A Birthmothers Life

Inner Momma Bears Roar

Before Making an Adoption Plan, Birthmother Regrets & Lessons March 4, 2006

Momma Bears Unhinged and Non-thinking Pitfalls

How else can a mother be able to walk away from her child except that she feels that it is the best and only thing for her baby’s well being? Where else does she get that strength except from her internal momma bear? And what if that momma bear has been given the wrong messages? What is it is based on crazed idealistic fantasies and stupid lists based on doubt? What if she could harness all that internal strength needed to fight the grief and instead use it to fight all the reasoning behind a possible loss? What if she stopped trying to be the “best birthmother” but tried to be the best mother? What if adoption reasoning and lists and generic feel good thoughts of grateful and happy adoptive parents didn’t get in the way of natures supreme processes?

A Birthmothers Life, Rants and Raves March 3, 2006

Irony? Perhaps..

I spend my days hunting for women who are considering adoption and do my damnest to talk them out of it. Usually. Sometimes, I just don’t feel like I can click with them..and I say just a bit and bow out rather then leave them thinking I am some insane fanatic. OK, I am a bit of in insane fanatic, but not militantly insane. But really, either they are going…

Birthmother Regrets & Lessons February 15, 2006

Epithany

In the course of being “active” with adoption online, I frequently come in contact with pregnant women who are thinking about placing. OK, I’ll admit it..I ( used to ) seek them out and look for them. I do feel the responsibility to give them insights to the big picture, long term ramifications, all the stuff that would really fall under “informed consent” but that we can trust the agencies…

A Birthmothers Life February 13, 2006

I hate conflicts!

I am really annoyed with my mother in law. It has been kinda building up for a few months. I don’t hold a grudge, but tend to try to overlook things that bother me often, for the sake of peace. But I am at that enough is enough point. She was watching the beasts for me Saturday night while both Rye and I worked. Nprmally, I don’t work on Saturdays,…

Adoption Koolaide & Birthmother Denial, Rants and Raves February 11, 2006

Thoughts on Anger & Double Standards

Funny how sometimes I don’t see how much all this thinking about stuff has really changed me..and then I do see it..and it is rather amazing. Why Are People So Afraid of Anger? I work with a young woman who has had a pretty rough road in life. I find her amazing and the word strong is definitely applicable. Her parents and her childhood are way less than perfect. That’s her…

when the thought of your adopted child finding you freaks you out.

A Birthmothers Life, Bad Adoption Practices February 9, 2006

We’ll call this the first installment of “Fables”

I gave Mauela big fat gold stars yesterday for taking on this post. Which brings me to here and then the need to continue with not true, but true horror stories of adoptions that should not be. Because it was said so well I want to quote her devineness here: “It is unacceptable to me that this type of unseemly adoption takes place at ALL. Although this is an exaggerated…

My demons of loss attack at night.

Adoption, Birthmother Grief, Birthmother Regrets & Lessons February 5, 2006

Shattered and Broken Hard

I would love to see a real deep physiological study done on the growing up, formative years of women who “choose” to become mothers of loss. My guess is that we were not loved unconditionally by mothers with issues who tended to be narcissistic I think our fathers might be either absent or didn’t stand up to our mothers rule. And maybe that could also be reversed too? I wonder if we ever felt worthy of anything, so how could we be worthy of our children?
It’s a hard battle to feel I am suppose to have anything I want and keep it. Sometimes I don’t feel I deserve it at all. And then, part of me screams how much I should have and I am entitled. But I still am afraid of the loss again.

A Birthmothers Life January 30, 2006

Some Random Babble about Mundane Things and my Son in a Pink Dress

So Scarlett’s birthday is tomorrow. I went out today..nothing like the last minute momma, and bought her a bicycle. I hadn’t really intended to buy her a bike, but it turns out it is a good thing. I was thinking a new play kitchen as we ditched the defunct Barbie kitchen to the front porch where maybe some Sunday someone besides me might actually bring ot out to the curb,…

A Birthmothers Life January 27, 2006

Mother of Loss meets Loss of Mother

She cleaned a mean house and laundry got done on schedule. And oh, could that woman shop!!! Shopping with my mother was a religious experience. Macy’s with my Mom on their “One Day Sales”…we would run to the register laden with bargains. The cashier’s worst nightmare.

Adoption affects lives just like the ripples in a pond from a stone thrown affects the shores

Adoption Koolaide & Birthmother Denial, Birthmother Regrets & Lessons January 24, 2006

The Long Term Ripples in Adoption

Sometimes, it comes with the birth of a second child that makes us realize what motherhood means, what was truly lost, what is gone forever.
Sometimes, it just comes with maturity. We become less self absorbed and see what we decided does not just effect us, does not just “build a family” that makes us feel good, but that the loss continues to grow and effect others in our lives in ways we could not see.
I tell the pregnant and considering adoption to look beyond the immediate. Not just at NOW, but at later.

A Birthmothers Life January 18, 2006

Lighter Fare or How to NOT Piss Off a Food Server

And while I am at it..you tea drinkers. We just hate you. All of us. Every waiter and waitress all over. Tea sucks. The NY Times said it. They did a survey. Tea is the biggest pain in the ass ever. I have to put the loose tea in the tea bag, temper your pot, heat your cup, guess if you want honey or lemon or milk or sugar…