Musings of the Lame; An Adoption Blog

Kitten Adoption Can be Very Triggering

We make it out the double glass doors and I burst into hysterical tears. Not weeping, not crying, but gut wrenching hysterical deep soul crushing sobs. Rye looks at me shocked, I am beyond all logic. I make it about ten steps to the car, and then turn around….sobbing, tears flowing down my face, I am not sure what I said. It was like I had stepped on an emotional land mind and now all this shrapnel of myself was just flying.
I had no way of knowing it, but when I had to leave my “baby” cat behind and walk out that door without turning back..I hit that place that every relinquishing mother fears. It really was an emotional land mind that exploded when I walked out that door. I wasn’t crying over the cat, it was over Max…two days old. It’s no one’s fault that this experience reenacted the worst trauma of my life, but it did. Just ripped that scab off with such a force, that it took me hours to find the place to stop the bleeding.



Irresponsible Whores or Strong Family Building Angels

She is not a saint. She is not a whore. She is a woman faced with one of the most awful concepts a mother can imagine: the willing separation of one’s child for life. Saints or sluts are not real. They are labels use to dehumanize the relinquishment experience. Both are used to separate the birthmother form the rest of the population and create impossible social contracts from which any person, birthmother of not, cannot continue to love within. The saint cannot admit to the pain and the slut does not deserve to feel the love. Polar opposites and not realistic for anyone. Not helpful for anyone. Not healthy for anyone.


Inside Out Adoption Healing

Healing Adoption Wounds seminar offers the opportunity to identify deep wounds and challenges, and use creative expression and spiritual practices to foster healing. Created and facilitated by Craig Hyman and Patrick McMahon.

WEBSITE: Inside Out Adoption


A Day of Healing at Inside Out Adoption

I was sitting on the bus, waiting to get home and I was amazed at the what ended up bubbling forth. Not that I am a skeptic on the need for healing, or finding issues, but I had really managed to convince myself that I had control of that volcano of emotion. It is a testament to both Craig and Patrick that the program they are perfecting is a very helpful tool for identifying areas that are still needing some attention. I’m coming home with a new shopping list of things that require further exploration.


All Wrong: Defense of Marriage Act and Adoption Don’t Belong Together

It’s not the “gay” that makes adoption lesser, for adoption is an equal opportunity loss provider. Children who are adopted, no matter how wonderful their gay or straight parents are, have already experienced a known harmful trauma; the breakage and separation from their original family. It’s not that they are getting substitute Daddy in place of a substitute mommy, or trading a daddy for a second mommy that is adding to the issues. It’s that the mommy and dada that they were born to have been replaced at all: period.

But that STILL has nothing to do with Marriage Equality. Nothing.


Radical Leadership for Radical Change

I’ve decided to once again stick my neck out. Because giraffes have such long necks, they always see the “bigger picture” – the bigger picture is that someday no child will have to be separated from their family of origin and no mother feel forced to give up her a child. I’m hoping that those of you who also see the bigger picture will want to become giraffes and join me. If so, think of ways that you can stick out your neck – and help to change an very archaic system.


Sandy Musser is Back in Action and Asking for Your Help

Sandy has returned to the Good Fight and is taking her place calling for action! Please join her on the Facebook on the ALARM Network group page challenging the sealed records controversy in the United States. Under her guidance the Alarm network is proposing a Federal Mandate based upon the 14th Amendment and here’s what YOU can do to help!


Share Your Adoption Story

Write a Guest Post

I have told much of my story already, but I know so many of you have a voice and a story to tell too. Maybe you don’t have a blog or don’t feel that you want that exposure, but still have something to say?

Your Voice Matters!

Please, feel free to send me your stories and I will post them here. I can give you credit or keep you unknown; whatever works for you… whatever I can to help you tell your story and share your adoption truth.


Live from Orlando…I’m on Vacation!

I’m in the middle of family building lifetime memory making week. The “kids” and I are down in Orlando, Florida for the rest of the week. I am over the moon with silly gidiness as I have been wanting to get these two down to Disney before they get too old.


Why Should We Care About the Fight to Open Adoption Records

Adoptee Rights & Access to their Original Birth Certificates

In the US, 48 states continue the practice of sealing adopted children’s original birth certificates (the OBC) upon finalization of the adoption. In all but 4 of those 42 states, adult adoptees do not have unrestricted access to their OBC like all other people do at the age of 18.

Right now, only Alaska, Kansas, Maine, New Hampshire, Oregon, and Alabama  allow unrestricted equal access to all adoptees over the age of 18.  In Rhode Island, they have restored access to all adoptees over the age of 25. Washington State,  Illinois, New Jersey, Indiana,  Colorado, Connecticut, Montana and Ohio now have had successful legislation introduced that does allow many adoptees to access their OBC’s, BUT it is not EQUAL access as they still have birth parent vetos’ in the laws ( in Ohio it;s a one yer window in time where the birth parents can have their names removed, but medical information still goes through) and that gives one party the ability to control another party.  New Jersey, Colorado and Connecticut have also recently changed their laws. Unless the adoptee’s birthparents had the knowledge that they could apply for the OBC before the adoption records were sealed, then that adoptee might never see the record of their birth and even then, the ADOPTEE as an ADULT Citizen of the US is NOT treated the same as other US citizens in regard to their legal documentation.

This is one of the many areas of adoption legislation where the states have power over making the laws. Alaska and Kansas never sealed theirs at all, but the other 48 did, some as early as the 1930’s and some not until the 70’s. Some sealed records laws, such as NY, can trace their roots back to the corrupt practices of Georgia Tann and other unscrupulous lobby groups who must have been hiding something.


Inside Out Adoption Healing Seminar NYC

Inside Out Adoption Comes to the New York City Area!
WHO: Inside Out Adoption
WHEN: Saturday, March 30, 2013 10:00am until 6:00pm
WHERE: Evan B. Donaldson Institute, 128 E. 38th St., New York, NY 10016
WEBSITE: Inside Out Adoption


Relationship Tests to Unite Relatives

There are many heart wrenching cases of children wanting to be reunited with their biological parents or relatives wanting to know whether they are truly related to a person they suspect to be their blood relatives. These people simply want and need answers to be able to find that inner peace. The not knowing who you are or where you came from can be a very distressing, life long experience.


Born Baby Wagner, Died Alyssa Rachael Toner

I did not know Alyssa Toner. What I do know, though, is that Alyssa was searching and cannot finish her search. She made the video, but it does not show up in searches for her birth date. The article about her adoption birthmother search does not seem have been published. The news stories about her death, do, right now, but as time passes, news articles like these get achieved and fall way down on the search rankings. Maybe her search will be forgotten completely. Maybe her account will be taken down, the video eventually deleted and, if her birthmother ever does decide to search, she will never find anything at all.

The message will be lost.


Life Wins Out Over Adoption

So while dealing with mothering obligations and major house construction ( did I mention we built WALLS where there were none?), I got word that the piece I had written moths ago, was scheduled for publication in the SUNDAY New York Times!