Disgusted said…
I have read your blog with a mix of anger and interest.
I find it boggling that you would be at peace with your decision to place your child for better than fourteen years until someone online changed your mind. Well then you have not read too well.
It was not SOMEONE online, but a completely different viewpoint and new understanding and facts about adoption that I had no previous access to. It is called growth and change. The ability of the human mind to take in new information and process it, thus forming new thoughts. It is outlined as a process that took quite some time and that I did resist. Just a small part…thinking for 14 years that adoption was best..because it could be on NO harm to Max..and then finding out different information that does not make that belief cut in stone.
I find it disconcerting that upon having your mind changed that you decided it was acceptable to also change the minds of the parents who raised your child by inserting yourself into their life after so many years.
After I re-looked at adoption and most specifically at my own situation….what I found disconcerting was that unless I did do something that I might very well have to wait for another 18 years until Max was deemed ready. Sorry that I do not have the right according to you to decide what is acceptable and not acceptable in my life. I did not expect to change anyone’s minds, I asked for an opportunity. An opportunity that was not available to me before being from before the open adoption age. Based on information that truth and knowledge was better, that a younger reunion was less upsetting and that having the information about me as he reached adulthood was better for my son, I did what a mother does…what she feels is best for her child.
I find it nothing short of gross that upon being told that now wouldn’t be a good time for you to suddenly re-appear in their collective lives, for your very own selfish and self-centered reasons of absolution and begging forgiveness, that you would disregard what Max’s own parents said and choose, through someone else’s child online, to seek him out anyway.
I don’t know where you get this “someone else’s child” stuff you are fixated on?? And I was told that he was not interested. Their decision was given to me based on what he was precieved on wanting or not wanting. Absolution and begging forgiveness?? Tell me, when does that appear in this blog?? Selfish..yes..at the moment when I made the choice to contact Max directly, when he was right there, in front of me, yes, I was selfish. And if for that, I will burn in hell then I will do so most happily. Completely selfish would have been immediately getting in my car and driving to their lives when I first found them back in 7/04. Not attempting to go though the proper channels, not waiting as long as I did…not carefully weighing out options and moves, with the examination for all parties. I did the best that I could. I am not perfect. I am human. I was selfless for 17.5years…the damn broke.
If giving up the titles of, ”noble and selfless” that were such burdens was your goal, I think you are more than accomplished. You found it to be of such interest that another teenager who knew your son was aware that he was adopted. And to that I can only say that most children who grow up with the same kids from kindergarten to graduation are aware from about first grade forward who is adopted because the parents of the adopted children are open with them.
Thank you..I like to achieve my goals. Again, the fixation on a rather small detail?? No what I found most interesting was that a person to whom I was following a definitive protocol…IE keeping within the acceptable boundaries of the mode of communication I was on..was able to correctly guess my identity very quickly. I found it concerning as I was trying still very much to “not break the rules”..and was afraid of it blowing up in an unpleasant way for my child.
Using that small bit of information to continue to seek out and then contact Max is nothing short of a violation. It screams that your feelings, first and foremost, are important. More so than his, or his parents and because their wishes didn’t line up with your own you felt free to disregard them.
Searching for ones children is NOT a violation. IF he had wishes that were even slightly considered, then the whole situation would have been a different story. His wishes were not even given due course, but were assumed by BOTH sides. To me the violation was NOT even giving him the opportunity as almost an adult, to make the decision on his own with full knowledge. Yes, that I found to be wrong and I went against. In that was I in direct conflict with his parents..yes. But I was also CORRECT in my belief. He was interested, and pleased. I allowed his feelings to be taken into account because I gave him the ability to know he even had any choice.
It’s disturbing, at best, that you are a classic case of why people interested in adoption fear ”open adoption” with a passion and wish to have all records sealed, permanently. Changing your mind and your feelings about the parameters of the adoption doesn’t give you the right to intrude on another family. Nor does it give you the right to whine that his parents haven’t replied to you in a, ”timely manner” when you have shown, repeatedly, that what they say or feel carries no weight.
Whatever..people will fear an open adoption based on whatever they feel the need for. They don’t need me to be a foundation of their petty fears and insecurities for which they flee open situations. They have enough rationalizations on their own. Clearly, you feel that a mother has no right to any feelings about her own child. Now I don’t have the right to “whine”…how about wonder and worry?? How about hope that his parents can see past our personal idealistic conflicts and do what is best for our child?
You changed your mind therefore everyone must play along seems to be the tune you whistle and I will say again, you are the last person I would want advocating for or against adoption of any sort because you have no regard for anyone’s feelings but your own, no matter how much lip-service you pay to ”all sides of the coin”. Because you may be able to talk the talk but you walked a completely different walk in your own life and that makes you not only a horrible advocate but the worst kind of selfish hypocrite.
Yes, of course..I SHOULD have continued to be the docile rule follower…just sat and waited for nothing to happen. Because so many people really were looking out for me at the time of the adoption and now afterwards..I was safe and covered. How dare I advocate for myself when clearly their was no need..as I have no rights anyway.
Well you have me advocating because..OMG..I get to make my own choices! GO due your own thing is you are so against me and I will see you on Capitol Hill!
10:57 PM
Disgusted said…
I never said contacting Max’s parents was a violation; I said, clearly, that contacting them and deciding to disregard their feelings and judgement was selfish.
Yes you dd: “Using that small bit of information to continue to seek out and then contact Max is nothing short of a violation.”
As has been stated, ad nauseum, Max was only months from not being considered a minor. After so many years, what difference would a few months have made, other than giving Claud the opportunity to ignore the feelings, that she asked for, of his parents?
And do you honestly think that their feelings about me would have been any different in 7 months?? You know..the most important thing on my mind was NOT their feelings…it was HIS feelings. What they wanted was secondary..Do you think it mattered to HIM about exactly when? I know it did not.
And while you’re correct that contacting a family member isn’t, in itself, a violation but trolling the*****accounts of under-age children to accomplish her goals is both gross and unrelentingly selfish and self serving.
Ah yes, the grossness of knowing which school my son went to and looking at the friends lists of kids his age to see if he was also there. Something I did at most periodically.. IE he was there from Feb on and I found him in April. You know…IF he had had his town listed…then i would never have had to look into anyone elses lists….hmmm…so I should have just not looked. Yes, I see what this is about…I should have just waited…
Before anyone accuses me (again) of being against open adoption let me be clear in saying that I am absolutely in favor of it when that is what is agreed on at the time of placement. It sickens me that someone who calls themself an ”advocate” is in reality someone to whom rules are ”for other people” and the consideration of feelings other than her own is a foreign concept.
Assume some more. You know the very thing I work to change say, in open records is what you rail against. Adoption is based on antiquated views. So Max’s adoption, based on what was known at the time, has no hope to move into the future? We should be stayed rules that have even known to be based on falsehoods?
Stories like this, of birthparents in a closed adoption changing the parameters, at their own will, years later is exactly not the face I want lobbying for adoption reform.
Ok ..so IF his parents had seeked ME out..would it also have been so gross to you?? If he had seeked me out would that also have been just as bad? After all the adoption was closed…so we are all never to confer again?? My own will…what was I to wait for? The heavens to ope up and God to sing?? Or it should still just never be about me at all right? I should just do nothing forever becasue that is what I did once? Nah.
7:10 AM
Disgusted said…
”I find your attitude lacking in compassion, empathy and understanding.”
Which is exactly what I find to be at the heart of contacting Max’s parents and willfully putting aside their feelings: a complete lack of compassion, empathy or understanding for the people who raised and love Max. Again, it is NOT about them.
It’s not their price to pay that Claud was solid with her decision to surrender her child for a decade and a half until someone online convinced her otherwise.
That is the reality of adoption…that another mother is OUT there..we don;t go away even if society would like us to, if you would like us to, if they wanted me to. Again, not someone….truth and facts. It IS their price to pay..they got 17.5 years of bliss with my child. Too bad no one told them the truth either at the time.
Once more for those in the cheap seats; the issue isn’t being a ”mother of loss”. It’s deciding that your feelings trump anyone else in the equation. Changing the parameters mid-stream (or months shy of an 18th birthday) following contact with Max’s family was and is selfish. As is the martyred whining about their failure to respond to her letter. I don’t know about anyone else but once someone has disregarded my feelings, especially concerning a child, I would not be in a big hurry to resume contact (especially since they know their silence isn’t prohibiting the only contact she really wants which is with Max).
Yeah. we know..I am the big bad selfish person. ME ME ME!!!! Beleive what you must.
11:09 AM
Disgusted in Florida…curious as to what your connection in adoption is. I read into you as an adoptive parent who finds my story with Max to be a threat and cause much fear in you. Obviously you center you symapthies on Max’s parents feelings..and are upset that I did not follow the same course. What you fail to realize that it is not about ME nor THEM, but about him. What his parents and I are both gulity of is attributing what we want on him. They wished for no contact…putting whatever their true reasons as..if there actually wee other reasons..on his lack of interest. I put my reasons..wanting to see and know my son…and assumed that he would feel the same way. The difference is that I gave him the choice. If giving an almost 18 year old the abilty to say his own mind is wrong in your eyes, then I am sorry we will just not agree here. IF he had ignored me or bowed out, and then I had continued, then yes, you accusations would be much more on target. But perhaps what scares you is that he was most happy to know me and continues to be so? That I went on a feeling in my gut that said this and dared to act?
What you fail to mention in your tirade of my sins of selfishness and bad character..is what they could have done to prevent this also?? That they also had choices in this journey and failed to address things in a way wthat would have prevented any following dicourse. I assume you feel it as in their right to hide my first letter to him? That they sent me information and pictures of him without his knoweldge? That even when he purposefully mentioned me to appear “interested” they kept their contact with me hidden away and pushed it off to “you can search when you are 18”. And we have already determined that a few months would not have mattered, correct? If it should not have mattered to me, then why would it have matter to them in the other direction? Ah yes, i broke the rules.
You clearly missed the part in your deep research, when I use to lay in bed for months after contact with them and just prayed that he would ask anything about me at all…as I beleived that they would be open and honest with him at the moment he showed any inkling of thought about me…and tell him of our commnications. Is that not also breaking the rules? When he asked and they still denied him the information? I was promised when I left him ..that he would be given honestly and openness…Am I the only one to change midstream?
And what is wrong with..at this time saying..yes. you are mad, I have feelings too..now let’s put them aside, get over it, and move on for HIS sake?? Are they not also adults who should do what is right for thier child as I am? Is there an errr in siting a dispass and trying to bulid a bridge? Do they have more rights to a gurdge than I?
Unless, I, of course, just have no rights at all.
The DelRay Florida IP address shows very short times reading the blog. The Austin Texas IP address shows long times reading the blog. It could be possible that someone is using more than one server to read the blog. It is also possible to change one’s IP address since all IP companies have more than one. People can also do it anonymously by using what is known as proxy IP addresses. In other words, they are completely fake. I wouldn’t discount the possibility that G’s family is reading. You link to your MySpace account, which links to G’s MySpace account, and your blog address is published in that MySpace account. Anyone who knows him knows how to access the blog. Not that I think you need to hide out, just making you aware that people are very likely trying to fake you out by not using a static and true IP address. IP addresses really mean nothing nowadays because they are so easy to change with a few keystrokes.
Thank you ComputerGeek. And yes, I have taken that all into consideration. Truthfully, I think I am having quite the same gut conclusion that you have..and I agree again.
It would be so very nice if people really didn’t hide out and had the courage to speak freely. Imagine what could be accomplished if folks were honest and real.
This is one of the things I hate about the internet. When people commenting actually decide instead of to discuss, they judge.
Claud, I can’t argue with your truth. It’s your life. I am no more going to debate your life and actions than I would if we friends in real life.
Debate adoption policy and theory ? In a heart beat. Debate your adoption or how you have handled it? Never.
Apparently it’s okay to be ungracious and rude when you can hide behind your computer screen.
“Derailed by Disgusted”
i think you should rename this thread “Derailing Disgusted”.
i am also wondering if this person is one of your son’s adopters. hope not.
I’m not sure what all the talk of locations and IP addresses is about but I can tell you that I am in Mississippi and using Verizon Broadband/National Access if that allays any of your obvious paranoia about who I am/who is reading your blog.
As for my interest or part in adoption, I will tell you that I am adopted and the most hurtful, thoughtless thing you can do to an adopted child is to put them in the middle of their family and a birthparent.
If it’s not about you and it’s not about Max’s parents and your interest is solely in Max then don’t tell me about laying up at night crying etc.
If it’s about Max and not his parents then why go the extra step to involve them only to then disregard them? What, really, would have been the harm in waiting a few more months to contact him directly?
You can bray all day long about your hurt, your pain, your need to know but where in any of that is the consideration for the position you put Max in?
How could you not understand that by making the situation such that contact with you must be secret puts a burden on him that isn’t his to bear?
His parents made a simple request to wait until he was 18; your inability to wait is the reason the situation is one of adversaries now with all sides claiming to have the interest of Max at heart but that isn’t the reality, at all.
You pine about what would have, or could have happened if they had sought you out first, or if Max had but what you fail to see is that you aren’t a child and nobody else was raising you. You aren’t Max; you aren’t a child and had his parents sought you out you could have shut down contact easily and without hesitation. If Max had sought you out and you refused contact, that would have been the end of the road for him because I assure you that nobody has fewer rights in these instances than the adopted children. We didn’t ask to be born, we didn’t ask to be surrendered and we sure didn’t ask to be in the middle of a battle of wills between two sets of parents.
You say, ”let’s put it all aside now and forge ahead” which is again so mightily hypocritical. You speak as if Max’s parents ”owe” you something because they ”had him” for 17.5 years. They raised him, loved him and created a family with him; you have been paid in full and what, if anything, they choose to ”give” you now is completely up to them and it’s not for you to decide.
It’s really, really disturbing to read your words about how they ”had” him for so long but they didn’t snatch him from you. You gave willingly, no matter how you choose to paint that now. It’s not for you to make demands on them now, or ever.
If it’s not about you, and not about them then I again fail to see why they were given even a passing ”consideration” because as much as you bleat about, ”Oh I guess I don’t have any rights”, it’s true. You don’t have the right to put him in the middle, you don’t have the right to expect them to fall in line with your new game plan and you certainly don’t have the right to speak of ”loss” when you haven’t, in 18 years, even told Max’s father of his existence and that is off the charts in measuring not only ”loss” but also in measuring your ”worth” as a person; i.e., ”If I’m so damn important now why wasn’t I important enough to acknowledge me to my birth father?”
Children of adoption have more than enough to deal minus ego battles of those claiming to care only about them when that couldn’t be further from the truth.
If you truly wanted it to be about him, then you could have waited until it could have been that way, honestly, without un-needed layers of secrecy on top of what adoption puts on the hearts of those adopted already.
Dear Disgusted Again:
I feel compelled to respond to you, because you are an adoptee. I will not respond to you again on someone else’s blog, it is really not cool to hijack someone else’s blog.
I too am an adoptee, female my guess is you are a male and a lot younger than me.
But we have something very much in common. I probably have more time behind me dealing with this.
My guess is what really triggered you is that she was “fine” for 14 years. We adoptees tend to miss the subtleties from bparents.
We want bparents to “get” what we have gone through, and unless they are double-dippers in the adoption triangle they usually don’t. They had they formative years w/o the loss, and yes we don’t know what is like to have any choice in regard to it. And where it lives is inseperable from who we are, their is no qualifer in the term adoptee, it is not an adjective describing an experience like birth or adoptive parent ,it is who I am.
And it is not fair, but it is what it is.
And our trauma doesn’t cancel out others.
When I first met J. I had this real need for her to stop talking about my adoption like it was a natural disaster, something that happened to her, with her taking no part in that. Now that I am older I see things differently, “As life gets longer awful gets softer… and it seems pretty soft to me” MM
I am sorry you are hurting, but attacking birthmothers and their experiences and judging them for not grieving/behaving properly will not heal you.
I have found that the inverse is true learning to have more compassion and less judgment is actually a more healing route. In turn I find I have more compassion and less judgment for myself.
If you want someone to talk to about your confusing/conflicting feelings you can email me, I am an adoptee-in-arms, but I cannot condone behavior that is undignified and disrespectful. It offends my sense of dignity, which we adoptees struggle so hard to achieve.
Sincerely,
Joy
wow claud. you never ceae to amaze me in your abilities to attract the most angry hateful people in adoption. kudos to you for the way you are handling it. that disgusted person sounds as though they need some serious help. i hope someday they find it.
You know I feel empathy for you because I hear your anger and pain, I know its not really at Claud but at the words that have triggered something for you.
I am a mom who lost my son to adoption and I am interested to hear what you say, It educates me to hear what is hard and makes you feel in the middle. I know you are not my son but it does give me an idea of how he may feel.
Is there something that happened or didnt happen in a reunion for you that is upsetting?
Is there anything we can do to help you understand what is feels like from this side?
MSP
I think it’s also not really about Max and Claud. A few months wouldn’t have made much difference either way and if anything, contact should have been made much much earlier. Max was really happy to hear that his mother had a positive feeling towards him.
I don’t think it compromised Max’s relationship between himself and his parents, they lied to him so compormised the relationship themselves.
I think adoption compromises relationships anyway, it forces people to have divided loyalties even in the most open situations.
If you can identify your real source of pain D. then I am with mom seeking peace. And Claud is not one to hold a grudge either so if you want to speak out then do so and if we can be of assistance that would be great.
Hope you don’t mind me writing this here Claud.
Disgusted….
Thank you for explaining a bit more about who you are. It is appreciated.
You know…you keep on going with this “waited a few more months stuff”…and you know what. IF 18 was the magic number…Like IF his parents had said to me in my first leaglly, thought the proper channels, agency approved, respectfully requested update..”We have decided that when Max is 18, as you already agreed to open all records at 18 ( as the parameters of the original adoption), then we will passon your letter and tell him of your contact”…then you know what..I WOULD HAVE waited. Yes, then all the aspects of ignoring thier requests, etc. would have been much qualified with reality. I wasn’t asked to “please wait until he was 18”, I was told he “was in a good place right now” and “he has no interest” and “maybe when he gets older, in college perhaps”…leaving the door wide open to maybe, perhaps, when. I’m sorry that you see my wanting to have contact with my child is unacceptable to you, but waiting an undisclosed infinate time frame was just not acceptable to me anymore.
He had no idea he could have his records at 18, he had no idea he could search for me, he had no idea that he would ever see me again even though he said he did think about me, etc. And even though I found out all this after the fact..after I sent a simple open message to him and he recieved it happily…what I went by before was the words of adoptees, who said “Look for him”, “we like to be found”, etc. Would it have been better, in your eyes, if I had watched him from afar, knowing where he was, for months..and then, at 18, popped u…as a stalker mom? Still as unsantioned, but now having to be honest and tell him..that I knew where he was and waited? Now maybe that would have been the right thing to do for YOU, but you are not him..and he was OK. I think he appreciated that I could not hold back..and on finding him..reached out.
You make this out like I WANTED to put him in the middle and play tug. I did not..and tried my best to avoid that. No, it did not work out to perfection, but I tried as hard as I could. I can’t do better than that. I am sorry, but I am only human.
I immediatly did address the fact that he was now holding the secret..and I didn’t want him in that place. I wanted to be in contact with his folks again then, take the ownership for contact, keep it open..but that was not how he choose to play it and there is no way that I would have gone against what he then wished. Yes, I did put him there..but he choose to stay there until he was ready to take off that burden.
I don’t know what your personal situation is, and I can completely agree with the idealology about which you speak. The concepts are all ones I agree with, but you’re not right in all the facts to my situation. I tried to do what I could to stay within the ideaology, but the reality was that it was just not possible.
Some of it was not possible by what his parenst choose. Some of what you beleive was not what Max choose. And yes, some of it was my choosing. Yes, I gave in to a completely selfish need to contact my son when I sent that first message, but my motives and intentions were not nearly as ominious as you would like them out to be. I was as honest as I could have been to HIM thoughout this all..and THAT is my job, that is my dedication, that is my objective.
Heck, you bring up his father…he knows the story of his father..and, at this point, I do not feel that I have the right to make the call and involve him. I would do it in a heartbeat at Max’s request…overcome all my fears, slay my Dragons, face my past…but I dislike so intensly that posiotion of power and control that I will not go there myself. I will not go to his father and then deny him Max based on what I think best, nor force Max to deal with him without his choosing. Recommend, offered, mentioned..but all I can do in my conciousness is lead the way.
As for his parents..they don;t owe me..they owe Max..I owe Max..we owe him to do the best we can..and I am doing all that I can. Not perfect, but real and honest. I think he knows that. That’s all I can hope for.
You say I have no rights now…well yes, in a legal stance. Yes, I choose to wipe away my legal role..but the heart…it cannot be signed away so quickly. Oh they say it can be, and obviously some folks seem to beleive that, but it just didn’t ever fly with me. Even when I was “Ok” with it…I still always was waiting till 18. Heck, that’s the “why” I gave myself for coming to the boards..to get prepared for 18..to learn how to do it “right”…to listen as I did to the adoptees. I hear you when you say the tug of war sucks. Can you hear me when I say I did what I could???
I’m sorry my don’t please you..but they have been Ok for my son..and that is who I DO care about.
Hello, Disgusted,
I’m an adoptive mom, therefore am not qualified to speak about the experience of being a first mother or an adoptee. But even my adoptive parenting experience has taught me something you will consider, and hopefully will help further your understanding.
You said “You gave willingly, no matter how you choose to paint that now.” When someone does something because there are no other avenues to follow, no support, nothing – it’s not done willingly. That is something that adoptive parents must have the humility to recognize, understand, and accept. And then to rethink their plans for their children in such a way that when an unexpected contact arises, their child already knows they have their support.
The adoption research material I’ve read suggests that truth is better than lies, and knowing is better than secrecy. That doesn’t mean they are easier to bear, or necessarily even desired. But the debilitating hole that secrecy, lies, and lack of information leave in many adoptees’ lives can cause deeper and more lasting damage.
Again, these thoughts are offered only to provide another perspective. Best to you.
Whoops! What a difference a word makes! What I meant to say in the first paragraph was:
But even my adoptive parenting experience has taught me something * I hope * you will consider, and hopefully will help further your understanding.
What a difference a couple of short words can make, boy did that sound preachy before (and apologies if it still doesn’t, it’s unintentional).
trying again.. I hate blogger today.
Well I read the whole blog post. So got enough of the jist.. sounds like DL to me. lol.
Anyway.
Claud.. you dont need to defend yourself at all.. Sometimes it takes other people wiping the mirror clean to see what is really there. I dont think it is about living it a decade and a half then changing your mind.. it is like you said.. living it under false pretenses through that time.
Did I appreciate the way my mirror was wiped clean? (On your site..) No. I didnt. I was angry. I was devistated. Then when I went to respond. I knew they were right.
“Someone on the internet” changed your mind.. or someone out ther gave you a glimpse of what was really there all along.
We are foolish to not reassess our path upon receipt of new and vitally important information.
And you, Claud.. share that information… And your feelings and your life and your shortcomings freely.. and it helps people see that they too can do that.
Rights in these situations.. well “that’s fuzzy math”… *wink*
The important thing is that it is real. His reaction is based on his feelings… yours based on yours.. and really the person who has to deal with his parents feelings are them and him.. it really isnt even on your shoulders and yet you reached out to them anyway.
You are human and you treated everyone as such.. rather than just a peice of paper.
“Disgusted,” i hope you might consider this experience too, before making a judgement.
a natural mother, i searched myself instead of waiting. i found a teenage adoptee who was suicidal, traumatized by adoption, had never told even her best friends about being adopted, who was conciously clinging hard to the fantasy that the a-mom had given birth to her, and who never knew about searching or records. if i had waited, she may have been dead by age 20: she told me this herself.
i was one of those who encouraged Claudia to search.
besides the fact that Claudia never gave informed consent to the adoption. information was intentionally withheld from her by the agency to get her to naively sign. therefore, in my opinion, she had the ethical right to search. the uninformed 18 yr old she once was is not the 36 yr old who now knows the truth about how the agency manipulated and deceived her.
wow. This disgusted person really doesn’t have a clue.
It’s funny, cause as a resident of NYS, I find it wonderful that you are going to capitol hill and doing your thing. I feel represented too.
As for “agreements at the time of the adoption”, that’s awfully funny, cause it matters what we agree to (giving up our rights to our children) but it doesn’t matter what agreement the aparents made. LOL. Laws currently only protect the adoptive parents. How dare we fight for laws to protect us.
Your are Excellent. And so is your site! Keep up the good work. Bookmarked.
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I don’t get this. if Max had such a great awesome life and his adoptive parents are his “real parents” or however disgusted views it, what big deal would it be if you contacted him? Why would they be upset traumatized etc if the adoption was so dandy and they were so solid in their roles? How, after nearly two decades, coule they possibly be freaked out/threatened/hurt/disturbed whatever by the person who happened to give birth to Max showing up? I am not saying birth parents are not important; I am saying if they are so unimportant and meant to be last place as disgusted claims, why is it such a BFD for the adoptive family to acknowledge mom’s existence? Violation?! Intrusion?! If the birth moms are so nothing, how could a solid family feel violated and intruded upon?!
wkh
Wow Claud, lots happened while I was away. Been having some things of my own to deal with ya know? Don’t let one person like this bother you. In time we all learn as I have. Believe me, I don’t like where I am in this situation an I do not like where my daughter has bee either. It is like she was bought paid for and that as such was not allowed to choose whether to know me or not. It hurts my heart as I am sure it does yours when a simple acknowledgment is all I asked for..
Hey disgusted,
I had this fight with these gals a few months back, and they ain’t gonna listen. It is all about them, be damned to the agreements they made or any sense of stability their ex-kid has. You will beat your head against the wall arguing with these people ’till you get tired of the squishy sound.
Hey anon, why don’t you comedown off your high horse and do the research? You will find as I have (and I used to be one of those rah rah adoption is wonderful first mothers) that none of us really wanted to give up our child? None of us were really told the truth either. In the meantime, go bang your head against that wall, the squshy sound might wake you up..
P.S- Sorry Claud I had to don’t mean to be nasty or flaming but sometimes it just has to come out!
Oh yada yada yada…
Disgusted has left…no reply to all the reasoning given to him her..
As for you whatever anon…if you got so tired? Why are you back?? Just to make some pokes?? Yeah..”ex-kid”..whatever..go throw your rocks about at someone who might really care…or say something profound, intelligent , interesting or even original.
Yawn.