purely the devil’s work.
but i digress. im a single mother and a first mother. im sorry that this threatens the adopters.maybe its YOU who should be thanking US.my guess is, you wouldnt last a day after losing your child to adoption.you can love your adoptive parents and still love your first parents.it doesnt have to be either or.if you truly loved your child, you would recognize that hating us, is hating them. because they came from us.nothing u ever post here will change that.talk to the millions who are reuniting.doesnt mean they love the adopters less.it means that knowing your true mother, the one who gave you life,is something adoptees need.if you dont thats your choice.
http://paragraphein.wordpress.com/
2007/03/12/
im-still-her-mother-even-if-she-doesnt-feel-it/
Not ostracized? OMG. Supposed to be funny, right?
And um, I’m my daughter’s mom whether she thinks so or not.
There is nothing more lame to me than to hear an adoptive parent calling themselves mother or father and asking what they should call the “birth” mother if they don’t use “birth” terms.
So ignorant. Selfish.
Bothers me to this day when my own a-mother does it. ( insert irked smiley here )
You know anonymous, yes, I am a pastor, and I still cannot see your “god’s” wonderful family building through this “miracle” of adoption. I do, however see the destruction that adoption leaves behind. If one “family” built by adoption has 3 children that “god” gave them, that means that 3 families were DESTROYED to build that family. Where do you see anything in the bible that would show you that that is in any way the character of God? NOWHERE!! I see that destruction of families belongs to Satan alone. And honestly, the child never really is the adoptive parents anyways, that is why most adoptees search for their parents and feel like something is missing their whole lives.
There is nothing in the bible even remotely close to the creature we call adoption. Even the Pharoah’s daughter was humane enough to allow his mother to nurse him for a few years. His mother was around so much Moses knew who she was and Hebrews 11 says that by faith Moses refused to be called son of the pharoahs daughter and returned to his family when he could. And this humaness came from the daughter of a man who ordered hebrew babies to death!! And as we know, this adoption only happened because the mom needed to save her child’s life. Moms now are coerced into it by having others play on a moms God-given maternal instinct to protect her child and give it the best, which if you look at it honestly is the same animal.
Moses would actually be the only adoption in the bible that is even an adoption. I hear Samuel mentioned by Christians, but basically that was boarding school, not adoption, he was learning how to be a servant of the temple. Ruth was still the mother of Obed, but for inheritance purposes only gave him to Naomi. He was not physically given to Naomi to raise, it was only because the Law of God stated that it was to be that way so no one was left without an heir.
hmm, Esther is also brought up, but can’t use her because she was only raised by her cousin Mordecai after her parents died. Josephs sons were also “adopted” by Israel for inheritance purposes, but he was on his death bed, so there is no way that was what we would call adoption either.
Also, Sarah and Hagar are mentioned, but Ishmael was never Sarah’s son, she just owned him because he had bought his mom earlier in life.
There is, however another story in the bible that we could use to illustrate that God beleives that children belong with their biological parents for their protection, safety etc. That is when Soloman was deciding which woman the baby belonged to. He had the wisdom of God and he knew that there was a way to decide who was truly the mother of the baby, the adopter who was coveting a child that wasn’t hers to fill a void, or the real mother. He ordered the baby killed, and the covetting adoptive mother said “fine, if I can’t have him, she can’t either” but the true mother gave up her rights immediately to save her son’s life and said the other woman could have him. Soloman was using God’s wisdom and he found that the true mother will protect the child, the paparent was only thinking of herselve. Seems to me there are lots of paps out there fighting court battles, without really caring about the child, against the real parents. Unfortunatly our courts do not have the same wisdom Soloman did, God’s wisdom.
oh yah there is also some who say that adoption is wonderful because Christians are adopted by God into his family. But, they fail to see that that is by choice and we all know what a babies choice would be if he was given one between his/her real mom and the stranger wanting to be a mom.
In the bible, God never tells someone who is infertile to adopt another persons child, NEVER. If God wants them to have a child, then they get pregnant. The bible says that a barren womb is never satisfied and it is true, another woman’s child will never satisfy their longing for a child, it is not the same. I think Christians should start to believe in the God of the bible and believe that He alone is the giver of life, not another woman. If He doesn’t choose to give you a child then adopt an orphan or be content without children.
Also, anon, you say you have 3 children and 1 that is adopted. What if, during the pregnancy of one of your children, someone emotionally abused you the whole time and told you you couldn’t do it, you were worthless, the baby was better off with someone else etc, then at the hospital, took your baby away from you and signed the papers for adoption. In your reasoning, in that situation, you would just get over it wouldn’t you, because SOMEONE made the decision for adoption, so it is all good………..yah right!!
Now, in my case, I went through the emotional abuse etc, but I was so beaten down that I signed the papers myself, but that still doesn’t make what happened to me right. IT is sick that some of you think this is right and God given and that those of us who LOST our children should just get over it. How would you feel if you LOST one of your children to adoption……….I don’t feel any different than you would……..and if you say that you wouldn’t feel the way I do, then I truly feel sad for your children.
So, yah, believe it, I am a pastor who thinks that infant domestic adoption is not at all God’s work. Maybe if you realized that it is not about building a family, because the child involved normally doesn’t even feel like he/she is a true part of that family. There is another family out there that is being ripped apart forever when an adoption takes place………..try seeing the other side of this thing you call the wonderful work of God in building your family to see the truth……
Lindsay the Preacher – What religion are you affiliated with? Just curious.
Jamie
Yes please tell so I make sure I never set foot in that church!
If God wants infertile people to have a child then they would get pregnant???? So God wants people to have AIDS, cancer, etc. Luckily the firends I have who were adopted do not feel the same as you describe. Neither does the God I believe in want that either.
You don’t die from infertility…even though it feels like death. You don’t.
Pastor Lindsay, how would you describe the relationship between Jesus and his mother’s husband, Joseph?
I don’t believe God is involved in reproduction or family building or even children’s lives at all otherwise we wouldn’t have children born into war and poverty, conceived in spite of birth control to someone unwilling or unable to parent and so then must consider the painful choice to abort, born or adopted into abusive families, born to alcoholics and drug addicts, born with catastrophic and painful diseases like Harelquin Fetus only to suffer horribly for a few hours then die, swept away by tsunamis, blown apart by landmines, or bleeding out from Ebola and dying covered in flies.
If the hand of an omnipotent and omnibenevolent being is involved in children’s lives, there sure is no evidence that I can see.
NO, actually, God does not want people to have AIDS and Cancer either because they are diseases, and why exactly are you comparing having children to having a disease?
God is not the creator of illnesses, they were the result of Adam and Eve’s decision. Infertility is the result of a disease in many cases and is, in fact, not the will of God at all. Read Deuteronomy 28 to find out that God’s will is that his people not have any illnesses or diseases. Not being infertile is on that list as something that is not God’s will for his people.
God has made his will for us clear in the bible. There are many women in the bible who were barren, but God healed them and they became pregnant. His will for infertile people is healing from infertility, not masking the problem with another woman’s child. I am sure that even you admit that being healed from the infertility is far, far better than adopting someone elses baby. He is a loving God and he does not want families destroyed and that is what adoption is at it’s very core. In order for a family to be built, one or more families must be destroyed.
At times, a stepfather is involved in the raising of children, but Jesus was with his mom, he was not put up for adoption in domestic infant adoption and that is what I am speaking of, he was not taken from his mother’s breast as a baby and given to a “more worthy couple”. Jesus, when he was 12 years old, stayed at the temple when his parents left Jerusalem and when he was found, he told them that they should have known that he was at his fathers house. All throughout his life, he called God his father and said he was about his father’s business……and he sure wasn’t doing carpentry :o) Joseph is not mentioned by Jesus as being his father even once, but his real dad is mentioned by him continually :o)
As long as there is sin in the world there will be sickness and disease. Even with all the bad things that happen to people, I choose to put my trust that God can and does, according to the bible, create life where and when he wants. To me, it is one of his most basic qualities. If you don’t believe that , it is okay, I am sure I can handle being disagreed with :o)
And if I am speaking with anonymous Christians right now, can you please show me, using the bible, how I am wrong? Thanks bunches :o)
And my religion is bible believing Christian :o)
Lindsay,
I know a lot of pastors who are right about most things but because of their past and circumbstances twist a little of the bible to fit their own needs….in this case, it is you twisting this around to make it bad to adopt. We don’t know why people have to suffer- whether that suffering is a disease, infertility, chronic pain, loss… whatever. But, it is in God’s ultimate plan – you cannot deny that. He does not CAUSE these sufferings but helps us to deal with them, uses them. I DID NOT force my daughter’s biomom to relinquish her child but I AM grateful that God let me be there when she did so we could love her and raise her. I did not break up a family, her biomom is not able to raise her….her decision and the circumbstances warrant it. And, unless you are adopted and have felt the love of A-parents-do not judge whether it can be “the same” – because it is maybe even more of a love than you can imagine…and now I know that love again with my daughter.
If you want to be a bible stickler, Moses WAS adopted. David, to some extent, was adopted by Saul. Enough so that he supplanted Jonathan as the heir to Saul. But try reading up on your history of the time as well. Women who could not parent left their children at the temple and other women picked them up to raise them as their own. They weren’t scarred by the adoption either but became MORE a child of that mother than even their own children – they could NOT be forsaken under the law.
If you know the bible you know we (christians) are all adopted Jews – grafted into the vine….
Try reading:
Ephesians 1:3-6, Psalm 41:1, Proverbs 16:9, Isiah 8:18,and **especially for you – James 1:5
petunia,
until you birth a baby or are rasied by your genetic parents. it is you who do not know….spare me.
i am sick of your way being the BEST way, the BETTER way.
Petunia, Moses was NOT adopted – he was fostered. There were no falsified birth records saying that the Pharoah’s daughter gave birth to him and neither does the Bible ever say that his true mother, father and brother are NOT family and NOT his mother, father and brother.
Fostering has taken place for centuries. Infant adoption is a legal contruct that began about 150 years ago and did not even exist in many place until the 20th century. Adoption means a complete severing of all legal ties, plus falsifying birth records and sealing the original real records. Adopters are put down as having given birth to the children they adopted. In all other cases, falsifying government documents is a crime: so why not in adoption?
The ancient Hebrews did NOT have the legal mechanism of adoption. It was fostering, i.e. informally raising and nurturing other people’s children, and the legal ties were never broken between them.
Another thing: Roman law concerning adoption had it primarily as a legal agreement between two consenting ADULT males for inheritance purposes. The husband adopted the heir but his wife did not! It as solely between two men. Augustus adopting Tiberius is an example.
Moses mother sent her baby down a river to avoid her son being murdered. but even she, as a maid servant to the pharoh’s faily, got to look and see Moses every day. Moses reclaimed his heritage and brought the slaves to freedom with God’s hand.
David, was the smallest of his clan and was *chosen* by God to be the King of all Kings. Jesus was also chosen to be in his blood line. He never actually was adopted.
Mary, was a pregnant unwed mother and Joseph, knowing he was not the father married her anyways.
the bible is clear on adoption. King SOlomon ruled a case between two mothers. One woman STOLE the others baby. THe King siad chop the baby in two if they cant settle it. The REAL mother said no and he was able to see who was the real mom.
dont bring the bible or God into this. you only bring yourself into judgement. serious judgement by God claiming to know His will or His plans. Adoption is a man made transaction that involves lies and falsehoods.
Jesus would call you on it. Teach you better. Then forgive you.
dont preach bogus christian crap.God’s plan does not include coercing young scared women into handing over their babies as *gifts* that is like i said, the devils work.
Petunia, God does NOT make mistakes. He does NOT “put babies in the wrong belly.”
If every Life is sacred, then we should go the next step and realize that every Conception is sacred. And thus every Mother who conceives is Sacred and deserves support and protection. Protection against predators. Protection against poverty and violence. Protection against drug dealers who would enslave her. Health care to protect her and her baby.
Why is this not provided by society? Why do we punish unwaged unwed mothers by forcing them into grinding poverty and often lack of housing putting them on the streets. There are over 100 families in my small city of 300,000 (Victoria, B.C., Canada) who live on the street, becuase there is NO affordable housing and housing allowance is less than $400/month and nothing after 3 years, and apartments begin at $700/month for a small rundown single-bedroom. Welfare supplies only an estimated 45% of what a child needs nutritionally.
If we were like Australia and NZ and supported our mothers without judgement, adoption would not have to be used to rip families apart in order to “save the children.” Adoption is NOT what God wanted or intended. Jesus told us to give to the poor and treat them as our brothers. This should mean ALL poor families.
Taking a mother’s child because she is financially troubled is robbery and unethical. Supporting her and her child in a life outside of poverty is ethical and morally correct.
Think twice about infant adoption, if poverty or lack of resources is what is forcing the mother to surrender.
Petunia, is your adoption solution really moral or ethical or what God wanted? I don’t think so.
You all make me laugh….you can twist history all you want. Adoption has been around forever…someone else raising a child they did not birth…period. God doesn’t make mistakes at all…but people do.
Yes Petunia, ”people do”.
“someone else raising a child they did not birth…period”
Yeah, this is called fostering. OR being a nanny!!! Legal adoption, it ain’t!
you are arguing semantics….If I raise a child their whole life like my own – what is the difference? Just because i “legally change a name” doesn’t change anything – I’m still mom.
petunia, keep telling yourself that, maybe someday you’ll believe it. your blog is appropriately titled.
Hi Petunia,
You are right that my beliefs are because of my experiences. BUT, you are wrong if you think that they cloud my judgement. They have instead taken my blinders off and allowed me to see God’s truth in this matter. His will is clear in the bible, and I can see it clearly now. I have asked God to give me wisdom on this matter, just like in James 1:5 and He has.
The only other scripture you mentioned that deals with adoption, is not infant adoption it is US choosing to become a child of God WHEN WE CHOOSE.
James also says that true religion is looking after widows and orphans……..a child through an infant adoption is not an orphan.
The rest of your verses have nothing to do with adoption, sorry.