Annual Birthmother / Adopted Child Birthday Blues Today is the last day of the “Max’s Birthday Week..let me live in the past..thank you”. Unfortunately, it is now piggybacking on real PMS and, as always, Thanksgiving blues. Coupled with Holiday Blues Thanksgiving always makes me miss my own mother really, really bad. It is not uncommon for me to be cooking the brussel sprouts or stuffing from her handwritten recipe book…
A Case of Birthmother Blues Sitting here now.. feeling all nasty. I din’t know why. Feeling on edge.. like something is about to happen..got so much to do, but not really… should be doing more, but what? Rye is after me to find some job that I can do one handed… I want to laugh.. every thing I find that is work from home sounds like a pyramid scheme and…
I am at work tonight. We had over a hundred people on the books and the hit was very early for some odd reason, so we were all keyed up to move fast and make it happen. My night starts out great. My first table is this couple that I use to wait on years ago at the old “Clove Valley Trading Post” and I am thrilled to see them….
Bare with me becasue I think I am still trying to fiqure this out. After I wrote out last nights post, I was still thinking a bit about it all. Especially that conflicted feeling that I have…the thrill that Max and I do have this connection, yet coupled with the sadness that even for three seconds he felt out of place in his life. Now I have had internet “discussions”…
Motive for death of US troops…democracy?? NO..Oil money.
Motive for the needless separation of mothers and children..save the children? No..profit from the transfer of parental rights.
Media coverage for both outrage? The war wins…though barely. Who wants to hear that depressing bit anyway? Not when we can read about Hollywood starlets behaving badly..much more amusing.
I want you to imagine, really, being Judy Bennett. I want you to think about if Stephanie Bennett was YOUR child, if Evelyn Bennett was YOUR granddaughter, and you were just an “Obstacle”. I want you to think about what you would do if you had this agency in front of you and keeping your grandchild from you. What if no one cared? What would you do for help?
The fact is..there are ENOUGH moms who relinquished who are saying…hey, it didn’t work like that. And enough adoptees say the same thing. Human nature is different than the plan and the beliefs. They were built on faulty principles Not your fault, not mine..lets blame the adoption industry. They have known for some time, they have had the information at hand, and still they kept throwing this pipe dream at us all and selling us all down a river.
Even with all that you see here, all that I DID sign, all that I was told, I still felt that I had no choice. I did this because it was the only thing I could do. And I signed all, I agreed to all, I waived all because I was trying to be the best dern birthmother the agency had ever had. I wanted them to be so proud of me. I wanted acceptance and I knew that by being “strong”, by being determined, I would make them happy. I would prove my worth.
If you can recall when you called me on the phone at my home on my son, Max’s, 18th birthday, I inquired as the location and availability of the relinquishment forms and my records. As I had previously stated, I never did receive a copy of anything I signed at the time and did now desire to have a copy of my legal records.
I wrote this for Marsha. I like Marsha. She’s a mod over at SoA, an interfamily adoptee heself (sent her ribbons for her and her mom), has a daughter from China and is waiting for her older son from there too. She gets it and I find myself agreeing with things she says. She is into educating other China AP’s about China moms being real and having feelings like us…
It’s not at all like Madonna’s adoption story. They aren’t talking about this on Oprah, or every news media outlet, but even with just a small almost silent plop in the pond, “Birth Mother Entitled to Visitation with Child Given Up for Adoption” Posted on November 21, 2006 by Daniel Clement has the ability to sure make some waves. It’s not going to hit the big media. Don’t look for…
Headline: Twelve out of Twelve Scientific Studies find that Relinquishing a Child to Adoption is Harmful to your Health! In the summer of 1999, two certified nurse midwifes published a piece in The Journal of Obstetric, Gynecologic and Neonatal Nursing. They took the twelve existing studies on relinquishing mothers from 1978 to date of publication and grouped the data and compared. Their final conclusion? “The relinquishing mother is at risk…
…will never leave me, I fear. I just closed the back cover. It was a tremdous read. I was obsessed. I took it to work. I read it on the playground. I read it in Freindlies while the kids ate dinner. And though it all, in public, it would rock me so hard emotionally so that I became so choked up inside and tears streamed down my cheeks. It is…
The subtle coercion in adoption counseling often does not seem real. “Coercion” is such a harsh word. Adoption is seen as a decision, a wise choice; made by selfless mothers, for the good of others, for the betterment of her child. We give up our babies for adoption. In adoption counseling, we work on making our adoption plans. Adoption agencies do not truly violently rip children out of wailing mother’s…
Yes, I “decided” to lose my child. Yes, I was “very sure”. Yes, technically, I had ‘other options’, but in my heart, in my head..there was no other option just this thing that I must do for us both. I believed what I was told. I wanted to believe it since at least believing it gave me some hope. Of abortion, of parenting..both were dark and cold as seen by me. My views were skewed. Our lives at stake. And I was in no position to make this life long decision. Yes, I needed to be protected from myself.