Adoption

Birthmother, Good Mother: Her Story of Heroic Redemption

The Family Research Council claims to have conducted MORE research for the Birthmother, Good Mother: Her Story of Heroic Redemption, but after reading the two of them entirely, I believe that this new publication is still coming off of the original study. Both reports use the same copy for the methodology and both have the same research group, with the same number of participants in the same age ranges. I see Birthmother, Good Mother: Her Story of Heroic Redemption as a modified piece that demonstrates the actual twisting of the mind of a women experiencing an unplanned pregnancy. It’s really like a “How to Create an Kool-Aide Drinking Happy Birthmother” guide. It’s really rather frightening. I’m not sure whether women are really that easily manipulative or we are just really stupid for falling for this. Or maybe it’s just all internal and they have managed to tap into it. All I can tell you is that this feels like reading the inside of my brain during the whole adoption process.



When a Signature Changes Your Life: Relinquishment

I’m in the midst of it all: Adoption Trauma week or better known the Season of Max. So here it is; it’s November. The week from hell. Trying to remain “normal”, but feeling so very tightly strung up as if I could break or snap at any moment. Tired, impatient, restless, annoyed, teary, over excited, sad. Friday: Finish another long week, and promptly get into a stupid agreement with Rye…


Finding Normal; Visits with Adopted Siblings

Maybe it just had to be like this. No advanced planning, no time to think, no opportunity to worry, wonder of second guess; just a chance to hit the road and once again, begin the journey back to Boston, back to my son. Could it be that I was actually going to Boston for a work function and my son, relinquished, searched for, found, and now four years into reunion, was meting us to watch the kids for me? A child care crisis gives adoption reunion a new name: NORMALITY

That it was the day before Mother’s Day and officially, urg, Birthmother’s Day made it only the more sweet.


Screw Birthmother’s Day! I am Officially Rebeling!

Like most mothers who have relinquished, even with having three more children, Mother’s Day can be very bittersweet. No matter how loved or celebrate by those in life, Mothers Day is a reminder for what is not. It serves as a reminder for the years lost. For years of handmade presents that went to another mother who took your place. Of course, I don’t find that having a separate segregated holiday makes that any better.There is no peace for a birthmother on Mother’s Day. Did I say screw Birthmother’s Day yet?


Oprah Winfrey Joins the Adoption Community

Dear Oprah,
Welcome to the Adoption Community! I know you didn’t plan on being one of us, but I have seen that often adoption sneaks up on people. I don’t think many of us actually plan on being part of this group. SO after you find out there was family you didn’t know you had, then there is a bigger all inclusive family that you never knew you had in the adoption community. We understand.


Eleventh Annual Christmas Eve Candle Lighting

I wanted to share this.. As the world lights candles in preparation to celebrate the birth of a child who changed the course of history on Christmas Eve, New England Firstmothers and over 500 members of the Sunflower Sisters will celebrate Christmas Eve by lighting a candle in memory of births which changed their own personal histories. This year will mark the 11th Annual Christmas Eve Candle Lighting for these…


Birthmother, Good Mother

“In choosing adoption they can now see themselves as good mothers, the highest form of motherhood – the mother who chooses what is best for her child regardless of sacrifice it requires of her. In doing what is best for her child, she fulfills her need to see herself as a good mother and accept the pain of relinquishment. In this way, she transforms agony of the entire story into a redemptive experience where she becomes a heroine in her own eyes and in the eyes of others.”



All Things Adoption

All Things Adoption; Relinquishment, Search, Reunions, Books, News and Information

Lots of people know adoption stories, but they don’t know how to search for an adopted child or birth birthmother, or the rules of a good reunion, or what to watch out for when making and adoption plan. I have tried to provide as much information as possible broken down into categories so you can hopefully find the information you need, when you need it. There is a lot of information to be found here. Categories and sub-category are broken up by issues and can be found in main menu headings.


The Tragedy of Adoption Relinquishment

Adoption relinquishment is a permanent solution to a temporary problem.

Your Baby Needs YOU, Not Perfection

Your child will be born knowing your voice, your smell and needing YOU; his or her mother. Mother child bonding happens pre-birth and sets up a model for the rest of the child’s life. Children do not care, especially at young ages, about brand name clothing, special diapers, or fancy toys. They want their mothers.

Separating of a mother and child is painful to babies, even newborns. They might not have the ability to verbalize their pain, but  it can cause damage.  Some adoptees suffer what is called the Primal Wound. Many adopted children are colicky. Others adapt by being complete “content” which means they are in a survival mode. Adopted children are over represented in both the mental health field and the prison system. Many suffer from trust issues their entire lives. No matter what happy adoption story they are told, some will feel abandoned and rejected by you.

Chances are, your child will be denied their civil rights to access their original identity.

Adoption is Not The Answer to an Unplanned Pregnancy


All is Right in My Adoptionland

After living years without knowing if your child lives or dies, much less what their name is who they look like and anything else, reunion is so often seen as the great holy grail that removes all the former yucky stuff and makes it into a thing of the past. Live it long enough, however, and we learn that adoption can never really be in the past and it’s so the “gift” that keeps on giving. More new situations arise. New emotions develop. Still no road map and I doubt anyone is immune.


An Open Letter to My Womb

Warning: Serious TMI Talk of Girly Bits Ahead Dear Uterus and Ovarian Pals, I know we haven’t always had the easiest of relationships though it hasn’t been that bad really. I mean, in many ways you have been great to me. I have heard and seen so many of my sisters in womanhood suffer mightily from cramps and bloating and other womanly issues, and for the most part, you guys…


Acknowledgement, Validation, Apologies, and Parenting

I have learned so much from being a parent. I have learned so much from being thrust into the reality of adoption. I have learned so much form my journey online. I have learned so much from the pain of life. My head has been spinning lately and my heart feels heavy. I haven’t been writing because I have been thinking too fast. Life keeps coming and I can’t find…


My Adopt-a-tude: More on Find My Family

I was asked to write Adopt-a-tude’s second post in a series about the ABC reality show Find My Family. I most happily agreed. So, yes.. another post on how I feel about ABC’s Find My Family, just in case I have not been clear about it!