A Birthmothers Life

Is Your Adoption Agency Ethical?

Adoption is particularly hard because it is never something we really learn about before we find it in our lives. I know I never dreamed that one day I would grow up, have a baby, give him to other parents to raise and not see him for 19 years. I believe that is true for many adoptive parents as well. Maybe you always felt that you would eventually adopt a child, maybe you were always intrigued, maybe you thought about it long and hard, or maybe suddenly, you just felt that you were thrust into it, maybe you entered it blindly; I don’t know, but I bet, looking back now, you would say that you had no idea what the experience of adoption a child would really be like. That you think now there was no way to have planned for it all. You could not have known



Why Adoption Kool-Aid Tastes so Good!

A Look at Birthmothers, Decision Making, and Denial It was close to 10 years ago, if not more the first time I was called out on being a birthmother in denial. Max was only 13 and years away from being found and I was new to the adoption community online. I was still saying things like “Adoption was the hardest decision, but the best choice for my baby I could…


Who Wants to Be a Birthmother?

What’s in a Word: Birthmother I was asked to write a piece about why mothers who relinquished children to adoption might be upset by the use of the word birthmother by Adoption Mosaic. 700 words on a topic I know quite well, so I said no problem. And then I struggled. About 16 revisions later, and with the deadline looming, I sent off what I THOUGHT was my final version…


Adoption: Broken Ornaments

Somewhere, in another state, another tree that I will never see, holds pieces of my family’s heritage. I imagine that nursery schools in Massachusetts also help young student create gifts for parents out of glitter and handprints, popsicles sticks and finger paints. I can only imagine the proud joy of my 4 year old son placing his tissue wrapped creation under the tree. It might have said “mom” on the tag, but it was never meant for me.


When a Signature Changes Your Life: Relinquishment

I’m in the midst of it all: Adoption Trauma week or better known the Season of Max. So here it is; it’s November. The week from hell. Trying to remain “normal”, but feeling so very tightly strung up as if I could break or snap at any moment. Tired, impatient, restless, annoyed, teary, over excited, sad. Friday: Finish another long week, and promptly get into a stupid agreement with Rye…


A Good Birthmom

  How to Describe Life as BirthMother? I love it when someone else reaches inside and pulls out their heart to show us. This is a good read. Well done. This part: “…it was too hard for her to feel so much, and she has let go now. We know each other, but we pretend not to feel anything. She is there, but impenetrable.I have vowed to be different. To…


Adoption and Halloween

It’s no secret that I LOVE Halloween. We spend weeks decorating. Seriously, I used to control myself until October 1st, now it’s back to school and get out the Halloween boxes. I actually spin the spider webs on my porch like a spider would. It takes me hours. I don’t even think Martha Stewart does THAT! Ok, she does, but mine ARE SERIOUSLY way MORE BETTER!  I have more backlights than…


Finding Normal; Visits with Adopted Siblings

Maybe it just had to be like this. No advanced planning, no time to think, no opportunity to worry, wonder of second guess; just a chance to hit the road and once again, begin the journey back to Boston, back to my son. Could it be that I was actually going to Boston for a work function and my son, relinquished, searched for, found, and now four years into reunion, was meting us to watch the kids for me? A child care crisis gives adoption reunion a new name: NORMALITY

That it was the day before Mother’s Day and officially, urg, Birthmother’s Day made it only the more sweet.


Screw Birthmother’s Day! I am Officially Rebeling!

Like most mothers who have relinquished, even with having three more children, Mother’s Day can be very bittersweet. No matter how loved or celebrate by those in life, Mothers Day is a reminder for what is not. It serves as a reminder for the years lost. For years of handmade presents that went to another mother who took your place. Of course, I don’t find that having a separate segregated holiday makes that any better.There is no peace for a birthmother on Mother’s Day. Did I say screw Birthmother’s Day yet?


Adoption Commentary Craw Exposed

AKA How to Piss Off a Claud I haven’t felt the need to do this in a while. Usually, I don’t let other people’s comments get under my craw. After all, I have been online talking about adoption issues for ten years now and I had a rather thick skin to begin with. Rather than beat a person over the head with my beliefs, I would rather calmly state the…


Related by Birth: An Adoption Documentary

Last year, I was contacted to be interviewed for a documentary about birthmothers. It’s always hard to completely go back there and even with the emotional support provide, it’s not pleasant. Yet, sometimes you have to take the chance and do the hard stuff. I figure, no one will hear us if we sit in the shadows. Needless, to say, I went. Documenting the Adoption Story It was, as always,…


Talking to Myself

I couldn’t sleep last night. We had spent the whole day in the mountains of the Shawangunks Mountains, hiking with the kids, and then they elected to stay over Grandma’s so Rye and I had a sudden night free. So we meandered back through town, stopping along the way; over the High Falls Cafe where I was thrilled to see my former apartment dweller neighbor Becky, then through town where…


Mothers Finally Teaching the Professionals in Adoption

I don’t know why I haven’t written about this before. I guess things have just been crazy busy this year and until now, it just has not been on my radar. An Academic Adoption Conference in NY Anyway back in the end of March I ran across a link to Sixth Biennial Adoption Conference – Open Arms, Open Minds: The Ethics of Adoption in the 21st Century. Being that it…


BlogHer ’10 Recap: What I Learned

About Myself, About Judgment, About Adoption, About the World. As I said a lot this past weekend at BlogHer ’10 in New York City, I wore a lot of hats. Part of me went to BlogHer as the Dragon Search Social Media Queen and I have a “Marketer’s View of BlogHer” over at the work blog, but part of me went to BlogHer as “Claudia the Adoption Blogger from Grown…