Prepare for the Emotions of an Adoption Reunion

If you are an adoptee or a birth parent planning on an adoption search and hopeful to have a family reunion, there is no such thing as too much planning.  The time to start preparing for an adoption reunion is actually way before you start your actual adoption search. I have seen searches that take 30 years and I have seen searches that take 30 hours, so you can’t think that you can let the search pace be your timeline. Get ready.

An adoption search and the subsequent reunion with family can be both time consuming and sometimes even obsessive inducing. It’s often very hard to go from some sort of life removed from adoption to a life where adoption “stuff” is constantly on our minds. Plus every situation is different. There is no one right way or one wrong way, a check list of sorts, we all just wing it somehow.

Please ensure that you are AWARE of the RISKS of Genetic Sexual Attraction! Learn about and understand GSA BEFORE a Reunion. It is normal and the damage and confusion are avoidable if one is aware!

Read Stories of Adoption Reunions

You will want to be reading all the adoption reunion stories that you can so you can gain insight and knowledge from other people’s experiences. As much as everyone has a different take on the whole thing, there are many common themes in adoption reunions. Make sure you read adoption stories from the adoptee point of view and read adoption reunion stories told form the birthmother or birthfather’s point of view. Read the good happy family reunion stories and read the tales of adoption reunions gone bad.

I cannot stress this enough; READ

Read The Girls Who Went Away
and  read The Baby Thief to understand the history of adoption in the USA. You can find more Books about Adoption Reunions here.

You MUST be prepare for the realm of possibilities that you might find and you need to know how to prepare yourself for the emotional up and down that happens! Read adoptee blogs and read blogs and stories from the birth parents point of view too. I always say that my heart hurts the most for anyone who finds success at the end of their adoption search and has ONLY their emotions to guide them.  Emotions are just not enough. The term “emotional roller-coaster” is used by almost every person in a search and reunion and with good reason.. it can make you feel crazy and if you are not prepared you might begin to think you really are! ”

• Your adopted parents might or might not understand why you are searching for your biological family. “
• Your birth family might not be what you expected and you will need to understand why your mother won’t met you.

Find Adoption Reunion Support

Start gathering together the people who “understand” and will support you . An adoption search both emotionally exhausting and wonderful when it starts a reunion with family, but that’s only the beginning of a new journey.  It’s a good time now to find and adoption group for support. The bonus of sharing an adoption reunion with others in adoption is that we know you are not crazy as we all lived it too.

To find Adoption Support Online and Locate Adoption Support Group Meetings; click here.

Not all these groups are for everyone, so take a peak and find one that feels good. It’s also not a bad idea to see if you can find a local group that physically meets once in a while. Finding your family is like any long term relationship; it is hard, but worth it. You do need to invest time and effort for an adoption reunion to succeed.

Adoption Reunion Rules and Advice

I have tried over the years to share both stories from my own reunion experience and also to talk about other issues that adoptees and birthmothers face. I am as flawed as the next person and I don’t think any of us are experts, but I try to share what I have learned and my thoughts.  You’ll find some  of the most relevant posts regarding adoption reunions below:

• What is a Successful Adoption Reunion?

• Ways to Ruin an Adoption Reunion I; The Birthmother Do’s and Don’ts Edition

• Ways to Ruin an Adoption Reunion II; The Adoptee Do’s and Don’ts Edition

• What Does Work in the Adoption Reunion?

• Finding Happiness in Spite of Adoption Reunion Issues

• Numbers in Adoption Reunions; How Many People Get Told NO?

• Secondary Adoptee Rejection in Adoption Reunions

• Reclaiming Our Motherhood After Adoption Relinquishment

• The Risk of Genetic Sexual Attraction for Adoptees and Birth Parents in Reunions

If you have a specific question about a reunion, you can ask me directly and I can offer my insight or, especially if the Adoptee perspective is needed, I am happy to post adoption questions and enter needed topics for conversation.  Please feel free to get in touch with any adoption reunion questions.

For more Reading about Adoption Reunion Issues, Stories, Information and Advice, click here.