I just cannot imagine what it will feel like to see my son again. I cannot begin to pretend to know how I shall react, if I cry, if I am calm, if I am just a loon…I just can’t imagine. I don’t feel prepared at all, yet, it is time I know for this chapter in adoption to close. There is not much I think that we could have done to be more “ready” for an face to face adoption reunion.
did not fall far from this tree…. Adoring Mohawks is a genetic trait..who’da thunk?
I think I am kind of lost right now. I just feel…removed somehow. Maybe it is a seasonal thing? I was off the the boards, off adoption, alot last summer, but I chalked that up to Garin’s impeding surgery..but again, I feel it now. I have a sense of bordom, of restlessness. Stalemate. Come to think of it, that’s probably a direct reflection on my relationship with Max. Yes, dear…
And hello you. Yes, summer is upon us, and for me at least, that means lots of money, lots of free time, and an ever-present nagging sensation to get out of the house. So an idea pop’s into mine head. I want to come visit. It’s been a long enough wait for me, so I’m sure it’s been a long enough wait for you. So… yeah. When’s a good time?…
Disgusted said… I have read your blog with a mix of anger and interest. I find it boggling that you would be at peace with your decision to place your child for better than fourteen years until someone online changed your mind. Well then you have not read too well. It was not SOMEONE online, but a completely different viewpoint and new understanding and facts about adoption that I had…
don’t you just want to TOUCH him???? i don’t know how you contain yourself. My dear IRL friend KT ( Hi!!!) wrote this to me in a meassge. Regarding Max, of course. And the anwser is a wholehearted YES!!!! Truthfully, I am dying to. I don’t know how I contain myself either. It will be two years in July that I have known where he is. Oh to resist the…
Better than certain electronic things that are suppose to notify you! I was looking back in my certain mailbox…updating another space where I do keep all my correspondace from Max in one place and share. Surprise..I had totally missed a message from him! It was about his pirate bandaides package, but also mentioned THE LETTER… “Oh, and Momma and Poppa G got your letter. Yeah… I forgot a very important…
I have been stretched thin lately, so tonight..after working and going to an grand opening to a friend’s new tatoo shop, I wanted to hit the blogs. SoA has eating up my internet time, as has been working on the Origins Websight. I get to Suz’s and I am just stopped dead in my tracks. SLAM…she hits home, straight into my heart and mind with THIS for mother’s day. I…
…will never leave me, I fear. I just closed the back cover. It was a tremdous read. I was obsessed. I took it to work. I read it on the playground. I read it in Freindlies while the kids ate dinner. And though it all, in public, it would rock me so hard emotionally so that I became so choked up inside and tears streamed down my cheeks. It is…
and wait some more. I KNOW they have had to recieve the letter by now. I sent it Monday. It is Saturday. The postal service is not that bad. I keep on checking my bulk mail box and deleated any crap as I don’t want them to be lost in it. I keep checking my reglular mailbox too. I keep yelling myself that they will needs time to digest, process,…
One of Max’s bands is playing a show this weekend. I got the invite, though I have to wonder if it didn’t just go out to everyone. I mentioned it to Garin who is very sure of the fact that HE WANTS TO GO. Or, rather, he says “we are going”. Never mind that I am slated to work, never mind that I would have to send the other two…
Long and hard about what is most important for them to know and understand about the adoption of Max. So I came up with this: The need to know that I see it as a huge mistake. That we don’t just, with ease. walk away from our kids. That I cannot just walk away from them. Big, big deal for me The reasoning behind it. Yeah, maybe they won’t get…
Once there was a girl who was not quite a grown up yet. She came to realize that she had a baby growing in her belly. And that made her very scared. So she kept it a secret for a long time. She was afraid of what would happen when she had the baby and she became a mommy. She wasn’t sure that she knew how to be a mommy…
So, one of the things that I need to do before Max actually gets here for his first visit is tell Scarlett and Tristan. I haven;t told them before..well, because it seems cruel in a way. Right now they don’t know they have a bigger than Garin, older brother..so they do not know they have a loss. They cannot miss what they don’t know they have. Plus even though I…
Since he would be 18, he could open up his records..if he desired. And if he did that, then he could “find” me and we could be “official” and then completely manage to avoid telling his folks that this has now been happening already for almost 7 months. Really, at this point all I wanted to do was avoid getting them upset and get him out form the burden of secrets.