This is where I get all Geeky, y’all. But not only do I want to explain, but I wish to share the knowledge. Bare with me. It’s worth it.

There has been much said about the words we choose to use to explain out adoption experinces.

Some words, such as Birthmother, are considered demeaning as well as exploitive and when used as “our birthmother” pripority and condesending. It has been said that we can not make people change the way they think and feel about adoption until we can change the way we and they all speak about adoption. When it is trully the lifelong separation of mother and child rather than “the loving choice“, then we know we will ahve come along way.

Still, words can change based on how we use them. Bastard is now a call to action rather than words of shame. Crack Whore Birth Mother is a perfect mockery of the typcial relinquishing mother sterotype and feels not as powerful when hurled at me and our kind when I have laughingly and lovingly called myself and some of my favorites by that name outloud.

I have always been a firm beleiver that the words we choose should met the audience for which it is intended.

I will speak to a senator and use the word birthmother for that it was he knows, but I will refer to myself as a mother over and over again. I will not define what an adoptee should call nor feel about his or her parents, all of them. And even though I am far from being proud of being a mother who relinquished, I can not begrudge another mother waering that name IF, and it is a big if, she can understand the origins of the word birthmother and claim it as a FU.

My policy, as much as possible, for some years now, is to refer to all parents, adoptive and by birth as just parents. Mothers are mothers, fathers are father. There are no birth sons, and adoptive daughters, but sonsand daughters though birth or adoption. And it’s not that I’m all PC really. It’s just a matter of respect for me. I know and have known too many wonderful and kind adoptive parenbs who, as I expect and am honored by them using my terms and not calling ME a birthmother, then I should honor them.. as they are parent as well. I cannot expect me all to respect me if I demean in the next breath. Sometimes, I don’t want to be nice, but I think kindness is contagious. I can save my other word choices for when I can be heard by those who appreiate and can not be hurt by wise cracking hurls of double edged dark humour.

And I could, along with any other forward thinking activist, say we must use terms like “family presevation” and unnecessary separation of mother and child”, and write whole posts dedicated to that chain of thought. Feeling that, yes, language is key to being heard. I mean, I love Rickie Solinger for that.

And then, I started working in SEO.

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Forgive me, but now I will talk to you about SEO as it relates to adoption as if you were two years old.

SEO is search engine optimization. It’s basically doing certian tricks online whether by tweaking your own website, or writing a certain way, or building links that makes a webpage show up close to the top when you look for something in Google, Yahoo, or what ever search engine you use to find stuff. If you are like most people, you type in exactly what you need and check out the first couple of things that show up on top. If you can’t find what you want, you might page down or you might choose to type in something else either more or less specific. Since most of us go to the sites listed first for information or to purchase something, there is value to a website showing up close to the top.. which is there Search engine ranking, not to be confused with page rank. You want to rank high.

Like how fustrating is it to type in adoption and find, dead off, for pages, adoption agencies and places that want to separate mothers and babies for a profit! Or find yourself in the mess of paid searches if you search for “adoption searches”. What would happen if the truth was on top and was the first places people found? Think about it.

We want people to HEAR us, well, they have to FIND us first!

And in order to do that, we have to write for the newbies. We have to write for what people search for. How do we know what people search for? We look into keyword research for answers.

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Keyword research lets us see what Joe an Betty Smoo are typing into their search engine boxes.

Not what I *think* they might search for or what I *want* them to search for, but what they are actually typing in. There are diferent programs that gather these numbers add them up; Wordtracker is one, Google has other versions with adwords. They all give differnt data and it’s often a sampling of the internet population, but it is like gold, this information.

Since conduction preliminary adoption keyword language, I have leanrded that NO ONE searches for “natural mother”; they look for birth mothers and birthmothers. People don’t search for “relinquishing mother”; they look for “unwed mother”. They don’t search for ethical adoption; they look for “Do it yourself adoption”. No wonder why why are preaching to the choir.

So, I have changed the way I write now so it is optomized for SEO and adoption

. It’s still the same me, but my choice of langage has changed. Becasue I want to be found. I want to be heard. Not that you are not wonderful, but you know already. You get it.

It’s that newly pregnant college student who is scared. Or that just found mother who is panicing. Or that adoptee who wants to search, but they need to know why first. Or the socialiolgy stduent writing a paper. Or the TV reporter looking for facts. I would to be found by them.

So please, I know why my choice of language might offened you and for that I am trully sorry. I can only say that if you are upset, then it is already too late for my words to change your fate and please understand, they are written for those who still have choices to make.

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That said, while I am writing this..

and I could just go on and on with SEO and adoption language.

It occured to me that this is something that people might want to know more about?? If folks were interested I could do a series of simple lessopns. It’s not brain surgery, plus, this community has a very unique abilty to ctually comntrol some seriosu rankings. We are an already established link farm.

Let me know.