In my mind, I find myself thinking. On the way to work, during the day, at night lying in bed. And I find the need to talk about it, too…just like adoption.
My best friend is currently in a mental health facility. That’s the nice way of putting it of course, the PC way, which I am not, even if it is my best friend. When I talk to her, we joke about her being in the nut house.
Of course, it is no joking matter and I am really worried for her..which is why it is occupying my time and mind. I worry about her, I worry about her family..she has a husband and two kids. And while there were moments when I was less than fond of the man she married, I got over my jealousy at him being the sun and the moon to her and taking my place as her main person in her life a long time ago ..so really, he is a pretty good guy. None of them deserve this.
Of course, no one really deserves anything BAD that happens to them…unless they are evil and rapists or choose to rob banks, etc. She is doing some really dumb and socially “bad” things, but I don’t think she is really “choosing” them. I feel it is more of the illness talking..taking hold.
I can’t remember when she was started medication. I know there were issues before her daughter was born..so that’s like 13/14 years ago now. She’s been off meds, on different ones, back to therapy though the years. It runs in her family…manic depression…her dad has it, I think her brother too? Yeah, she has always been a bit high strung, demanding at times..even exhausting.
What kind of throws me is the paradox. MY family was the crazy ones. I had the dysfunctional childhood. It always felt like they looked down on me, but really we were just more open with our issues..a more comfortable crazy, more real. And maybe we just got it out earlier..where her family fell apart later on. But, I tell you..if you looked at our lives..what I lived though, what she did…the bets would have been on me landing in the mental health institution and being denied the pink razor to shave my legs.
It’s a waiting game now. Can she be kept safe from herself until the medication starts to work. I am glad they managed to convince her to stay there as she was suppose to be able to check herself out yesterday. Can she NOT do anything else really stupid before she realizes that it is not her husband that is making her unhappy, not her boring life..which really is not boring.., not the fat boyfriend that will make it all better, but the chemicals that are all misfiring in her head. I kept on telling her that she just can’t do anything yet..which of course is making her more nuts as she keeps on wanting to know the right thing to do..but she is all…crazy thinking. Just give the meds time so she can have a real base to see things.
It’s very frightening when you actually have a conversation with someone about what messes up your kids more..abandonment or if she just killed herself. I voted that to abandon them is better. At least then, she still has time..and another chance to get control again. But, I hope for all their sake, she can just wait. Not do anything HUGE now..of course the affair is bad enough, but I really do think that it is all symptomatic of the illness. She had manic breakthroughs where she couldn’t stop buying sunglasses, and then it was shoes…so new man is not that much off when you are that bad. And she is..it’s bad.
My hat is off to her hubbie…he is doing what he needs to do. He is being there for their kids, he is wanting her to get better, but the poor guy has been kicked in the gut hard.
Say a prayer for him..will you. Say one for her..send her healing thoughts and some time..of you have a few extra minutes in your day…she needs more time.
Time to let the medication work and her to get back to reality. It was a pretty good place, and I just can’t believe it was so bad that all this is logical. I know it wasn’t. I think once she is able to not have the disease running her life, she will be very grateful it was preserved.
I can hope.
Claud, I’ve been reading your blog for a while, but this is my first comment. This post hit home for me, I grew up in a home with a bipolar mom. I was 12 years old the first time she spent time in a mental facility. I’m so sorry your friend suffers from this, it is truly a devastating disease. And my heart goes out to her, her husband, and especially her kids. And to you, because I know it must be incredibly hard to love someone, but not quite know how to help them.
I don’t really pray but i will do my version of praying for all of them and you
Meg
not that it is the same but having 2 BIL that are Manic Depressive and a FIl and a SIL….I get how you feel and what you say…and it always hurts except for those rare occasions when the meds work ad the playing feild is leveled for that brief time…
Oh Claud,
I’m sorry. I know this must hurt you too. I’ll say a prayer for her and for her husband. Yes, she needs time. I’ll pray for more time. I know you must be scared so I’ll pray for you too.
It seems more and more people are going crazy…. I wonder what it is our society is doing to screw us all up… whether it is to our environment or to the chemicals in our brain.
I have lots of friends who go in and out of mental facilities… and I’ve had the same thought of comparisons… Maybe to express it is better than to keep it all in. And, I hate myself for saying this… but maybe its the really rough situations in our life (especially early on) which has made us stronger.
i can relate to this mom friend of yours. only the last place i would go is the so called nut house.
most young single moms like me cannot risk asking for help. they just turn around and take the kids.
mental illness is so scary. and sometimes the system that was set up to help you, messes you up too.
there has got to be a better way then pumping pills and locking ppl up, and taking away what little power you have.
I’m writing something about that erika….it may be a bit…
-rox
((Claud))
I know it is scary, but I really think the fact that she’s TALKING about which is worse–suicide or abandonment–is sort of a good sign. A sign that she is being at least semi real with herself. If she were having the thoughts and stuffing them, not talking about them, they’d just fester and make her even more prone to act impulsively on them. (Not that she is in the clear from that, but… I think this is a good step, good sign.)
Also… promiscuity/loose sexual behavior is a symptom. A very real symptom.
Her husband sounds like a good guy. The fact that he didn’t just up and leave already makes him a gem. That will help her, even if eventually the marriage falls apart. It sounds like at least in the very midst of the crisis, he can pull through for the kids and her, that he’s not booking it right when everyone needs him most.
And she’s got you.
Good friends, good husband, kids… all very positive signs for her being able to pull through this.
I am so sorry for what your friend is going through. My mother suffers from a depressive illness and periodically ends up in mental hospitals. My grandfather was schizophrenic. I know that their world is so very real to them. It sounds like your friend is getting good help and like people will watch over her until the meds kick in.
holy f**k – why didn’t you call me… i knew the boob thing was not a good clue.. call me, when can take a hike down there if you like.
Claud: The hell with everything else in her life right now. Lets just pray to get her into reality. Takes a lot more than those meds. Hopefully, she will stay in for as long as necessary. Trouble is everyone is so caring and wants her to be home and well. She cant be that right now.
Mental Illness is the lost soul who needs prayers.
Hey You.
Had to reach you through your blog, since aol seems not to work. As long as I have known you (that’s about 25 years, Missy)you have always been there for each other. You have somehow managed to keep it all together with everything you have been through. I know we haven’t really spoken in a while, but I’ve always been proud of your strength from afar. I know she is going to need a bit of that now, and your friendship, too.
Good thoughts, and love, from an old friend of you both.
XO
CD