Reunions & Support

Searching For Birthmothers on Huffington Post Live & AOL

I had NO IDEA that was going to happen, but it did. Ok, more exposure, right. Good for the cause and education of the masses. I ignore the stupid comments. I ignore the stupid comments. I ignore the stupid comments. Yes, that s a mantra for me, but please feel free to educated the masses. I guess they had the headlines messed up as well and I was supposed to be divorced three times?

Here’s some doozies:

“Cute, real Cute.. This is a Prime Example they have BIRTH CONTROL Girls Like her Should NOT have Children in the 1st place! That is what she should be


Thinking About Adoption Affects on the “Kept” Child

When I relinquished Max, it was suppose to be something that affected ME. The pain and loss was to be mine to bear as Max would be “better off”, his father unaware, my brother and extended family equally as clueless and my mother, well she didn’t matter.. at least I was not give pause to consider how nay one else felt. Like so many things in adoption, the professionals were wrong. Like we say, the “gift of adoption” just keep on giving and giving.. the pain has a huge ripple effect that touches every aspect of a woman’s lives including ALL our children


Secondary Adoptee Rejection in Adoption Reunions

No one is trying to find their birthmothers to throw stones or cast blame, yet on that emotional level we have to acknowledge that the adoptee can feel rejected by the act of adoption placement whether voluntary or forced. It doesn’t matter how they can now, as adult, intellectualize the circumstances of their relinquishment, the child inside still knows the pain and that child wants it’s mother. There is an innocence there in this need to reconnect. It is pure feeling.


The Risk of Genetic Sexual Attraction for Adoptees and Birth Parents in Reunions

“Parent and child go through a very complex bonding process from the beginning of life to the first six years,” she said. “They go through phases and in the teen years, they separate. That whole process goes dormant until they reunite as adults. It’s almost like it awakens back the recognition in that the other person is a mirror of yourself.” DeNeen said she felt like she was regressing back to childhood, falling in love and looking to her dad as a hero. “I felt a lot of need for intimacy,” she said. “The lines were so blurry.” But she makes it clear that she never had sexual intercourse with her father, even though the relationship was “very inappropriate.” And like others who experience GSA, she crossed physical boundaries that were “embarrassing, confusing, amazing and overwhelming,”


Ongoing Adoption Reunions

This article describes the expectations, responses to unmet expectations, and factors that influence adoption reunion outcomes. Themes derived for interviews with 10 adult adoptees and 10 birth mothers who had each experienced an adoption reunion beyond an initial face-to-face meeting are reported.


An Adoptee Asks Reunion Question

I can tell you that many moms are just so worried about saying the wrong things that we are still afraid to open up and be real… the internal censor is on big time because we do not know what to do and are SO afraid of being sent away emotionally. Maybe this isn’t the case with her since you say she really reacts intensely, but that openness and honestly is a hard place to get to. I think it hard to trust the new relationship as permanent and get to that place.


Protecting the Privacy of Birthmothers

ess than 1% of Birthmothers in the US desire to keep their adult children at arm’s length. So out of the 6 to 8 million adult adoptees in the United States, we can assume that there are say 6 million birthmothers and .993471% want to be left alone. That comes to 39,174 birthmothers. So because of 40 thousand mothers another 6 to 8 million people and their children and their children’s children get denied medical histories, get denied their identity, get denied their truth.. for the good of 40,000?



Finding Normal; Visits with Adopted Siblings

Maybe it just had to be like this. No advanced planning, no time to think, no opportunity to worry, wonder of second guess; just a chance to hit the road and once again, begin the journey back to Boston, back to my son. Could it be that I was actually going to Boston for a work function and my son, relinquished, searched for, found, and now four years into reunion, was meting us to watch the kids for me? A child care crisis gives adoption reunion a new name: NORMALITY

That it was the day before Mother’s Day and officially, urg, Birthmother’s Day made it only the more sweet.


Screw Birthmother’s Day! I am Officially Rebeling!

Like most mothers who have relinquished, even with having three more children, Mother’s Day can be very bittersweet. No matter how loved or celebrate by those in life, Mothers Day is a reminder for what is not. It serves as a reminder for the years lost. For years of handmade presents that went to another mother who took your place. Of course, I don’t find that having a separate segregated holiday makes that any better.There is no peace for a birthmother on Mother’s Day. Did I say screw Birthmother’s Day yet?


Oprah Winfrey Joins the Adoption Community

Dear Oprah,
Welcome to the Adoption Community! I know you didn’t plan on being one of us, but I have seen that often adoption sneaks up on people. I don’t think many of us actually plan on being part of this group. SO after you find out there was family you didn’t know you had, then there is a bigger all inclusive family that you never knew you had in the adoption community. We understand.



All is Right in My Adoptionland

After living years without knowing if your child lives or dies, much less what their name is who they look like and anything else, reunion is so often seen as the great holy grail that removes all the former yucky stuff and makes it into a thing of the past. Live it long enough, however, and we learn that adoption can never really be in the past and it’s so the “gift” that keeps on giving. More new situations arise. New emotions develop. Still no road map and I doubt anyone is immune.


My Adopt-a-tude: More on Find My Family

I was asked to write Adopt-a-tude’s second post in a series about the ABC reality show Find My Family. I most happily agreed. So, yes.. another post on how I feel about ABC’s Find My Family, just in case I have not been clear about it!


A Birthmother’s Perspective of ABC’s Find My Family

I made a point to watch ABC’s Find My Family tonight I normally avoid adoption related shows because I don’t do well with them in general. I yell at the TV and get all worked up. I know it makes Rye nervous. Birthmothers and Adoption TV=Not Fun As a birthmother, I find it is like walking through a land mine; carefully place the my foot down on the next step,…