Thinking of Adoption? Please Try to Avoid Becoming this Kind of Adoptive Parent
The term in “Adoptoraptor” is technically a “real” term that can be found in the Urban Dictionary. As described in the UD, an “Adoptoraptor” is…
” A person who adopts a child for his/her own selfish needs.
Adoptoraptors are known to adopt children from overseas because they never want the child to be able to find his/her biological parents. The adopted child’s biological history, ethncity, and culture are irrelevant to an adoptoraptor because the child’s needs are not what is important.
Adoptoraptors who adopt within their own country use their money to pay off corrupt adoption agencies that facilitate adoptions where the fathers are never informed that they have a child and their rights are stripped. The agencies they use coerce women in “crisis” pregnancies to give up their children to the adoption machine so that they can be sold to adoptoraptors.
Adoptoraptors do not want their child to ever know his/her biological parents or family. They support immoral legislation that seals an adoptee’s original birth certificate and replaces it with a falsified amended one listing the adopted parents as the biological parents.
Adoptoraptors like to frequent adoptee blogs where they can belittle adopted persons for fun. They like to label adoptees as “angry”, “angsty”, “ungrateful”, etc. for wanting to know their biological histories.
Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt are adoptoraptors. Madonna is an adoptoraptor. Katherine Hiegl is an adoptoraptor. Sandra Bullock is an adoptoraptor.”
Not ALL Adoptive Parents Are Adoptoraptors
Now is this an insulting term? Most definitely. It is actually supposed to be an insult. One really does not want to aspire to sink to the depths of a true “adoptoraptor”. If you happen to find that fit into the actual description of the term, then you should probably go sit in a corner and think about your life. ( my 11 year old loves to say that. I think he coined the phrase himself)
However if you DO NOT consider yourself as possibly fitting into the description of an Adoptoraptor, then please, DON’T BE INSULTED.
Let me repeat; NOT ALL ADOPTIVE PARENTS ARE ADOPTORAPTORS, though sadly, all Adoptoraptors ARE adoptive parents. However, if the shoe does not fit, then please stop cramming your foot in there.
In other words, I am not talking about you. K? It’s NOT about you.
Which also means that I don’t need to be told how insulting this is to you. (Not about you, remember, so if you CHOOSE be insulted, than that’s you business and I cannot control how you feel)
And please do not tell me how I just HATE ALL adoptive parents because I am talking about the BAD actions of SOME adoptive parents. It’s just not true and I won’t even entertain the thought. But here; to make you feel better, I will state again how there are MANY adoptive parents that I really LIKE, respect and call my friends. Like real friends. I hug them and everything.
Oh, and I don’t need to be told how YOU did everything super ethically and there is no way that YOU can possible be considered an Adoptoraptor ( I know, it’s NOT about you!)
And if you bother wasting your time, telling me how MEAN and cruel it is to say the word Adoptoraptor, then I might have to mock you, (yes, you) because really, you should NOT be JUST horrified by the word.. you should really, especially if you are an adoptive parent, be horrified by the ACTIONS of the people who make the term “Adoptoraptor” appropriate in some cases of adoption.
So in other words, GOOD adoptive parents should also hold those who act like Adoptoraptors, completely accountable for their BAD actions. In general, because they are horrible asshats who might be sometimes giving you a bad name. ( yes, this time if you are an AP then I do mean you) Or at least tarnishing you though association. So don’t get mad at me.. .I didn’t hold a gun to anyone’s head and force them to act and think like this. Be mad at these entitled idiots.
So with that aside, let us be HORRIFIED together by the actions of these known types of Adoptoraptors.
This list was created and donated to a wonderful human being who has chosen to remain nameless. With that, I present to you:
Top Ten Levels of Adoptoraptors
- The “Julie Corey” — So desperate for “a baby of my own” they viciously murder an expectant mother and cruelly cut her baby from her womb.
- The “Annugetta Pettway” — Women who kidnap newborns from hospital nurseries.
- The Black Market Adopter and Delusional “As-If-Born-To-Us” – Willing to go to any extreme, even illegal, black market means, to get a baby. These adoptoraptors will usually also go to extreme lengths to keep the adoptee’s truth about their adoption from them and will vehemently insist when questioned, “You’re our son! I don’t want to hear this crazy nonsense about adoption any more!”
- The “Matt and Melanie Capobiancos” – Infertile, desperate adopters who are willing to pay huge amounts of money to purchase a baby to adopt against her family’s wishes, and who will stop at nothing to bully and vilify longing, heartbroken family.
- The “Crisis Pregnancy Centers” – Lay in wait and entrap vulnerable young women to confuse, dominate and coerce; take their babies to sell to the highest bidders (see Capobiancos above).
- The “Kim and David Hodgins” – Manipulate the legal system to wrongfully keep a foster child assigned to them away from her family by subverting social services, falsely accusing parent(s) of neglect/abandonment, clogging the legal system with frivolous appeals and repeated petitions to adopt, while mounting a media campaign filled with defamation, lies, and blown-out-of-proportion “facts,” which embarrasses and endangers the child.
- The “Perverted Religious” “God told me to adopt” – Delude themselves into thinking “this child was sent by God just for us” (see Hodgins and A.S.S., above) to “I am a superior person and more entitled to another man’s child” (see all above).
- The “Moralists and Demonizers” – Those who convince themselves the mother has callously abandoned and really doesn’t want her baby: “Adoptive parents are somewhat relieved of guilt if they can be assured that the birth parents truly did not want their child; for, under those circumstances, it is possible to feel entitled to claim the child of others.”
- The “Hugh Jackman and Deborra-Lee Furness” and “Susan Burns” – Will schmooze and overpower a mother’s reticence with promises of “open adoption” to convince them to give up their babies, only to abruptly and cruelly slam the door shut and cut off communication. Dr. Burns even wrote a book bragging about it and teaching other adoptoraptors how to do it. (Both banished mothers committed suicide.) Huge Jackman and his sad excuse for a human being wife also fit under the The “Hollywood Adoption Fantasy” Tool – If you use your Hollywood connections and “star” connections to pay big bucks for a child and influence a positive home study when you really shouldn’t pass ( Rosie O’ Donnell and Woody Allen also come to mind); it is expected that folks like this will continue to consider the mother of their adopted children merely an inconvenience and will NEVER honor the connection despite previous promises and lies. The washed out Jo Beth Williams is a known Hollywood Adoption Liar of such practices.
- The “Adopter Savior Syndrome” – “If you are a White adoptive parent who has engaged in the transnational adoption process in order to adopt an ethnic baby, you may suffer from a severe case of A.S.S.”
For further reading about Adoptoraptors, check out:
And don’t forget, especially for birthmothers; 15 Ways to Be Vulnerable to Adoption Agencies. The vulnerable are especially tasty for the Adoptoraptor to feed on.
If I am understanding you correctly, you utilize this term to insult the people that fit it’s description with the hope that they recognize the error of their ways and do something about it for the benefit of the child as well as their child’s family. If that is the case, have you or anyone else who has used it found it to be effective in leading to these people recognizing the error of their ways and making changes to benefit their child and their child’s family?
Not really…the fact is that those who have taken the path to adoptoraptor land probably will never see the error of their ways and are just too far gone. The point is that we should ALL be horrified by such and publicly say so. It’s to point out that these actions are just NOT acceptable by anyone and should be mocked as such.
And, if now is the point where you find the need to tell me that this is an ineffective method, that it ostracizes others, etc.. just. stop. 🙂
Actually you are going to find this hard to believe, my follow up is what has been effective in connecting with those adoptive parents who are open minded enough to listen to you and make changes?
Oh course, I LOVE knowing more of what does work.
What’s worked for you? I remember you wrote a piece about connecting with politicians to help recognize your story. Has a similar approach worked for you in connecting with adoptive parents or those who are unaware of certain aspects of adoption?
I’m not trying to make a point here or call you out on anything but rather trying to listen/read what your experience has been.
I’m an adoptive parent, and I agree with the general statement that there are bad adoptive parents. I’ve met them. Some are horrifying.
But I disagree with some on your list because I don’t think they are even the title adoptoraptors is too kind for them. They are out and out kidnappers. Kim and David Hogins, the Capobiancos, and those like them are NOT adoptive parents to me, and therefore cannot fit the term of evil adoptive parents. They are kidnappers. Plain and simple. It’s like in Rapunzel, with Mother Gothel. I read on a blog about how this portrays adoption in a bad light, and for me, I say, no, this portrays kidnapping in a bad light. She was an evil woman who stole a child from her parents.
I want to be clear that I agree adoptoraptors exist, and I personally don’t take offense to the term. But it’s too gentle and implies at lease a level of legality to people who do not deserve anything but the harshest of descriptors.
Oh I think I love you. In fact I know I do. Thank you!
Holy typos, Batman! Sorry for that! 🙂
You are so welcome. As a side note, I appreciate your qualifying statement that there are good adoptive parents, but I don’t think it needs to be said. There is no point or need to speak out about good adoptive parents (we shouldn’t need pats on the back or a boost to our self-esteem), but there is a definite need to speak out about bad ones. It should be obvious that in general use, when speaking of bad adoptive parents, there are of course good ones, too. When we talk about parental abuse, we do not need to constantly qualify that there are non-abusive parents, too, do we? Of course not, because people take that for granted without it being explicitly said. But blog about bad adoptive parents, and the underwear of APs around the world simultaneously and suddenly bunches up and angrily worded protests are fired off to the author. “Not me! I’m a good adoptive parent! How dare you?” Methinks some doth protest a wee too much.
Great post as always. And kudos to Pamela for looking at herself and why she was/is uncomfortable. Reminds me of when adoptees told me I “abandoned” my daughter. NO I did not! But to her, YES, I DID. Point taken and painfully felt.
Here’s a little exercise to show you how many potential raptors there are out there. Put the term “desperate to adopt” into Google and take it for a spin. Mine shows 95,600 results. Granted, some are duplicates and some links will be about animals. But the “desperation” surely shows the potential for hoards of adoptoraptors!