How Come  Birthmothers are NEVER Considered?

Perhaps you have already heard about Kristina Bragg’s story, but it bears repeating. Kristina was a teen mom who successfully cared for her daughter for  almost 2 years until life circumstances made it almost impossible. AT that time, like too many, she was offered help while she got back on her feet and was eventually convinced that adoption relinquishment was in her child’s best interests. Of course, she was promised continued contact and visits with her child.

It’s bad enough when another person desires your child and you can’t do all that you wish to feel that you can parent as successfully. It’s even worse when the promises are broken, promises that greatly influenced one’s decision to relinquish in the first place, are broken. It’s even worse when the very same people who desired your own child decide that they do not want her anymore.

Kristina’s daughter has been relinquished BY her “forever family” and is up for adoption again. It is now a rehoming situation, BUT Kristina would like to be up for consideration. Now, she is in a place where adoption is not by any means ” better”, but returning this little girl to the family that she has had contact with, does have biological connections with, and can successfully be cared for is in her BEST interest.

She should be returned to her own mother.

But Kristina, having signed the relinquishment consent is nothing more than a legal stranger to her own daughter despite having given birth to her.

This is Kristina’s story:

Broken Promises in Adoption and Silence – Leading to Rehoming

“April 6th 2005 my world changed forever. I was 16 and gave birth to a beautiful little girl. I was determined to make a good life for us. I wouldn’t be another stereotype.

Around this time I was placed in foster care due to other family members issues. I went to school full time and worked full time to make a good life for us. I graduated with a B Average, and decided to move on to college to pursue nursing, as I was being sent down to a different home to help me transition in Grand Rapids, MN. They helped me get on my feet and steady to raise my daughter. The whole time she was in my care, I love that they did this.

Once out in the real world though, things were different. It was tough for me to find a reliable sitter who could handle my shift work as some days were 13 hours long.  When I finally thought I had found one, a month into it she skipped town, robbed me of my jewelry and bank account (checks) and left me with a trashed apartment and my daughter at a local daycare.

This is when I met her soon to be adoptive parents. They did care for her for me on some weekends when I couldn’t find a sitter and OFFERED to take her if I ever couldn’t handle it.

Let me repeat this: THEY APPROACHED ME. THEY ASKED ME. THEY OFFERED.

I had no choice, I moved back home to International Falls. It was all downhill from there. I didn’t qualify for any county assistance, no child support, I was making $800 a month working 45 hour weeks. My daycare was 600 a month and my rent was 350+ utilities. It just couldn’t be done. I don’t come from money, I’ve worked hard my whole life to get what I have. So I made the most unselfish and heartbreaking decision: I decided to adopt my daughter. At this time she was 2 years old.

I had kept in touch with my former foster “mother” (we are 6 years apart) and she originally took her with the intention of adopting her. I was more than happy with this arrangement, she wanted open and so did I. Unfortunately, they were already in the process of adopting and her husband at the time did not want to take on another one.

So I gave her to my second choice. The family that had offered to help.

Broken Promises of “Open Adoption”

Originally we agreed on 3 visits a year and open communication. As soon as my paperwork was finalized, it was “No more calling the house, dont mail anything to us, go through the agency for contact, and 2 visits a year”

It was the TOUGHEST thing ever. My adoption was finalized on Valentine’s Day 2008. Her bio fathers dads family showed up and glared at me the whole time. No one came for me. I cried on my court appointed lawyer’s shoulder.

Eventually I married, moved to Canada (EH?) and had another child. We still had visits. My husband and other daughter came with. (They get along so well!) I was always respectful of them. They asked me to take down my pics on facebook, I did, they asked me to let her call me Kristina (she liked to call me mommy number 1) I did. On my last visit I made a mistake….

I had found out that her bio dad wasn’t taking his visits. I asked them to consider giving it to me, or giving me an extra hour. That was the last time I saw her.

Cut Out Completely from Her Daughter’ Life

Since then I have made numerous calls to the agency, and a few fb emails to the adoptive mother. I got back from her that “L is having behavioral issues. no visits at this time” I responded with okay, hope it all goes ok, let me know if you need anything, please notify me when I can see her. That was at least two years ago. I have had no other response from that family. So I called the agency, first nicely, then in tears, then with some fire in my voice. You see, a friend of mine, who lives in the same town, told me that she suspected L was in a foster home. So I pressed harder.

I finally got a call back at the beginning of this month. L is in an adoptive foster home. Has been for over a year.

I broke. I screamed, I cried, I couldn’t breathe. We contacted the family and the county worker who is handling this new adoption; giving them updated info on me – I’m doing very well, nice job, just bought a house. yadayadayada. Offered to do a sit down with the family, in a public place, just to talk. Thinking that there is no way in hell these people could be this way and know that I wasn’t informed.

They denied my request. Sent me one picture. Told me not to contact them anymore at this time. They “may” choose to contact me later.

And this is where I am now: I feel violated. I feel like it’s not right to take the one thing she has constantly had in her life since birth. I’m so broken. I have found an awesome lawyer who advised me to appeal to unseal my records; both so that I can get a new copy (mine was destroyed) and so that if it doesn’t turn out she can find me later. He wants my case but is only willing to take it if he thinks we can win.  Depending on the wording of the paper work, we might actually have a chance. He also stated that this is the first time he has ever heard of this in Minnesota. EVER. Why they didn’t contact me I will never know as they are not talking to me.

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Eventually, Kristina did receive an apology from the original adoptive father that said that they were “not advised” to tell her that they were dissolving the adoption. At first, Kristina decided to take legal action and appeal to the court for the agreed on visitation or custody;

“I feel like my rights have been violated as I was not informed of anything that has been taking place. I signed up for an open adoption so that I could know her, and she could know where she came from.”

Since then, Kristina has decided to try to adopt her daughter back. They did already have a court hearing regarding the records in this case and the court does not have an adoption agreement on file, and neither does her original attorney.  He has a consent to adopt, but it’s not a signed one.

Kristina has set up a GoFundMe page to help pay for the legal costs. There is also a page on Facebook set up that you can LIKE right NOW and get updates.