Musings of the Lame; An Adoption Blog

Community, Cultural Views on Adoption, Rants and Raves June 5, 2013

We Should Pay MUCH More Attention to Korea Adoption Reform

Horray for Working together for adoption reform!By 2015, adoption agencies in Korea will NO LONGER be allowed to run unwed mothers facilities, mothers MUST have one week AFTER giving birth before they relinquish and single mothers get additional support to parent.

In contrast, almost every single one of the US adoption groups supports OBC access for adult adoptees and has, for the most part, since they were begun..some in the 1970’s. They made more progress in 5 years in Korean than we have managed to do in the past 40 plus years in the USA.

Because they worked together. Can I say that again? They work together. And now, I shall rant.

The Bible Has Adoption all wrong

Cultural Views on Adoption, Rants and Raves June 4, 2013

How the Church Views of Adoption and the Bible are all Wrong

I have just read so many Bible verses about Orphans that my head is ready to spin. And almost ALL of them are not just about the CHILDREN, but include the lines “the Widows and Orphans” or instead speak of “the fatherless” meaning , I would assume, single mothers. So how come devote Bible quoting folks can so easily IGNORE the word of God that clearly says CARE FOR THE WIDOW? How come only the CHILD’s soul is worth saving? How come we can’t save the mother’s soul too?
I would think that “Thou Shall Not Covet Thy Neighbor’s Child” falls in there. Right? So if the Bible says to not desire to TAKE the widows child, and to help her, perhaps save her soul too? Especially, one would think, when the mother/widow has “chosen life” and should be rewarded somehow for not having the evil abortion? Like isn’t she half way there already?

Why we need churches in adoption

Cultural Views on Adoption, Rants and Raves June 3, 2013

The Adoption Community NEEDS the Churches

I think that many folks in adoption land were injured by the church and have also walked away from the conventions of organized religion. After all, Catholic Charities, Lutheran Services, Salvation Army, the LDS church, etc. all had a strong hand in the relinquishment experience for many mothers of the Baby Scoop Era. And, many adoption agencies today still have strong religious affiliations. God is often used to justify adoptions and let’s face it, that makes many of us angry again all over. So we have understandable separated ourselves from it. Big mistake.

What I have begun to understand by reading The Child Catchers is that we have hurt ourselves with this stance. I’m just as guilty as any. I, living in nice liberal blue state of New York purposely mock and laugh at things like “creationism” or “Christian Rock” and are very critical of the values that morph into policy such as abstinence only policy and the whole Right to Life movement. I know I have, and I think many of us do, separate ourselves as an “us versus them”, seeing all people with Christian values as purposefully ignorant and not worth paying attention to. This attitude is wrong.

The Child Catchers

Adoption News, Adoption Truth, Cultural Views on Adoption, Rants and Raves June 2, 2013

The Child Catchers- Rescue, Trafficking and the New Gospel of Adoption

It was with great anticipation that I waited for The Child Catchers. Sadly, while we can all blog, and self publish, and get memoirs going, the “non biased” pen of the non adoption affected if often needed to bring the anecdotal facts home for the general public. It’s like they can’t believe “us”, probably because they do not want to, and dismiss it as “your experience” believing us “too close” to see the full picture. Making Kathryn’s eyes, her words, like balm on the ever oozing wound.
The Child Catchers- Rescue, Trafficking and the New Gospel of Adoption is a must read, must have on any adoption bookshelf.

Adoption News, Community, The Adoption Industry June 1, 2013

The Truth About Adoption: A Act of Love Adoption Agency Exposed by the Adoption Digger

So What Difference Does it Make That A Act of Love is a For-Profit Agency?
The bigger question is why this agency has been allowed to be a member of National Council For Adoption. Doesn’t NCFA have a vetting process for its members? Or does it simply enroll agencies that can afford its membership fees? Does NCFA even know it has a for-profit agency in its corral?

Michigans Unethical proposed adoption legislation

Adoption News, Cultural Views on Adoption May 30, 2013

A Backwards Stinking Mess with New Michigan Adoption Legislation

The Michigan Republican’s seem very proud of their efforts per their “news brief” on these adoption bills. Based on the literature, they are claiming to “will help Michigan mothers and children” and of course, how could that be a bad thing? The ( more than) five separate and quite complicated bills are being added in to the already existing maze of Michigan adoption laws on the books under the general heading of adoption. It becomes easy to see how the general public gets confused regarding all the many aspects of adoption and jumbles it up in a happy every after story mess when our leaders are so guilty of the same.

How does it feel to be in an open adoption?

Before Making an Adoption Plan, Guest Posts, Open Adoption Stories May 24, 2013

The Open Adoption Experiment

I look at the photographs of my childhood and I can see the big smiles, and all the gifts under the Christmas tree. I can see how most people would look at me and see a happy adopted 16.5 year old girl. Most people would think I am lucky to have two families, other adopted people may think I am fortunate to know my genetic history, my heritage and where I came from. But what I see is different from what other people see; I can plainly see the pain behind the smile.

Addiction and adoption

Cultural Views on Adoption, Guest Posts May 17, 2013

Adoption and the Use of Illegal Substances

Forced adoption is a drastic step; there aren’t words to express the trauma it causes to all concerned. It surely should be preserved as a last resort, a final call for those cases where children are in grave danger and need a fresh start. In the case of loving parents who also happen to use illegal substances there are almost certainly much more appropriate methods to help, if help is required.

A Birthmothers Life May 10, 2013

Societies Attitude when Birth Control Fails

“Yet whether it was an accident, ambivalence, or a careless mistake, it’s always the woman’s fault. She allowed herself to get pregnant. She couldn’t keep her legs closed”

Other women, other mothers, who have faced the surprising results on the dreaded “pee stick of doom”. But it’s not about adoption, it is in support of parenting, and parenting young. Rolling with the natural and biological results of sex, accepting a pregnancy before it’s time and the battles of birth control, but most of all the judgment that society, often other women, thrust upon us for daring to get pregnant in the first place.

marketing the business of adoption in the USA

The Adoption Industry May 8, 2013

Re-Marketing Adoption

On a foundation of good intentions and corruption, domestic infant adoption has rebranded itself thorough strategic public relations moves, market research and a well funded legislative lobby. While the public thinks sweet thoughts about adopting all those “unwanted children”, the adoption industry creates a product and cashes in on a billion dollar business.

When and "p[en adoption" really is a closed adoption.

A Birthmothers Life, Guest Posts May 6, 2013

A Typical “Open” Adoption

They agreed to send updates (letters and pictures) every 6 months until she turned 18 and kept up with that until about 3 years ago when the updates suddenly stopped. No explanation, no warning, nothing. The updates were being sent to me through CHS so I called the agency and got the run around. This, to me, is one of the most heartless and cruel things that can be done to a Mother and I’m in utter shock that this is actually happening.

Long Term Affects of Adoption Relinquishment on Marriage & Relationships

Adoption Questions and Facts, Birthmother Grief, Relinquishment, Reunions & Support May 2, 2013

Spouse of A Birthmother Asks: How Do I Tell My Children?

And like many of us affected by adoption, for a spouse of a birthmothers, it helps just to know that one is not alone, which is then altered with the desire to help others also feel that validation and acknowledgment. I do infrequently run into other spouses that wish there was more public support. Perhaps one day we will have something really good for you all. Of course, we’ll have to make it ourselves. The adoption industry probably never will, as then they will have to admit that adoption has long term affects on behalf of relinquishment.