I often give my opinion of open adoption and the resulting question from hopeful adoptive parents or adoptive parents is: What could your Amom have done to be better or make your adoption better for you? I really wish that people would take time to read, not only my blog, but as many adoptee blogs as possible, but often, people just want their question answered as quickly as possible. This…
What should I consider before agreeing to enter into an open adoption?
The following questions are by no means exhaustive. In fact these are just a few considerations that might lead to a deeper evaluation of both the practical and philosophical ideas of how the biological family, adoptive family and the adoptee may be impacted by an open adoption.
This is not a “pro-adoption” post. Open adoption is highlighted by many adoption agencies and used as a coercive tool. It is often shown in a manner that evokes imagery of play dates in the park without addressing the concerns that will eventually arise. This list of questions is intended move beyond a surface understanding and provide a deeper understanding of possible difficulties.
Open adoption costs Entering into adoption affects people in profound ways. I cannot speak to the birth mother’s experience or how the kept children may feel (though my siblings have shared some of their feelings with me). But as an adoptee, there were certain costs of adoption to me even in open adoption. Open adoption was supposed to “solve” some of the problems associated with closed adoption such as genetic…
I noticed most of the open adoption information is very general. Then I noticed the language that was being used – and it was manipulative. Lastly, I noticed how the information was being presented – and again, it was manipulative.
Adoption agencies want birthmothers and adoptive parents to see positive outcomes of open adoption. They do this is by highlighting open adoption success stories from “happy adoptees,” but are the stories honest?
Here is what this open adoption looks like to the child who was adopted: My biological family was willing to go to extremes to make sure I went to an adopted family. If all of this support was there, why didn’t my biological family simply support my biological mom so she could keep me?