How to Give Your Baby Up for Adoption - Adoption & Birth Mothers*

The whole story, from beginning to end, of how I became a birthmother.

Adoption as a Solution to Crisis Pregnancy

The following is a collection of post recounting my experience as a teenage mother and how I found myself in the situation where I placed my infant son for adoption. It is wholly based on my current memories and my writings of that time of my pregnancy and relinquishment, and while I might be off on some things due to memory lapse, it is not embellished for effect. Certain people might recognize themselves by name or reference, and if you find that unsuitable, please let me know and we will come up with a way to hid your involvement in my story. My adoption story here is not meant to hurt any participants, nor cast blame, no shovel guilt, but to accurately convey what the experience of becoming a birthmother was like for me.

The Story of a Birthmother: How to Give your Baby Up for Adoption

To find out the final bits of the story, go to The Story of How I Found My Adopted Child

Most Birthmother Stories are very different, yet very much the same.

The feelings are usually along the same themes. The loss and grief after the relinquishment are pretty universal.

Please remember that for all intents and purposes, I was a willing birthmother who choose adoption as an option. I gave birth in 1987 and my agency was considered progressive and top knotch and the adoption tactics I faced were standard for that time, and many continue to this day. My adoption counselling was, in hindsight, subtly coercive and at times, the adoption agency was unethical. But, overall, this was and is, considered a “good” adoption story. Very typical for my agency and still in other adoption agencies of today.

As we see adoption promoted by the National Council for Adoption and even promoted as an alternative to abortion by President Obama, let’s keep in mind that THIS is what we are asking women to life with. THIS is what we are asking them to do. THIS is what we think is logical and a “win-win” solution to a crisis, unexpected, teen or unwed pregnancy.

All I can tell you, that THIS SUCKS. It was horrible to live through it at the time and the legacy of adoption and life as a birthmother is still no better now.

1 Comment on "How to Give Your Baby Up for Adoption"

maddy | April 12, 2013 at 11:02 pm |

Thanks for sharing the adoption story. I was part of an open adoption too, 1983, and we have been reunited for 13 years. We live in different countries, and have met, but it has been a painful meeting, due to family involvement. Unlike you, her birthfather has been involved with her, and I am glad for them, he lives in the same city, but it brings up very painful memories for me. I have just been asked by her, if she can travel with her birthfather, to visit my sister, who lives in a developing country. I feel very sad, and stressed about this meeting. Not good at all. I am feeling that my life is being invaded but with no thought for me.

I t is painful the adoption lasts a life time, and I have to overcome fear and anger that the intimacy she shares with her birthfather, I will never have.