Articles by Claudia Corrigan DArcy

Birthmother Regrets & Lessons, Costs of Adoption, Relinquishment, Reunions & Support November 15, 2012

Thinking About Adoption Affects on the “Kept” Child

When I relinquished Max, it was suppose to be something that affected ME. The pain and loss was to be mine to bear as Max would be “better off”, his father unaware, my brother and extended family equally as clueless and my mother, well she didn’t matter.. at least I was not give pause to consider how nay one else felt. Like so many things in adoption, the professionals were wrong. Like we say, the “gift of adoption” just keep on giving and giving.. the pain has a huge ripple effect that touches every aspect of a woman’s lives including ALL our children

Birthmother Regrets & Lessons, Relinquishment, The Adoption Industry November 14, 2012

What Preplacement Adoption Counseling Should Look Like

Over and over we hear again, “I wouldn’t have done this if I knew it was so hard”. The intensity of grief is really glossed over. Maybe we can never truly begin to understand this until we live it, but “feelings of peace and contentment” do not come close. Maybe if adoption agency counseling warned of blind, toe numbing, soul clutching waves of grief and never ending tears that you eventually sort of get used to “living with” then we could talk. I have yet to see that on ANY agency website or in their literature. How about we just begin to include BOTH sides of the coin with their “Birthmother Testaments” so considering mothers get an idea of what COULD be the outcome.

Community, Rants and Raves, Searches November 13, 2012

The Fifth and Final Name by Rhonda Noonan

When the end is reached, you will not doubt the validity of her claims, for she has inherited the DNA strain that was so obvious in her famous grandfather Sir Winston Churchill, yes THAT Churchill, the British Prime Minister; she never, never, never, gave up. While Rhonda wins out in the end, The Fifth and Final Name illustrates the injustice in the closed record system while providing a strong primer of adoption truth and adoptee understanding that the non adoption affected can understand.

A Birthmothers Life, Community November 13, 2012

Reflections on the Past 25 Years as Birthmother

Here I am, 25 years later and adoption has been the single most life altering instance upon my life. It still continues to this day. If it wasn’t for adoption, I would not be here. This is a simple fact. I would be getting ready for my son’s birthday. He will be 25 tomorrow. We would have cake. Instead, we will text him and hope we can get in a call.

Choices of the damned; Damned if you do, damned if you don't

A Birthmothers Life, Community November 12, 2012

Supporting People in Adoption, in Life; What Does it Mean?

When I think about my own relinquishment and I could not tell you who “supported” it and who didn’t. I guess in public view, I was “supported” because no one told me it was a really bad idea, but no one, except of course the adoption agency, said it was real great idea either. I don’t think anyone knew what the hell to do or what to say, so they just followed my lead and “supported” whatever I wanted. Based on that definition of “support” I wish someone had been really “unsupported” of the adoption and given me a hard time!

Adoption Questions and Facts, Before Making an Adoption Plan, Relinquishment November 11, 2012

Hard Truths; A Birthmother is Abandoning Her Child

Somewhere inside, they are baby who misses their mothers smell and they don’t have the words to describe that feeling. Someone inside they could be a 3 year old who is scared and angry and wishes that you could come and take them away. Someday, they could turn out to be a person who doesn’t care about stuff, but only wants to fit in with people that get them. Or maybe, just maybe, they think that THEY should have been important enough to warrant a better plan on our part. That THEY were worth working harder, pinching pennies, putting off school, fighting the system, arguing with parents, going on social services.

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Does adoption save children form abuse? NO!

Adoption Questions and Facts, Relinquishment November 10, 2012

Does Voluntary Adoption Relinquishment Save Children from Abuse?

Somewhere along the line the connection has been made that young, unwed mothers with unplanned pregnancies are destined to live a life of poverty and drag their children down with them by abusing their children, resenting their existence, and failing to provide an adequate life. The simple answer is given that if more of these women made adoption plans when facing these unplanned pregnancies then we could prevent future involvement by Child Protective Services and keep these children in ideal homes from the get go, removing the need for Foster homes, and prevent the damage created by the initial abuse. It’s a lovely concept, but like so much in adoption, it is seriously flawed and this belief is not based on fact.

marketing the business of adoption in the USA

The Adoption Industry November 9, 2012

Re-Marketing Adoption

So the supply comes from the birthmother producers, the demand comes from the potential adoption parents and then profit and loss comes to the adoption agency who must keep their expenses lower than their fees so they can stay in business. It doesn’t matter WHY you think adoption does or does not need to be here, this is the way it WORKS.

Adoption and regret go hand in hand.

Birthmother Regrets & Lessons, Cultural Views on Adoption November 8, 2012

I Own It; Making Mistakes, Accepting Responsibility and Regret

I would undo it, I would change it, but I can’t. Yes, I regret that I let my son be adopted. I know no one held a gun to my head and no one, in my case, forced me to sign those papers. I know that I had my reasons at the time and they are perfectly acceptable reasons and common to adoption practices to this day. In many ways, I know that I was an ideal birthmother and I admit, over and over, that I was visibly a “content, peaceful and happy” birthmother for many years. I am aware that I sent myself away; I plucked the idea of adoption out of thin air, and I presented it as a solution to my friends and family.

Adoption is not a gift!

Before Making an Adoption Plan, Cultural Views on Adoption, Relinquishment November 7, 2012

Good Mothers Don’t Even Think About Adoption!

We see the messages that mother who keeps the child that she can ill-afford is considered irresponsible. The mother who needs public assistance is considered a freeloader. The mother who gets pregnant again too soon should “know better how babies are made”. The mother who is too young and unwed should have “thought about the consequences before she spread her legs”. The single mother raising her children is “breaking the fabric of the American values”.

Secondary adoption reunion rejection hurts

Adoption Koolaide & Birthmother Denial, Adoption Questions and Facts, Reunions & Support, Searches November 6, 2012

Secondary Adoptee Rejection in Adoption Reunions

No one is trying to find their birthmothers to throw stones or cast blame, yet on that emotional level we have to acknowledge that the adoptee can feel rejected by the act of adoption placement whether voluntary or forced. It doesn’t matter how they can now, as adult, intellectualize the circumstances of their relinquishment, the child inside still knows the pain and that child wants it’s mother. There is an innocence there in this need to reconnect. It is pure feeling.

Adoption Events November 5, 2012

Mary Gauthier at The Rosendale Cafe NY

WHO: Adoptee Singer Songwriter Mary Gauthier
WHEN: 3/13/2013
WHERE: Rosendale Cafe, Rosendale , NY
ONLINE: http://www.marygauthier.com/tour/
VENUE: http://www.rosendalecafe.com/music.php
Tickets: $20.00
BONUS: I’ll be there!

Why the pain of open adoption is too much for some birthmothers

Adoption Questions and Facts, Birthmother Grief November 5, 2012

When a Birthmother Closes an Open Adoption

Often, the adoptive parents who are writing these stories are genuinely upset and confused. They actually believe in the benefits of open adoption for their children. They want the mothers of their children to have contact with the children they relinquished and to know that the kids are doing well. They don’t understand why the mothers, and sometimes fathers, of their adopted children just disappear.

Crisis Pregnancy centers are not always to be trusted!

Relinquishment, The Adoption Industry November 4, 2012

Crisis Pregnancy Centers Funneling Adoption Misinformation

What the adoption industry counts on is that we won’t bother digging in and finding how they are all connected. It’s really easy to make a nonprofit host one website that links to another controlled website that links to another and make them all look independent. What they are doing is breaking up the whole message into little bits that then get fed to women over and over again, It looks like the message comes from all these different sources that have only her best interests at heart, but all roads lead to Bethany and Adoption and a lifetime of grief.