Articles by Claudia Corrigan DArcy

Waeving the tapestry of adoption truths

Adoption March 7, 2006

Adoption: The Tapestry of Gray, Weaving Truth.

There is no simple answer in adoption. Adoption is made of millions of individual experiences. We all have a thread in it. We all weave it together.

Adoption is not one color. It is not one shade. It is millions of different shades of gray, some threads change mid stream…from brightly colored, to the black of death, back to a pale whisper of what it once was. Some are almost invisible, but they are still there, holding their place, keeping the pattern alive.

Inner Momma Bears Roar

Before Making an Adoption Plan, Birthmother Regrets & Lessons March 4, 2006

Momma Bears Unhinged and Non-thinking Pitfalls

How else can a mother be able to walk away from her child except that she feels that it is the best and only thing for her baby’s well being? Where else does she get that strength except from her internal momma bear? And what if that momma bear has been given the wrong messages? What is it is based on crazed idealistic fantasies and stupid lists based on doubt? What if she could harness all that internal strength needed to fight the grief and instead use it to fight all the reasoning behind a possible loss? What if she stopped trying to be the “best birthmother” but tried to be the best mother? What if adoption reasoning and lists and generic feel good thoughts of grateful and happy adoptive parents didn’t get in the way of natures supreme processes?

My demons of loss attack at night.

Adoption, Birthmother Grief, Birthmother Regrets & Lessons February 5, 2006

Shattered and Broken Hard

I would love to see a real deep physiological study done on the growing up, formative years of women who “choose” to become mothers of loss. My guess is that we were not loved unconditionally by mothers with issues who tended to be narcissistic I think our fathers might be either absent or didn’t stand up to our mothers rule. And maybe that could also be reversed too? I wonder if we ever felt worthy of anything, so how could we be worthy of our children?
It’s a hard battle to feel I am suppose to have anything I want and keep it. Sometimes I don’t feel I deserve it at all. And then, part of me screams how much I should have and I am entitled. But I still am afraid of the loss again.

Williams Lumber is a horrible store run by bad people

Rants and Raves February 2, 2006

Why WILLIAMS LUMBER sucks!

Can’t say that I keep secrects; Here’s the story of how I was arrested for grand larceny! Never mind that Williams Lumber made 13K off that would not be in their pocket at all if I had not worked 70 plus hours a week for almost 3 months without any other compensation by them. They fired me, had me arrested and black balled my name.

A Birthmothers Life January 27, 2006

Mother of Loss meets Loss of Mother

She cleaned a mean house and laundry got done on schedule. And oh, could that woman shop!!! Shopping with my mother was a religious experience. Macy’s with my Mom on their “One Day Sales”…we would run to the register laden with bargains. The cashier’s worst nightmare.

Adoption affects lives just like the ripples in a pond from a stone thrown affects the shores

Adoption Koolaide & Birthmother Denial, Birthmother Regrets & Lessons January 24, 2006

The Long Term Ripples in Adoption

Sometimes, it comes with the birth of a second child that makes us realize what motherhood means, what was truly lost, what is gone forever.
Sometimes, it just comes with maturity. We become less self absorbed and see what we decided does not just effect us, does not just “build a family” that makes us feel good, but that the loss continues to grow and effect others in our lives in ways we could not see.
I tell the pregnant and considering adoption to look beyond the immediate. Not just at NOW, but at later.

Rants and Raves January 22, 2006

A Very Weird Underwater Earthworm

Ok, so we have this fishtank that my mother in law got for my youngest when he turned two. We couldn’t keep a fish alive in there for anything. We must have spent a huge sum of money on buying fish, and then gave up. And it sat empty. So at one point this summer, we went fishing with the kids and bought minnows. We didn’t end up using them…

Adoption News, Cultural Views on Adoption January 19, 2006

Adoption: an American Revolution

Will you document the Mothers who were lied to and forced to lose the children they so desperately wanted, or will you only show the few happy reunions of such broken women? Will you discuss the issues and problems of current adoption practices that do not really honor the bond between mother and child and how to make things better, or will you just show the smiling faces of the “happy good birthmother” and promote more adoptions for a 13 billion dollar industry?

A Birthmothers Life January 18, 2006

Lighter Fare or How to NOT Piss Off a Food Server

And while I am at it..you tea drinkers. We just hate you. All of us. Every waiter and waitress all over. Tea sucks. The NY Times said it. They did a survey. Tea is the biggest pain in the ass ever. I have to put the loose tea in the tea bag, temper your pot, heat your cup, guess if you want honey or lemon or milk or sugar…

Adoptionland- we have each other

A Birthmothers Life, Birthmother Regrets & Lessons January 14, 2006

My Friend Merridee

It’s her son’s birthday this week. That haunting look just flickered quickly though her eyes when she told me. No one could have noticed the quiver in her voice. I saw it. I know what a birthday means.
“When do you usually crash?” I asked her.
“I’ll get hit on Wednesday” she replied.

Birth Control fails

A Birthmothers Life January 12, 2006

Hyper Fertility: I Didn’t Ask for This

Sometimes things are just not controllable Birth control is not infallible. Some infertility is not fixable. Hyper fertility is not always fixable either. I do my best to control it, but all I need is one sperm. You know, they are really, really little. Kinda hard to find and catch sometimes. Slippery little buggers with only one thing on their mind. In over 20 years, I missed 8. I have a normal sex life…how many of those guys have I seen a week, a year, in the past twenty years? Eight out of 200 million kabillion is NOT a bad ratio.