Musings of the Lame; An Adoption Blog

Ways to Ruin an Adoption Reunion I

It often seems like a birthmother does not come out directly and say NO during a reunion. Of course, there are too many that do, but then there are a whole slew that just seem to fail miserably in the process of an active reunion. Meaning, on the outside, birthmother and adoptee have some contact, but due to her own damage, or expectation, or limitations, or personal boundaries and fears, over years and sometimes decades, the adoptee finds that the whole relationship feels unsatisfying. I completely understand that what one part might find “acceptable” in a reunion, the other party might really be left wanting way more. Let this go on for too long and what was an initial “yes” can turn into a ” I can’t take this anymore”.


What is a Successful Adoption Reunion?

Let’s face it ; we all love a good adoption reunion story. The media loves a reunion story. Most people off the street love a reunion story. In AdoptionLand, we especially enjoy hearing that another family separated by adoption has managed to beat the industry rules and find their way home. We marvel at the similarities and “near misses”. We get teary eyed seeing the cries of joy and the airport hugs. Yet, what happens after that first contact, that first find, that first phone call, that first hug is really where the determination of “success” comes into play.
So what does an adoption reunion look like when it works?


The Center for Bioethics and Culture

Center for Bioethics and Culture
I have heard from more than a few good sources that many adoption attorneys are making most of their money through surrogacy agreements these days. In my opinion, the only difference between adoption relinquishment and surrogacy is that one pregnancy is usually unplanned and one pregnancy is planned. In either case, someone is getting paid for the separation of a mother and her genetic creation, her child.



Surrender and Subordination: Birth Mothers and Adoption Law

This article analyzes the provisions in a collection of birth mother surrender documents assembled by the author—seventy-five mid-twentieth century documents executed in twenty-six different states. In order to establish the significance of the surrender document provisions with respect to these claims, the article first relates depictions by birth mothers of a journey from silence to legislative advocacy. The article then examines the conflicting claims about birth mothers that pervade legislative contests over adult adoptee access to original birth certificates. Finally, the article analyzes the provisions of the surrender documents. The analysis of the provisions definitively supports birth mother advocates’ reports that women were neither offered a choice of nor guaranteed lifelong anonymity. Their opponents’ contentions to the contrary, whether motivated by concern for birth mothers or other interests, reinscribe an earlier culture of shame and secrecy, subordinating women’s own wishes and silencing their newly raised voices.


Numbers in Adoption Reunions; How Many People Get Told NO?

I have had a few people tell me that I should stop saying it because by perpetuating that reunion rejection by a birthmother is rare, then it sets up adoptees for disappointment when they are rejected. I can understand that. Yet, as I tried to explain, the factual research that I have available DOES really indicate that less than 1% of relinquishing mothers opt for no contact when given the choice.Of course, we do face the fact that any adoption research is never 100% accurate due to the fact that there is no one agency that oversees or even counts the numbers of adoptions and would enable the entire population of people affect by adoption to be counted.Yet, I would say that about half the adoptees I know struggle with have an nonexistent or unsatisfactory relationship with their found mothers. Why such a difference?


Don’t Poke the Rainbow Farting Unicorns on Twitter

Now, we must remember she is a former ABORTIONIST PROFESSIONAL, so she’s must KNOW better than I about things like MY LIFE. Especially as there must be GOD on her side!
Please tell me what to do. After all, I have had many years of training being a “good birthmother” Yes, yes, perhaps I just need an adoption Kool-Aid booster shot? Give it to me, Abby! I’m just JONESING hardcore for that Adoption Kool-Aid! Yum..Pro-Life flavor!! My fav-o-rite!



Gazillion Voices

Gazillion Voices will be an adoptee-led magazine focusing on topics and issues important to the adoption community and beyond. Currently, while Kevin teases us with posts and excerpts from the inaugural issue, there is a KickStarter campaign going to defray the costs of creating a real magazine! I was thrilled and did not hesitate at all when Kevin asked me if I would consider being part of the LGA team.


Adoptees Wanted for Social Media Search Exposure

Do you know adoptees searching, either using the Facebook images, preferably with many shares and attention, or willing to go social, who are emotionally ready and willing to go public? Who really needs the help with exposure? Who can handle the sensation filming? Who can represent?



My Conflicts in AmericaAdopts and CandadAdopts

I am already well trained to ignore the lovely smiling photos of hopeful couples waiting to adopt. There are many of them, so lots of glancing about for me, trying to find a safe place to rest my eyes. I scan for copy, rather than cheesy grins, and pass over the glorified bios that shout “Pick me, Pick me!”. It’s all bright and shiny. Everyone is happy with their best face forward. Why? Because America Adopts is NOT an adoption agency, it’s an “adoption meeting place”. Whaaaat…? Yup, think dating site, but for knocked up chicks thinking about adoption!


Nominations Open for CCAI’s “Angels in Adoption” Awards

Perhaps it can be considered our own fault that past recipients of the Angels in Adoption Awards are NOT people from our part of AdoptionLand. I think we should change that. At least we will have more cause to complain if we are actually nominating people that WE think make a difference, rather than watching and grumbling when some other celebrity adoption makes more news.