November 2012

Adoption Questions and Facts, Before Making an Adoption Plan, Relinquishment November 11, 2012

Hard Truths; A Birthmother is Abandoning Her Child

Somewhere inside, they are baby who misses their mothers smell and they don’t have the words to describe that feeling. Someone inside they could be a 3 year old who is scared and angry and wishes that you could come and take them away. Someday, they could turn out to be a person who doesn’t care about stuff, but only wants to fit in with people that get them. Or maybe, just maybe, they think that THEY should have been important enough to warrant a better plan on our part. That THEY were worth working harder, pinching pennies, putting off school, fighting the system, arguing with parents, going on social services.

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Does adoption save children form abuse? NO!

Adoption Questions and Facts, Relinquishment November 10, 2012

Does Voluntary Adoption Relinquishment Save Children from Abuse?

Somewhere along the line the connection has been made that young, unwed mothers with unplanned pregnancies are destined to live a life of poverty and drag their children down with them by abusing their children, resenting their existence, and failing to provide an adequate life. The simple answer is given that if more of these women made adoption plans when facing these unplanned pregnancies then we could prevent future involvement by Child Protective Services and keep these children in ideal homes from the get go, removing the need for Foster homes, and prevent the damage created by the initial abuse. It’s a lovely concept, but like so much in adoption, it is seriously flawed and this belief is not based on fact.

marketing the business of adoption in the USA

The Adoption Industry November 9, 2012

Re-Marketing Adoption

So the supply comes from the birthmother producers, the demand comes from the potential adoption parents and then profit and loss comes to the adoption agency who must keep their expenses lower than their fees so they can stay in business. It doesn’t matter WHY you think adoption does or does not need to be here, this is the way it WORKS.

Research into adoption surrender documents

Adoption Research & Statistics November 9, 2012

The Culture of Poverty and Adoption: Adoptive Parent Views of Birth Families

Kathryn A. Sweeney* Purdue University Calumet Abstract This study used data from 15 in-depth interviews to better understand how perceptions of birth families by White adoptive parents rely on and challenge cultural perspectives of poverty.  Findings show the complexity of their views: even when adoptive parents recognize structural causes of poverty, they tend to rely on the idea that birth parent poverty results from inadequate choices made by individuals.  Findings…

Adoption and regret go hand in hand.

Birthmother Regrets & Lessons, Cultural Views on Adoption November 8, 2012

I Own It; Making Mistakes, Accepting Responsibility and Regret

I would undo it, I would change it, but I can’t. Yes, I regret that I let my son be adopted. I know no one held a gun to my head and no one, in my case, forced me to sign those papers. I know that I had my reasons at the time and they are perfectly acceptable reasons and common to adoption practices to this day. In many ways, I know that I was an ideal birthmother and I admit, over and over, that I was visibly a “content, peaceful and happy” birthmother for many years. I am aware that I sent myself away; I plucked the idea of adoption out of thin air, and I presented it as a solution to my friends and family.

Adoption is not a gift!

Before Making an Adoption Plan, Cultural Views on Adoption, Relinquishment November 7, 2012

Good Mothers Don’t Even Think About Adoption!

We see the messages that mother who keeps the child that she can ill-afford is considered irresponsible. The mother who needs public assistance is considered a freeloader. The mother who gets pregnant again too soon should “know better how babies are made”. The mother who is too young and unwed should have “thought about the consequences before she spread her legs”. The single mother raising her children is “breaking the fabric of the American values”.

Secondary adoption reunion rejection hurts

Adoption Koolaide & Birthmother Denial, Adoption Questions and Facts, Reunions & Support, Searches November 6, 2012

Secondary Adoptee Rejection in Adoption Reunions

No one is trying to find their birthmothers to throw stones or cast blame, yet on that emotional level we have to acknowledge that the adoptee can feel rejected by the act of adoption placement whether voluntary or forced. It doesn’t matter how they can now, as adult, intellectualize the circumstances of their relinquishment, the child inside still knows the pain and that child wants it’s mother. There is an innocence there in this need to reconnect. It is pure feeling.

Adoption Events November 5, 2012

Mary Gauthier at The Rosendale Cafe NY

WHO: Adoptee Singer Songwriter Mary Gauthier
WHEN: 3/13/2013
WHERE: Rosendale Cafe, Rosendale , NY
ONLINE: http://www.marygauthier.com/tour/
VENUE: http://www.rosendalecafe.com/music.php
Tickets: $20.00
BONUS: I’ll be there!

Why the pain of open adoption is too much for some birthmothers

Adoption Questions and Facts, Birthmother Grief November 5, 2012

When a Birthmother Closes an Open Adoption

Often, the adoptive parents who are writing these stories are genuinely upset and confused. They actually believe in the benefits of open adoption for their children. They want the mothers of their children to have contact with the children they relinquished and to know that the kids are doing well. They don’t understand why the mothers, and sometimes fathers, of their adopted children just disappear.

Crisis Pregnancy centers are not always to be trusted!

Relinquishment, The Adoption Industry November 4, 2012

Crisis Pregnancy Centers Funneling Adoption Misinformation

What the adoption industry counts on is that we won’t bother digging in and finding how they are all connected. It’s really easy to make a nonprofit host one website that links to another controlled website that links to another and make them all look independent. What they are doing is breaking up the whole message into little bits that then get fed to women over and over again, It looks like the message comes from all these different sources that have only her best interests at heart, but all roads lead to Bethany and Adoption and a lifetime of grief.