I think I must be feeling better.
I attacked the house today with a vengence.
Folding and put away all the laundry..except for Scarlett’s, but her room is trashed right now, so I will tackle that tomorrow. She has to help me. I can’t believe she is such a slob. Rye’s child 100%
Then I cleaned up the huge mess of foam that the dog chewed up and has been under my desk for a week. That caused me to actually vacumn the attic/office where I sit now.
Took the littel vacumn downstairs and did the hall, bath and our room..again not the kids. I don’t do Garin’s room anymore and S&T need to work with me.
Downsatirs got completely cleaned. All the pine needles from the tree and did the floors..vacumn and mopped. Fabreezed it all..even got inside of the couches. The round table in the foyer is fixed, though I did that last night, I set it back up today. Replaced like four lightbulbs that were out for however long. Made dinner..Chicken Marsala..yummy. Helped Garin with his Cuba report though I can’t get it to print..that’s for Rye to fix. Walked the kids and dog to school for Scarlett…and made it on time!
And yesterday I made cookies with the kids and went food shopping. Yeah ha!
Oh and I made a cheezy holiday newsletter and emailed it out to like 80 people. I have NO idea who the heck I really mailed it out to. I have two huge Email lists from when Garin had his sugery this summer and like an insane amount of people are on them. So afterwards I checked, and I sent a holiday newsletter to Hilaary Clinton! WHY she was on my list, I have NO idea. But I sent her one. I do write to her and rant on adoption at times, but only when she sends me an newsletter first and mentions abortion. I guess fair is fair.
I have been thinking of composing another Adoption letter..something for the media…and mailing it to EVERYONE I can find….in the news, on TV, Ophra, the Times, the whole damn world. I mean someone has got to see the truth and a story in it. I think the time is coming. I don;t know why, but I feel a small shift in the scheme of the world.
I dream so big. I think that is my problem. If only something would come to fruitition.
I have been thinking about my Congressional bill..NIARA. Maybe it’s time is coming. If I rewrote it so that it reflected what adopters want to, I think maybe it would have a shot. Maybe if I do that, and then get grassroots support, and THEN blitzed the media. Would they bit that? “SAHM drafts Congressional Bill reforming the whole Adoption industry… News at eleven”
See what I mean…I dream big. But I want change dammit!! I want change bad enough to DO something about it. It’s great to talk to people and I know that I have helped some, but talking a woman or two a year into being a mom is sometimes just not enough. So many are still lost and it breaks my heart. Sometimes I just can’t even go there. Like there is a blog here now, no need to name names, that is like watching a train wreck. I read it, but I can’t comment. I feel like it’s slowmo and I am just yelling but no sound comes out,”NNOOOOoooooooooooo……..” And I know that nothing I say will turn this girls mind. I can hear her resolve. Maybe she just reminds me too much of me..that determination. It can be a bad thing.
I had a list on the computer, before I lost the hard drive two months ago, that had the names of all the moms I have known. It was pretty imprssive in a sad, sad way. So many of us. And I don’t think, out of all of them, that one would do it again. No one would walk into that pain again willingly. We would all parent. That alone says something. Ah, I just thought of one..but only one! I should write it out again.
Eh. My lips are chapped. It’s quarter to one. Rye is still not home and I want ice cream.
Night.
i tried to email you @ the aol address…something funny re: names. however, it kept coming back to me. 🙁
If the train wreck blog is the one I am thinking of I don’t think anything anyone says will change her mind. I keep trying anyway fool that I am. I cleaned my house a bit today too, next year i want to be able to find things when I am looking for them.
Writing a blog is a way of making changes and reaching out to people. It validates mothers like me who for ages felt like she was one of a few saying things against adoption.
Yeah, you know what one I am talking about. I see your attempts. I just can’t go there with her. Coz I just wouldn’t be able to be “supportive” in any way.
You know sometimes it is the fool errands that end up being OK. I drove one Pregnant girl up the wall about two years ago…presued her relentlessly..just wrote and wrote to her all the time from January until Late March..no one thought she would listen.
And honestly, I had no idea myself. Even though I had talked to her on the phone, I heard the question and doubt in her voice, I still thought that there was a good chance that she would go though with it.
One of my best saves really. I got through and she is a happy and proud Momma whose daughter is her whole world. Just knowing that I had a part in that..it’s good stuff.
Sometimes all you need is one that will hear you..one sentence that begins to make the whole thing unravel..SO keep being the fool I say. You never know.
Did you ever buy into the “glory” of it? I spent 14 years being a happy Bmom. Nasty life with all that sand in your ears and eyes.
I saw your comment and thought it was really well said. About the glory thing. umm, well I think for about a year maybe until they freaked out when I asked if I could send Christmas and birthday presents (via organisation not directly we didn’t have open in those days) and their reaction was to close the adoption totally by breaking their agreement to send me news once a year. My glory moment was also gone when my mother decided to write a book about a girl who gets pregnant and then has the baby adopted, then she wrote the play and even had t-shirts made. That really turned my stomach, she had been the main coercive influence. Well i had years where I felt the glory and years of bitterness, now I am gloriously bitter with a fabulous self righteous sense of humour softened by a big heart and love for other mums like us.