Over at Grown in My Heart it’s Adoption Carnival Time again!
This time the topic is poetry. I ‘m not awful big on poetry, but I have a little something something I can recycle for today.
I always say I am “First Generation MTV” which basically means that I was at the perfect age when MTV launched to be perfectly impressionable.. and MTV helped shape my life. I think it was this video that sealed my fate. While Adam Ant earned a place on my teen walls, later on a hearty obession with The Cure and all things Goth did become a very strong influential factor as well… and to this day, seriously, there is no way I can feel comfortable if I am not wearing mostly black.
Flash foward to adoption awarness time, I revisited the lyrics of The Cure a few years ago. Editting key phrases out of lyrics of the Cure, the words of Robert Smith take on new meaning to a mother of adoption loss. I have had this up on Author’s Den since October of 2006 and I share it with you for this GIMH Adoption Carnival.
I chose an eternity of this
Just a piece of new meat in a clean room
All shadows and deliverance
Like falling angels
The world disappeared
Your face
I’ll never see you this way again
I captured it so perfectly
As if I knew you’d disappear away
Is it always like this?
Flesh and blood and the first breath
The first colours
The first kiss
Then everything falls apart
Broken inside me
Gasping for air
I’m gasping for air
I’m gasping for love
I’m gasping for air…
It falls apart
In the morning I cried
Leave me to die
You won’t remember my voice
I walked away and grew old
Is it always like this?
Windows in my heart
From a higher up than heaven
And a harder down than stone
Shake the fear that always clawing
Pulls me clawing down alone
Breaking windows in my heart
And the past is taunting
She flies outside this cage
Singing girlmad words
I keep her dark thoughts deep inside
As black as stone
And mad as birds
In the dark
My fears
You scream
You’re nothing
I don’t need you any more
You’re nothing
Is it always like this?
It fades and spins
Fades and spins…
A prayer for something better
A prayer
For something better
Please love me
Meet me…. mother…
And never turn away
all her love
everything
everywhere
Not nothing.
I feel you in my dreams
But the fear takes hold
Creeping up the stairs in the dark
And painting a lifeless face
You never talk
Pictures don’t talk.
It feels like a hundred years
One hundred years…
I’m dying for the hope is gone
From here we go nowhere again
I’m trapped in my fate and I’m changing
Too much
I can’t climb out the way I fell in
A hundred years of blood
Crimson
The ribbon tightens round my throat
I open my mouth
These occasions are such a relief
Another point another view to send
To celebrate our difference
Theorise and talk yourself
Until you’re tired and old
As you’re choking
Choking
Choking on the fleshy words
My life is cold
My life is hard
My life is too much for words
Deaden my glassy mind
Disappear everywhere and watch me
Pull my lips apart
Exploit! Inspire! Encourage!
Be responsible for this…
You hit me again
You howl and hit me again
The same sharp pain
Wakes me in the dark
And cuts me from my throat to my pounding heart
My heart
My shaking heart
My head is cold
My hands are cold
My heart is cold
My heart is black
And stops every fucking night
Every night
I wait until it stops…
I chose an eternity of this
WOW, Claudia. That is eerie. Those words… I almost can’t believe they WEREN’T written about adoption loss! Great pick!
Done. Thanks for the heads up.
Thanks for this poetry. So many thoughts.
The part that says, “You never talk, pictures never talk” really hit me hard.
What a stunning piece, Claudia! I was stopped in my tracks with:
I walked away and grew old.
Is it always like this?
Very intense and good. Very good.
Was Adam adopted??
Sure see a lot of pain in those lyrics relating to loss in adoption.
Oh none of this was Lyrics from Adam Ant.. it’s All Robert Smith from the Cure…a whole bunch of songs..
I noticed the picture of Robert Smith and clicked the link and found the words to a song that I played over and over during my pregnancy.
I was fan before I fell pregnant and I was inlove by the end lol There are so many song by The Cure that helped me through my adoption process.
I’m glad I’m not alone in thinking how well the lyric’s fitted to the situation.
ha like you I don’t feel comfortable unless I’m wearing black.
Thank you for sharing, it was nice to come across someone like you.