Alas, it seems I am worthy of medical care. Armed with the shiny plastic insurance card, I am treated like someone worth fixing and so… My surgery to fix my broken arm has been set for August 18th. I’m trying to remain calm and matter of fact about it, but I can tell you that I am not looking forward to it one bit. The surgeon, while very nice, made…
Honestly, really. I think I should get paid off for relinquishing Max to adoption. The happy fuzzy feelings from relinquishment and my adoption counseling has worn off. It’s been gone for years now. Instead, I think maybe getting at least some cash for the years of pain and suffering won’t do any good in getting back what I lost, but nothing ever will. At least, I could get some new…
Back to “normal” life, but nothing would ever be the same normal again. That was always the bit of irony about adoption. You went through this experience, this incredible perceived “sacrifice” and certainly a heartache for the ultimate plan to not have your life changed, but no one tells you how unavoidable that is. You can’t have a baby and place it for adoption with the experience changing your very…
This is hard. I hate it, but I’m coming clean. I hate that I am feel seen as some kind of super strong birthmother because I am suppose to be immune to this sort of thing in my head. Guess what..I’m human. I’m not perfect. In fact, I am probably just as messed up as everyone of us. I just hide it well. Periodically, people ask me how my reunion…
This story begins here:” How to Begin a BirthMother: Chapter 1“ As an unmet, joyful and excited couple marveled and cooed over my precious baby, now theirs.. I was then packing all my meager belongings, waiting for my mother, sad goodbyes, uncomfortable silence, more feelings of shame. As they fussed over the first diapers changed, and made happy phone calls, I was on the cold drive back..5 hours due to…
Sometimes adoption just confuses me. Not in the regular old sense like “how does all this corruption continue and why won’t so many people bother to see the so logical truth” or “how exploitive and sleazy will agencies have to get before moms see through their tricks?”, but in the tradition of the Talking Heads: Well how did I get here? The fact remains that the relinquishment of my son…
Maybe it was because I spent almost two hours on last Tuesday evening talking to a reporter about how my seemingly very progressive agency was using acceptable, but subtly coercive tactics to point me only relinquishment, and it weakened my inner stone wall. Maybe it is because it’s almost Mother’s Day as well and between having lost my own mother many years ago, plus being a mother who lost one…
This story begins here:” How to Begin a BirthMother: Chapter 1 We did keep on seeing each other. In fact, most of the trysts and dates and sex, happened after I was with child. Every time I would tell myself that I just had to tell him and I never could though it stuck on the tip of my tongue like a bad sore. Now I am a small person…
This story begins here:” How to Begin a BirthMother: Chapter 1 I returned home from New York City, hastily packed, defeated, depressed, and full of fear. Back to my room, back to the life of which I so wanted to get away from and this time without any dreams of escape. My physical load much lighter, but my heart filed with failure and regrets, now fearful and more doubtful of…
This story begin’s here:” How to Begin a BirthMother: Chapter 1“ My parents probably should never have married. I think that they were not well matched at all. Married at 23, I think my mom did it to escape her own parent’s house. She never did get very far, always living within a few miles of her own parents house, but she at least, had her own home to rule….
This will not make sense unless you begin here: Becoming a Birthmother Chapter1 Now I had a great secret in my life. It was beyond exciting. Ah, yes…I had him. The real games began. The pattern of our affair began to emerge. By day, I was the ever eager little worker bee. Now, even more desperate, to please my mighty employer. Working late took on new meaning. I would manage…
A few weeks ago, my dear friend Lena hit me up on Facebook with a question: “I was going through some stuff and found some old letters you wrote while you were in Boston. Would you like to have them?” Of course, the answer was yes, because as much as I lived through being 19, pregnant, away from home, alone and about to have my first child and relinquish him for…
Judgement. Choices. Lack of True Choice. Variations of this theme have been running through my head for a long time. To some the birth mother is a saintly figure. Wise. Sacrificing. Selfless. A builder of Families. A deliverer of dreams come true. Adoptive families want to thank her. Poor girl, she is just in a sad situation, but through her wisdom she can make the best of the situation and…
I recommend reading “How to become a Birthmother Chapter 1” first **** There was a second lunch. It rode on the innocent coat tails of the first. You know, “That was nice. Let’s do it again” I am a sucker for great food. Growing up, my Uncle Mike would think nothing of spending eighty or ninety dollars at the specialty Italian deli on imported prosciutto and buffalo mozzarella that we…
Some people have read this already, some have not. It’s the whole damn thing.. how I came to be a birthmother. How I ended up in that place where I was open to adopiton to save me from this situration I got myself in. This is the story of getting myself in it. Oddly enough, 22 years ago today….just occuring to me now….so this is me… 22 years and about…