I had to get gas and at the gas station, I realized that my bank card was in my denim jacket pocket. I was, of course, wearing my nice brown blazer since I was on my way to Lobby. Killed the timing, which would have been ok before that, but oh well…I was meeting with three others in my group, and I knew where to go this time, so I missed the first appointment.

Or should I say, we. Garin, who is fascinated with Albany as they have a skate park he was dying to try out, went with me. He started campaigning for the whole day with a friend. I had to explain to him that this day was MY TURN to do something for me..and I didn’t want to share. Eventually, I did compromise and agreed that if he Lobbied with me all morning, I would forgo lunch and let him skate till I was done. It was actually pretty cool to have him involved in “mommy’s stuff”. And you know what, the kid has a good grasp of adoption issues!

My Lobby mates today were a local older adoptee woman who has been reunited with extended family since both of her natural parents are dead. I liked her a lot. No nonsense and we had some good eye rolling communication going on. The other couple I was with were so very sweet. D was my age and had just found out she was adopted last year at age 37! Needless to say, it rocked her world. When someone asked her if she was upset with her adoptive parents for keeping it a secret, she replied “Was??” Also interesting was that due to finding out she was adopted, her previous interest in adopting a child went completely wayword..and because of that and her age, she made the decision to have a natural child of her own NOW. So she had a lovely baby belly and her very supportive husband. They were both so well spoken and articulate and sympathetic with the belly and no medical history for this babe to be.

So the first appointment with the assembly member I missed. It was a good one, I guess she was a real piece of work, in a good way, and jumped on the bandwagon even without me! Success.

So next we went to see a Brooklyn guy who had very little time with us. We could have talked more to his aide, but the aide had already let on that he was adopted by his step mother and had a rather unfavorable way of mentioning his “biological mother who he has not seen since age 5” so we let that one go. The eye rolling and expression communication came into play there.

Mostly we met with the aids of the Senators or Assembly members. And most are young, and nice. A few have real questions, but there was a lot of yeses and ummming..which doesn’t really mean anything. Two more Senators themselves though one was rushed, but all and all. Not too bad.

And then right before lunch. Senator Seland from Poughkeepsie..right across the river from me. He was in my restaurant a few months ago. He has a perspective bill of his own…which basically means that anyone adopted AFTER his bill gets passed will have access to their OBC, but everyone before….screwed. Think MA and their bogus bill and imagine how pathetic it is. He wasn’t there but his aide..oh his aide. I wanted to choke her.
The big opposition that is faced with any open records legislation is the “promised confidentiality” for the natural parents. The NCA has NOT bothered NY yet…they have their hands full right now with MA and Maine, etc. So what we have to dispense is with the mythology of the “secret shameful I moved on with my life mother” This woman spent all this time carefully explaining that even though no true promises or contracts can be found but because a mother chooses to sign her rights away that make her a stranger to the child, and because the adoptees amended BC gives them the full rights to inheritance and all like any other child “as if born too” than that IMPLIES confidentiality. I called bullshit on that one.
She also tried to tells us that “many moms ( though she threw around the B term even after I told her that I preferred natural) wanted closed adoptions and to move on with their lives and not look back” This was based on “lawyers she talked to”. Never mind that I was a mother and speaking about mothers….I didn’t know the lawyers knew it all. She was referring to adoptions now, where moms might think they want that, but I thought she meant the older moms…and in which case I got out my handy copy of “The Girls who Went Away” and told her I would give her this fabulous book if she could promise that she would read it. And yeah, I went to slide it across the big table to her, and yes I was pissed, so it flew..and almost hit her…now ever to be known as the woman I threw the book at! No, she didn’t take it and I still have my book,
She claimed that she had gone to adoption conferences, but when asked she refused to tell. She claimed that she was well versed, but then admitted that she was more involved with foster situations..so no wonder she thought so highly of moms. Do I look like a child beating, crack whore?? She was awful..and she knew it and refused to budge.

Then we had Bradley from White Plains. He was a funny guy and on our side, but kept harping on how he didn’t like a Veto contact clause. That it would criminalize adoptees who, like some adoptee friends of his, had a great need to find out their roots and might have to break the clause. Eventually, we ended up closing it out with him saying that he won’t sponsor, but will vote yes since he does believe in it, but finds the bill language faulty. He was all like it is not necessary..and we were all like but, if we don’t have this I then it won’t get passed. I was very happy that I had some new notes on NSW which had their 20 year findings on Open Records..and said…“yeah, you are right, but they nay sayers don’t know that. We have to have the clause to make them all feel good, and when it all works out and open records are not the evil that the world thinks, then in 20 years, we can sit her and I will tell you that yeah, you are right, we don’t need the veto clause anymore”

The last aide we say was a nice guy reminded me of my Uncle Mike. He had no clue what his Senator felt about it, but did say that no one was opposing this stuff yet. He was interested in what CA and TX were doing. His feeling was that this stuff was “messy” because it upset the family order. I was the only one but I thought I heard him say he was an adoptive parent??

It’s really funny as so many of them have a different way about seeing us Lobby folk. Some have questions, some get stuck on one aspect, some have no clue, but are open ..I like them best..easy to win over. The last guy was very casual and chatty, but had specific questions. Sucks when you cannot answer them. I hate it when they ask nitty gitty political questions. I don’t get Capitol Hill. I know adoption.

R, the husband and daddy to be, was really nice. We were talking abut how different some of the approaches must be…play it their way….kind of tune into their “style”. Some kind of sink into the personal sympathetic stories, but that, I think, only works and tells these politicians what might be good for one person. I tend to keep my story quieter and stick with facts and stats and historical references. For course, then they end up asking me the questions..and I choke. It’s funny as I think that they all tend to think I am an adoptee, as no on ever guesses my age and assumes I could have an 18 year old reunited adopted child. I like to let them think that and when they say something very silly about a natural mom…one of those, “but they move on” then I bust it out…no we don’t move on, no I have never forgotten my son, I don’t want to be protected from him and do I look like someone to be protected from?
Anyway, it was nice when R said that I have a good way with this. I was straight to the point, but I was funny too and got them to like us. It’s my obnoxious sarcastic wit you know. I am a New Yorker afterall.

All and all, a good exhausting day, I rewarded myself and drank a full beer!
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Update:
On a side note….my phone just rang and it was the “woman I threw the book at”..Oh my!!! She asked me the name of Flesser’s book….I do beleive she intends to read it?? And assured me that she was still thinking about the issue. Me thinks I shall follow up her follow up with more resources.