From Louisville to Ethiopia
I remember standing in the lobby of our hotel at the Louisville Adoptee Rights Demonstration, watching a family of four check into the hotel. White mom, white dad and two black kids…of course, they HAD to be adopted. Could it be their bad misfortune that they happened to be at the same hotel with almost a hundred others from AdoptionLand who probably wouldn’t coo “Oh, how sweet”? Or could it be that the Adoptee Rights Demonstration actually attracted a family built though international adoption?
It was, of course, the latter. That was the first time I met Andrea and her family and while I was thrilled that there was more support and adoptive parents representing, I will admit that, inside, I worried. After all, the Adoptee rights Demonstration time is where we let it ALL flow and hang out. There is no editing and I did worry that perhaps it might be a tough place to be adoptive parents. Others were snickering and wondering who the hell these folks were to try and invade our safe world. It had the potential to get ugly.
But the coolest thing happened. It DID NOT get ugly at all. Oh granted, the hard questions were asked. It was a trial by fire, but you know that old saying ” You can’t judge a book by its cover’? Yeah, one cannot NOT tell an ally in AdoptionLand by their status in adoption either. That was 2010 and since then, every year, Andrea and the kids are part of the ARC family. There is no longer any of that concern or worry. They are, simply, one of us. When I brought Scarlett in 2012 to Chicago, I had no hesitation leaving her under their watch at the pool and as constant ARC attendees, I look forward to seeing them on our group “vacation” every year.
Yes, I REALLY Have Adoptive Parents who are Friends!
One of the things I adore about Andrea is that she is openly critical of so much of the same crap that makes me crazy. And she says so. She doesn’t care. She’s like this totally unassuming honey badger. It’s great. She’s like everything you would image in this nice adoptive mom with these two great kids and they really are happy looking and lovely.. and then she comes out with this wonderful gut shot against the industry.
I love that she gets it and doesn’t find the need to defend her own parenting. And really, I feel, that she shouldn’t have to. I have said it before and I know I will say it again; I don’t care how one GETS to AdoptionLand, it’s what you DO now. The adoption industry preys on all sides; they lie to all of us and tell us what we think we want to hear and we don’t know to ask the right questions. And we have to deal with the aftermath together. I can hold it against others for finding out too late when I claim the same ignorance. What Andrea does is own that; she says the untruths evolved and doesn’t fall into that trap of being SO busy defending what she believed that she can’t see the reality of what just is. She thought she was doing the right thing, too and I can’t hold that against anyone.
Anyway, when she approached me a few months ago and about a website design project, I was happy to have a chance to work together. Especially given the nature of the project.
Introducing an New Adoption Search Registry: Ethiopian Adoption Connection
Ethiopian Adoption Connection is a searchable database, the objective of which is to match Ethiopian adoptees living around the world with their families in Ethiopia. I’m really very proud of it. It’s clean and simple which was key. We had to anticipate language and cultural issues, plus privacy verses searchability. Check it out at http://ethiopianadoptionconnection.org/.
We probably had a really intense 6 weeks or so designing the site and getting it tested and working like it should. I really enjoyed our working together. There’s tons of ways for the site to grow as well with additional search categories for when it gets bigger and holds even more search information. In the meantime, the response has been really positive and it’s incredible to think that there really was not a Ethiopian Adoption Search Registry site before!
Full disclosure: This was a paying website design job for me and that is how Andrea approached me. In the end, I donated about 1/3 of my time and services towards the project. I share because I want to and I am proud of the site and want it to be used to help others.
Family Matters- Across the Globe
I can’t help but to think about families in Ethiopia whose kids went’ overseas via adoption and hope that they can now have a means to connect and know how their children are. If we have learned anything from US adoptions and the return of the Korean adoptees; we should know that there comes a time when many adoptees have a true need to know their truths. There is no reason that children adopted from Ethiopia should feel any differently or that their families love them or wonder and worry about them any less.
Most importantly, though, I have to say, the best review came from the young man called M for whom in many ways the site was created for. He said (paraphrasing):
“I think the website is a really good idea, and if anyone is looking for their child, they should try really hard because their kids definitely want to know them.”
And of course, EAC is also on Facebook and Twitter! Please feel free to share the site with anyone with whom you feel might find it helpful.
