Further Physiological Damage Heaped Upon this Medically Challenged Child in the Name of Adoption

EDITED on November 13, 2014 due to new information.
Oh, and another Cease and Desist letter. I love that C&D’s can confirm questions and get us on the right track.

I have no way of knowing for sure, of course. Sadly, this Ohio adoption agency‘s words,  throw around on their website,  stating “This is your baby and your adoption decision. Therefore, you are in full control of your adoption plan. This includes your choice of the adoptive family,” become nothing more than false advertising and lip service. At least,  that is the case when a mother or father dare’s try to revoke consent and fight the unethical adoption agency for their own child.  The point is, that Adoption by Gentle Care, of course, isn’t informing Carri about major decisions in Camden’s life such as how he is doing medically, nor whether or not they have moved him away from the foster family that he has spent almost 6 months with.  Like most things, we are left guessing, but there is a gut mother’s instincts that is saying so and I have to concur based on the clues.

Where is Baby Camden?

So we can’t say for sure, but there is a strong suspicion that he has been moved to another home, another family.  We can, however,  say where he is not.

Not with His Original Family:

He is not with his mother and five siblings who have been begging for his return for since early April.

Not with the Original Adoptive Family:

We know for sure that he is not with the original family that Carri had chosen as that first pre-adoptive family did return Camden to the agency’s  care resulting in the first failed adoption attempt. Granted no one officially informed his mother of this either and we had only strong suspicions for months until they were finally confirmed.

With Family Number Three? The Unnamed Foster Family?

Nope; not with FOSTER family number three. Had no idea previously that there was INBETWEEN foster family number THREE, but there was.

We know that after that he was in the care of a foster family.…which makes them family number FOUR. This fact, really, beats all irony as Pat Hamilton, the attorney for Adoption by Gentle Care, is taped in an interview on NBC stating:

“That (foster care) is not in the least bit viable. The agency would not have the authority to turn a child over to Children Services for the purposes of foster care. They just simply don’t have that ability,”

But, they kind of did. As that is exactly where AGC  housed Camden for most of his life so far; in Foster Care.

Of course, CPS Foster Care was NOT where we suspect Camden went to, but an agency run care situation. Most agencies do have some sort of “cradle care” set up to house babies in circumstances where the adoptive parents cannot take the baby directly from the hospital or if there are legal risk issues that need to be ironed out before the APs can feel free to parent. This whole mess started in part by foster care  avoidance as Carri did exactly what was told by the social worker in order to NOT have Camden placed in foster care. The fact that he has spent most of his life with the third family who was, indeed,  providing foster care, is again,  painfully ironic.

Who is NOT Family Number FIVE?

Mid October, AGC made a statement on social media about a “placement” of a baby who just happened to have almost the same name as Camden. It was literally ONE letter removed. Now granted, many adaptive families will change child’s name, but that’s common adoption practices in newborn placement. I can see that a child who has HAD a name for months ( providing that the foster family knew of his name and actually called him that)  changing his name completely might make it even harder to transition to yet another caretaker-especially if the child has visual issues and perhaps cannot even see clearly what is happening to him. Granted, babies don’t have the verbal or comprehensive skills to understand all this insane movement and the whole situation is just disruptive, but adding a lost sense on top of that? I can’t help but to think just how frightening this might be for that baby. Maybe they kept his name out of a kindness? Again, we do not know.

Anyway, based on the name and the timing, and the fact that AGC usually does not usually congratulate families on placements as they seem to prefer exploiting children ‘s pictures taken with smiling judges and new adoptive parents on their finalization day; it does seem that this post was more of a “goading” message to Carri. AGC’s behavior is NOT above that. It got the spider senses tingling. ( bad spiders!)  Needless to say,  that this family has been identified and located and, like before, I sent them a letter.

And I have had a response. I got my cease and desist email today that has confirmed that THIS family is NOT in the possession of Camden.

Making Sure the Truth About Camden’s Placement is Known

Now I actually HATE having to do this; but there is certain sense of obligation that I feel. While there are those that make out every adoptive couple as some kind of horror, I do take the stance that many  adoptive parents are also victimized by these unethical agencies.  An agency that will lie to a birthmother, that will lie to the public, will often lie to adoptive parents as well. I’m Ok in saying I do not trust AGC to fully disclose Camden’s situation to prospective parents. I  mean, how could they! Unless a potential family is willing to be publicly known as horrible like the Capobiancos, this whole sad situation with Camden is not anything that a good family would want to be part of. It’s not what adopting is supposed to be. It’s not supposed to be keeping a mother away from her child simply because one CAN.

Another Failed Placement  for Camden by AGC?

I don’t know what the outcome of the letter will be. I know they received it Monday afternoon as I had it signed for. I already promised them in the letter that I would NOT contact them again and so, I will keep my word, and I will not. No picture sharing. No Press Releases. This isn’t harassment. This isn’t stalking. It was just a nice handwritten letter explaining to them some things that they have the right to know about the child in their care so they can make the best choices for their family. And yes, I feel bad knowing that I  ruined their day inconvenienced them and made them wonder. While I might be a professional bubble buster, I get no joy from it.

But I do thank them for telling me what was needed to know; we know where Camden is not. Thank you! Oh, and I am supposed to say how sorry I am for thinking that you could have been a possible placement for Camden. I’m not really sorry as it was a legitimate mistake. Unfortunately, this is what Adoption by Gentle Care has forced to have happen by their continued treatment of Carrie and Camden. They have already proven to us here that they do not know how to be truthful and that they do NOT have the best interests of anyone at the forefront of their actions, so I can’t help your frustration. In fact, I cannot even address it.

I will simply say that as already stated as as I wrote to this family; I am sorry and this is not harassment. I gave no one their names, no pictures, and sent ONE LETTER. As far as their religious and community associations, I certainly have nothing to say in a negative manner expect, again, a warning how it might be used against them.  

By the way, though, did you happen to see the re-Tweet that Adoption by Gentle Care’s DIRECTOR Trina Saunders sent out? I know she was having a fine old time poking at us because we were wrong, but I wonder if you consider this “disparaging”?

Meanwhile, I , and of course, his mother, ache for poor Camden. I’m not sure why (if) he was moved again to the fourth family and why they did so now when the case is being appealed and the legal risk for any adoptive family is far from over.  Of course, now another possible family has put their heart out on the line and is possibly involved. They are now open to be hurt. Is this the right thing to do to people? Is this looking out for their clients best interests? Maybe the opportunity presented itself to AGC? I know that legally, for this agency, it looks better IF they have a family in the wings. But it must be questioned;  do we move children around based on how it helps an agency legally or do we move children into new homes because they need new homes when their own parents cannot care for them? Only one of these is the right answer.

Four Homes in a 7 Month Long Life?

It stands to reason that this move cannot be good for Camden. At least he had some stability with the foster family that cared for him. Not to say that there is anything potentially wrong with the new family at all, but we know, all child welfare advocates know, that permanency is what is best for children. Granted,  he should have been back in Carri’s arms the first week in April, but AGC choose to not do the right  and humane thing to rescind the relinquishment as they had the power to do. They choose to place that child in foster care and now, perhaps, they have chosen to move him again. They can do that. They legally own this child.

I just cannot see how any child placement agency can even think that this is OK for any baby, much less a child with special needs.   We have the American Academy of Pediatrics stating that we must assume all adopted children have trauma and this does not even begin to really touch on standard domestic newborn placement, but talks much more to children repeatedly moved about – much like Camden.

Then there is so much support of Nancy Verrier‘s Primal Wound  … especially by the many adult adoptees who have said it is true for them.

“A child separated from its mother at the beginning of life, when still in the primal relationship to her, experiences what I call the primal wound. This wound, occurring before the child has begun to separate his own identity from that of the mother, is experienced not only as a loss of the mother, but as a loss of the Self, that core-being of oneself which is the center of goodness and wholeness. The child may be left with a sense that part of oneself has disappeared, a feeling of incompleteness, a lack of wholeness. In addition to the genealogical sense of being cut off from one’s roots, this incompleteness is often experienced in a physical sense of bodily incompleteness, a hurt from something missing.

Any injury to the basic goodness of Self interferes with healthy, phase-adequate ego development, resulting in premature ego development and a reluctance to trust others to “be there.” Recent studies in brain development tell us that one’s environment and one’s perceptions of the environment influence the way in which the neurons of the brain connect. There will be a difference between the environment of security and safety of being with the mother with whom an infant was prenatally bonded, and the anxiety and uncertainty of being with biological strangers (who may also leave at any time). The trauma of being separated from the mother, therefore, results in patterns of behavior, emotional responses, and the sense of Self and others, which will be different from that which would have occurred had there been no trauma.”

No wonder adoptees have a four times risk of suicide and are a much bigger population represented in both mental health treatment and prison than they should be statistically based on numbers.

Above all else.. my heart continues to break for this little guy. I just imagine a cute chubby little baby now, trying to learn to crawl, eating more foods, all with perhaps partial blindness and wondering what the heck is going on. Who are all these new people? These new smells. These new sounds? This new bed? How can he even know what is happening to him. And above all else… in his little self… wondering where is his mother? Heck, he  isn’t even about to comprehend what a mother is, what that love is like, what being really loved and cared for feels like.

The truth is that Adoption by Gentle Care has made sure that to this day, Camden has never had a mother. They have done all that they can to keep her away for no good reason except that is what they want to do.

But it is not a game. It’s a real life baby. His life is being messed with. He is begin damaged and some of this trauma and loss will stay with him for life.  Where is he now? Is it family number four? Will he go back to family number three? Will he end up with yet another family, number five, before he is even a year on this earth? Tell us again how you are so concerned about the welfare of children? Is that ALL children? Or just NOT Camden? Or do you compromise the best interests of children (and adoptive families and mothers) based on YOUR needs to make a mother suffer because you hate her for daring to question your actions and fight you?

Meanwhile, we actually have NO IDEA where Camden IS, yet again. But he HAS been moved at least to three other homes after leaving Carri.  No matter where he is – that’s just inhumane and damaging to this poor baby.

Or maybe, just maybe, we can get him home with his mother and family where he belongs.

Please consider donating to the #BringCamdenHome Legal Fund.