Does the War on Drugs Feed the Demand for Children?
I often get requests for guest post and my answer is always the same. I like to be helpful to other SEO writers and professionals as I still consider myself “one of them” and it is hard! So, I do accept posts written more for their SEO value, but ONLY if they are relevant and fit the overall goals of this site. So, while I know this post might be controversial in it’s concept, I think it is good food for thought.
It’s not saying that I think drug addicts should always be allowed to raise their children, as a child should never be in danger, but do we punish a person with an addiction, a disease, by removing heir child rather than helping?
I also have to say that so many times, when I hear of a birthmother who “struggled with addiction”, I wonder. Is this her way of dealing with the grief and loss? Would she have been able to fight the addiction should she had been helped, rather than having someone help themselves to her child? Is she addicted BECAUSE of the adoption is was the adoption because of the addiction?
Written by Eve Pearce
The issue of adoption is emotive enough, but when coupled with that of drug use it becomes even more so. For many outsiders the issue is clear cut, people who use illegal drugs, or even misuse legal substances such as alcohol, should not be bringing up small children. In reality, as with so many things in the world of adoption, the line is blurred, and the black and white merges to grey. There can’t be many people who wouldn’t agree that there are cases when babies and children need to be taken into care for their own safety; for people whose drug use out of control, or if it leads them into risky behaviors or dangerous situations. Few would condemn an innocent child to this sort of life, but what of the other drug users? There are legions of people walking our streets right now who would test positive for illegal drug use, and the truth is, in many cases you can’t tell by looking.
Shaming and Blaming
For parents who are using any kind of illegal substance the reasons behind their use can be complex. Almost universally they confess to the fear that their behavior will cause them to lose their child. Can we assume that they don’t love their children, or that they are not capable of raising them and giving them a good life? In many cases this would be an unjust and untrue assumption. This sort of stereotyping is also self-defeating; if the aim is to stop parents from using illegal substances, since the fear and shame it causes can actually deter them from seeking help. The truth is the help is out there, there are addiction treatment centers in every state and city in the US; from California to New Jersey addiction rehab facilities provide the support for those battling their habits. However if parents fear having their children forcibly taking for adoption, they may well keep their addiction secret, which will not help them to overcome it. It might be more helpful to talk about addiction as an illness or compulsion, rather than a crime, in order to help addicts to find the strength to seek help from professionals who can help them to regain control over their lives.
Medical Marijuana
An aspect of drug use where adoption is particularly controversial is the use of marijuana; either for medical or recreational purposes. There is a large and growing voice calling for the universal decriminalization of cannabis and for more research to be done into its potential medical uses. In Idaho recently three conspicuous advocates for the use of medical marijuana, Lindsey and Josh Rinehard and Sarah Caldwell, had their children arbitrarily taken into care in their absence. There is no suggestion that the children were neglected or unloved. The Rinehards claim that they had educated them about the dangers of all medicines, including the cannabis which their mother took to combat her multiple sclerosis. In point of fact in almost every house in America there are probably drugs and medications far more dangerous than the cannabis was, but, still the children were taken into foster care. Lindsey Rinehard has stopped using the cannabis which managed her MS symptoms, in an effort to get her little ones back as quickly as possible. Despite anyone’s feeling about the rights and wrongs of using illegal drugs as medication, the damage this will do to the children, the bewilderment and fear they must have gone through, is hard to exaggerate. Are these children better off away from their loving parents? It is difficult to understand why they would be. The Rinehards are possibly lucky since it seems likely that they will get their children back; other families have been less fortunate. There are cases where children have been permanently removed from their families due to minor drug use.
Forced adoption is a drastic step; there aren’t words to express the trauma it causes to all concerned. It surely should be preserved as a last resort, a final call for those cases where children are in grave danger and need a fresh start. In the case of loving parents who also happen to use illegal substances there are almost certainly much more appropriate methods to help, if help is required. For parents who take controlled levels of marijuana to combat severely painful diseases, it could be argued that compassion and not censure is called for. Otherwise one day someone is going to have to explain to these children why they were taken away from their loving families because they were using the wrong medicine.
Please, feel free to send me your adoption stories and I will post them here. I can give you credit or keep you unknown; whatever works for you.
Questions:
When CPS steps in and removes a child from a home due to some type of neglect or abuse doesn’t the child go into a Foster home or orphanage rather than them being adopted?
If that’s the case aren’t parents given an opportunity to clean themselves up? And if so, do the laws vary by state?
What is the solution? Do we need tighter drug laws and prohibition? Should a child be allowed to live with a neglectful/abusive parent while they are getting help? When do we get to a point where support turns into enablement that only benefits the parents rather than the child? Do we put laws in place where every situation is the same or handle things on a case by case situation?
The problem in this country is that we have massive deficits at the state and federal level no one wants their taxes raised and no one is ever willing to sacrifice (beyond our military). BTW I think taking someone’s kids away because they smoke marijuana is BS. Unless they are lit up all the time and neglecting their kids then there is no reason to belie the kids are in danger. That kid is safer in that situation than they are with an alcoholic, IMO.
Interesting post. I say interesting as I have lived this – only in a different way.
I was pregnant at 17 and not married. Good girl, college bound, strong religion. Family sent me a way to a maternity home and a baby broker took and sold my child. No drug use. Just single, young and pregnant with children who deserved better than a young, single, good girl, college bound mother.
Several years later a member of my family IS a drug addict and is pregnant with twins. Actively using during pregnancy, children are both born addicted. State steps in and takes children – but to foster care – and allows my family member to get into rehab and see children while cleaning up her act. Children are in foster care for almost a year – but have contact with mother.
Mother cleans up, children are returned to her. The world rejoices and all is good in their world and those two children will graduate high school next week as really good kids.
My drug addicted family member was lucky to get a state social worker that believed in family preservation and gave her proper support. I, on the other hand, was not so lucky with the adoption agency and maternity home caseworker.
If, and it is a strong if, TPR is necessary, once again, the children should retain access, knowledge, to the family of origin. Anything less, in my opinion, is another form of child abuse.
Surely we can protect mothers and children without having to make them enemies of the state – or each other?
On the topic of adoption and addiction, I wanted to share that Dr. Bob, co-founder of Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) was an adoptive parent. Bill W and his wife, Lois, wanted to adopt. However, one of their references told the truth about Bill’s alcoholism when asked by a social worker and they were not allowed to adopt. I’ve also noticed that if one enters the words “adoptive alcoholic parent” in a search engine the results make it seem like this is an oxymoron.
Religion is the opiate of the people. Religious nuts should not be allowed to adopt others people’s children and brainwash them either, so there, for all you who cast stones at people who may have struggled with addictions. After all, those perfect adopters never struggle with anything, now do they?
I gave birth at a very young age – in grammar school – and I would not have been able to raise my baby on my own of course, but the devastation and grief I felt when they took my child from me was crippling. I was disciplined – Roman Catholic style – and eventually went on to get a job after high school, put myself through college at night, get married, NOT have another child and drink too much. My life as a woman was ruined by religious notions and although I stopped drinking after seeking help in Adult Children of Alcoholics, Al-anon and AA, I know that any drinking I did was grief related and I suspect that much of the drinking that my parents continued to do was guilt or grief related. My son is their grandson. I suspect most if not all drug and substance problems relate to childhood trauma. We need as a society to love and support the whole person.
i differ from most of the stories & posts on all “birthmom” web sites i have been reading simply cause i relinquished two children. that were 2 & 4 yrs old. a strong love & bond was there. and even though i dont feel i was brainwashed or manipulated i do feel that if even one person wouldve told me the pain you ofcourse assume ypu’ll feel was actually tremendous anguish & physically heart wrenching that only gets worse with time i wouldve at the very least stepped back & gave it more thought & gotten some input from other birthmoms. i hated myself so deeply already that when i was treated like an unfit mother i ran with it & believed it but now..they wont allow me to see them even with an open adoption. and my oldest daughter isnt okay. theyre with a good family bit she wants her mom. and i told her in the office of her therapist that she wasnt going to be coming to live with me but that i promised i will never be away from her. i will still see her. thats what i waa told by adoptive parents. but a year later i still havent seen them. i cant call them & i know shes asking for me & i know the adoptive parents arent telling her its thm refusing the contact. so its killing me to know that shes some where wondering why i left her again.