A Sad Story of A Dad’s Real Stupidity

I have already bemoaned a real lack of possible grandfathers around for my kids and my own loss of paternal guidance.   I guess it’s a good thing that I completely understand because Rye is pretty much in the same boat and it’s good that we both understand.

I’m going to post this whole thing in its entirety because it speaks pretty much for itself, but this is a perfect example of how posting mean and cruel stuff on social media can really backfire. Yes, I am now airing dirty laundry, but heck, it was all public posting anyway. The only thing NOT public was my private message and I have the right to repost that. So be warned. Family drama ensues.

My Husband an Adoptee Close Call

Just a little back-story so it’s not 100% confusing.

I often call Rye an almost adoptee lite. His mom was 18 when she had him in ’73. Typical story that we all know well and should have no cause of shame. Unmarried and pregnant. Dad did not step up to the plate. Thankfully, her parents were VERY family based and shipping her out to a maternity home was NOT an option even with time being old school Irish Catholics. So while she was lucky in that sense and did actually have family support to raise him as a single mom or have her parents raise him a their own, unfortunately she married the next guy and they proceeded to let Rye think that the man who was married to his mom was his dad.

We’re happy that he isn’t because she ended up marring a real evil man who proceeded to be just as bad as you can imagine for the next 15 plus years. He abused them both horribly. Long story short (because this is not MY story, but Rye’s and he has given me the OK here for this), Rye finally found out who his real father was and was relieved it was not the abusive asshole.

He and his biological father had a mini reunion before he went away to the Marines that didn’t go so great, but considering everything that went down before hand, wasn’t that horrible. I personally think Rye was young then and was still rightfully angry at both his father figures.. one for beating him and the other for turning his back and letting him be abused.

Could have been the end of the story, but as we all know when you have your own kids, family becomes more important so somewhere in the last 13 years he got back in touch with his biological father.

As I said before he even came to our wedding in 2007. That’s the only time the kids and I have met him, but Rye and he have chatted online, have FB conversations and have talked on the phone periodically.

Enter Facebook Comments

Then,  tonight, his father posted THIS on his Facebook page:

 “Snooki had a kid? Oh MY !!!!!!!!!!!!!! Maybe we should have a national holiday for ANOTHER unmarried drunken whore squirting out another bastard…” 

I don’t see his posts because I blocked them years ago. I found them to be just too “off” for my taste and thought it better manners than unfriending, but Rye sees it and is, well, upset. His response was “Wow…”

The conversation about horrible Snooki goes on and he makes another comment in the same thread:

” i think it’s because the negative shit is almost considered the norm in the US” 

So I’m pissed off now. NOT because I really care too much for Snooki myself, but I am certainly NOT going to judge her. What pisses me off is that MY HUSBAND has to hear this filth come from his FATHER who essentially could be talking about him. But, I’m not going to be rude and blast him on his own page, so with Rye’s blessing, I send my “father-n law” this private message: ‘

 

“ANOTHER unmarried drunken whore squirting out another bastard” ?  

My, my, how things change.  

I’m sorry but I really need to ask: have you looked in the mirror? Have you completely forgotten about YOUR own PAST and that THIS is how your OWN SON ( who obviously SAW this post) came into this world? What makes YOU any better than freaking Snooki or her baby daddy? Or perhaps I should rephrase that.. at least the father to Snooki’s child is engaged to her and plans on raising his own child rather than letting some REAL BASTARD ( as in drunkin’ abusive rotten) do that work for him. Bet he’s not going to let his child get the shit beat out of him. I bet he thinks more of his child’s mother than to call her a drunken whore. I’m sure XXX*, who covered for you at her own expense for years and certainly suffer for it, would be thrilled to know that you find unmarried women who have the audacity to have sex before they are married are nothing but whores. But I bet you begged for her to be exactly that 40 years ago. Funny how it worked for you then, but NOW you judge.  

“This negative shit” is consider the norm? Well then don’t we all have people like YOU to thank for paving the way of the Snookis of today.

And what about your own grandchildren? Rye* and I weren’t married when we had these children. Does that make me a drunken whore too? Are my children’s bastards like your son? Seriously WTF. Think before you post. And maybe you won’t make the mistake of judging other people for wearing the exact same shoes you walked in. 

Don’t even reply to me. Just do NOT let my husband who I LOVE see shit like this coming from his own freaking father ever again.” 

My hope was that he would see that perhaps there are some parallels here and maybe, just maybe, he hurt his only son’s feelings and might want to rethink stuff. Ok I was harsh, but really?
I don’t want nor do I expect a reply. I expect that he’ll see how nasty he is and just take down the original post.

Ha ha ha.. silly optimistic me!

He posts again publically on the original Snooki thread.

“Excuse me, but I post as I think, and this is about an immoral drunk, spewing more garbage of her life.
If YOU take it personally, well, I’m sorry, and maybe you shouldn’t read my posts. And MY life DID change, and I *AM* a LOT better than I *WAS* and am on another advanced form of existance than snooki. Besides, the events, that I was involved in, was LONG before anyone I now ‘know’ ever entered the picture, and they’re going by what they’ve heard, and never lived in, nor participated in, in ANY way.
The other versions of my personal tale are filled with OTHER’S perceptions, and maybe there’s a SHRED of truth in each. As for begging anybody for anything, if aqnyone anywhere looked for any evidence of that anywhere, they’d be disappointed.
There comes a time, when every person gets ‘right’ and sees a shit for just that. I was a shit. I no longer am one. That’s MY life.” 

While we are digesting THAT fatherly love and both of us muttering “OMG what a tool!” he posts again on a new thread:

NEW PUBLIC COMMENT MADE BY MY HUSBAND”S FATHER ( I Guess he didn’t like my message?) :

“I LOVE it when people who have NO IDEA what I’m REALLY like use bullshit reasoning and lack of REAL information to run their mouths, when they should simply pay attention to what THEY are DOING rather than what I’ve DONE. If *I* went after anyone without knowing THEIR *TRUE* nature and history, I’d deserve what I got. Thank God I’m NOT PC enuff to care what gender you are, nor about your problems. I got rid of mine a LONG time ago.” 

And keeps on commenting…I’m not taking the bait.

“BTW, run your mouth HERE, out in public. I’m itching for a fight with people who don’t know me. Then truth WILL come out. In massive heaps of steaming truth. Otherwise live with your skewed versions of reality. Time the whole ring of REAL friends got the REAL 411anyway.” 

I didn’t copy and paste these in time, but Rye is posting things like “relax” and “You don’t want to go there”; “Show a little humility and respect before you cause more damage” as I am now spitting curses around the offices still shocked that this man just doesn’t know when to leave well enough alone.

He doesn’t know when to stop:

“ok..Rye*..you feel free to take it any level you want, go ahead and involve yourself where you feel you should. Show some humility and respect? I wrote about Snooki, and your lady took it personal and jumped me. THAT’S the respect *I* have to honor? Humility? Sorry, m’lad..I KNOW where I’VE been and rectified what I could. I advise YOU both to stay out of it, and defriend me if what I write bothers you that much. I don’t appreciate warnings”

It Gets REAL Ugly

And then, the truth, as it always does, came out. It’s not pretty, but it is true. This is Rye’s reply:

“Shouldn’t *I* take it personally? Am I not in this WORLD because of a very similar situation that you act all disgusted about? How am I suppose to feel seeing my FATHER say something so mean and heartless when that is the SAME WAY I was born? 

So she’s whoring and you’ re Ok with saying such things because you’ve “advanced” to become a higher life form and she’s what..only 40 years younger than you are. And I’m feeling all sensitive and PC like..right.  

And my WIFE, who sent you a PRIVATE message, is just “running her mouth off” rather than protecting my feelings. Oh, but you wouldn’t know about protecting ANYONE would you. Less it’s yourself.

But sure, lets’ take away OTHER’S people’s perceptions and look at what you are DOING. This is what I see.

In my almost 40 years on this earth, I have never received a single birthday card from you, my father. Nor have your GRANDCHILDREN ever received a card or Christmas gift or anything. In fact they only anything about you at all because you were invited to my wedding over five years ago. That’s all they’ll get, which is probably a good thing, a single memory of their “grandfather”. But what can you expect from second generation bastards, right?  

Yes, lets’ look at your TRUE NATURE as demonstrated by your “fathering”. Sure we can right off your lack of bothering to know me at all my first dozen and a half years on this earth and letting another man beat the crap out of me, as saying you have CHANGED and you are no longer a SHIT.  So it’s cool, right to send your SON pictures of your current girlfriend topless or naked pissing in a dog bowl LIKE A DOG. What was I suppose to PERCIEVE about THAT? 

Too bad you can’t see that what you are DOING still has the ability to HURT people. But yeah, I completely agree with you. You don’t care about me and my problems at all. Yes, you did get rid of me a long time ago, I guess I was just one of your “problems” and yeah, I guess I AM disappointed.  

Thanks for the great times, Dad.”

HIS FATHER’S RESPONSE:

“Yeah, again…i guess it depends on which version you hear, what WE did discuss/share, and who would twist things to make it seem that I am STILL the villain. Thats ok. I was a better one than most, when young. I could also say some embarrassing things, but I AM above that. And always was, even at my worst. Do you tell everything YOU do? Feel free to attack me. If I get bored I block it. I have NO fathering skills, and NEVER pretended to have any. What happened to you BEFORE I entered (re-entered) the scene was just that, BEFORE. And I didn’t know of it until YOU were in the service. So, blame me. I guess that is what my ‘relatives’ find comfort in doing to sooth the ills of their own ways of doing things. Go live your life, Rye*. I suggest you defriend and block me.”

Then, he BLOCKED his son, un-friended him and removed the TRUTH. The sad part is, he keeps on blaming all these other people for supposedly talking crap about him, but really, it’s all his own actions and lack of actions that have brought it up to this. I think after the super lousy father Rye had growing up, even a weird half assed one would have been acceptable, but this just went too far.

As I posted a status update mid way “I can handle immense stupidity. I can handle things that insult me. But don’t you DARE mess with the people I love. Then my gloves come off.” Don’t hurt my husband and like wise with Rye, when his “father” went public with his nasty replies to me, he was done as well.

Yes, it is disappointing. But I had copied everything already as I figured it would be all deleted, but you can’t delete the truth. Might as well document it and so, for Rye, I have. It’s his truth. It’s our family’s story and there is nothing for us to hide. And as we have learned a long time again, you can’t hide from the truth even when it is not pretty.The sad truth is that between my husband and I, we don’t have one single decent father between us. Heck, even if we put all their half-ass father attempts and put them in blender, we can’t get a halfway decent dad to act like a possible grandpa for the kids.

I will take submissions for possible replacements coz these tools we got stuck with biologically are just not gonna do the job. Maybe I should place an ad on Craigslist?


Wanted one kindly older gentleman who has a gentle loving soul to act as a stand in grandfather for two great kids. Would prefer Irish/Italian mix, but not picky. Must have great wisdom, tell old stories and wear slippers, funny hats and cardigan sweaters.  We offer hugs and cookies in exchange. No perverts please.

* Edits made to switch out names to keep this un-confusing ( all references to Rye use Rye) and blocked one that isn’t needed. 

 

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