The Good in the Negative
There are many stories that are so much like mine
Other women like me, wounds that don’t heal with time
They made it clear that we had no choice
They took away our child, our life, our voice
Musings of the Lame; An Adoption Blog
Go Be Happy About Adoption, But Don’t Call Me a Bitter Birthmother
“Encouraging Discontent”? Look lady, I’m not the one going over to other people’s blogs and telling them what they should do and how they should feel like royalty and scream about “Birthmama” pride from the rooftops. That whole blog bombing with your “outrage” is not the sign of someone who is content and secure in their decision. See, this wasn’t a blog post about YOU and what YOU wish YOU knew about adoption relinquishment. It was a post about ME so I talked about what I wished and MY experiences. I never said they had to fit YOU. If it doesn’t fit you, it still fits ME and wait, what’s that, a whole lot of other people who bothered to agree in comments, but you didn’t bother reading any of them, did you? You have no right to go dismissing other people’s feelings if you want your own pint of view to be heard.
Closing Out National Adoption Awareness Month
Adoption Odds and Ends: Adoption Music, Arts, Films and Events There are ways to finish up National Adoption Awareness Month by supporting and sharing information and links to really great projects the support adoption truth. Here’s some great projects created by adoptees and the people that support them!
Craigslist: You Can’t Sell Your Baby, But You Can Advertise FOR a Baby
Now, it’s considered OK for the potential birthmother to answer an ad, but she cannot place one, because then she is selling her baby. But, in reality she IS selling her child, she’s just not getting a good deal since she is going through the middle man. Yet, as a society we are outraged that a mother might consider getting something monetarily in exchange for her child.
Greedy Adoptive Families
She looked at me and asked, “Why do people adopt a kid if they can have on of their own?”OK ,You started the adoption process, but then got pregnant. So STOP adopting. You don’t need to anymore! What do you have too much money and time invested or something?
Craigslist Adoption Truth Project Update!
Over half of the US States have TRUTHFUL adoption advertisements on Craigslist telling women of the risks of adoption relinquishment. Pick a state and add your voice to promote truthful adoption information to at risk mothers. The Adoption Industry has told us that Craigslist is the most used source for adoptive parents placing ads looking for potential Birthmothers, so we go there too!
The Weight of Adoption Baggage
I don’t pretend to know the secrets to get through this unscathed. I know there is no way not to carry this weight forever and not be affected. I know my soul will be heavy until the day I die and I expect that my eternal soul will know this loss for many lives hence. Yet, I have a measure of control, I think. We exist in a symbiotic way, my pain and I, this trauma and this hope, a sadness that fuels the fight. As of late, I find more new moms, wrecked with this pain find me, and I have little to offer, but my ramblings of what I think contributed to keeping me..me. I don’t know the answers, but I will share what I do know in hope that it perhaps, maybe, can help another navigate the journey.
Complicated Grief and Complicated Birthmother Diagnosis
It has been well documented that a birth parent that places a child for adoption experiences profound grief and loss, but does the birthmother grief and loss experience fall under a diagnosis of “complicated grief disorder” or “prolonged grief disorder”and do we want it to?
The Comforts of Home
Since apparently birthmother blogs are lacking in recipes, I’d like to change that up. In early appreciation for all in Adoptionland, I offer you my mother’s stuffing recipe. It’s insanely easy and seriously some of the best stuffing you’ll ever have. For me and I’m pretty sure for my brother too, it’s better than best..it tastes like home. It tastes like love.
The Craigslist Adoption Truth Project
The article points out that the BEST results were from Craigslist. All the other avenues of baby procurement were trickles as far as results. I’m not sure why expectant moms are turning to Craigslist for the adoptive parents of their unborn children rather, but maybe they are looking for used cribs and get sucked in by their sad stories? The fact is the article clearly tells US where WE have to go to reach moms BEFORE they answer the horrid pathetic ads and get sucked into the adoption machine. To that I say thank you very much.
Searching For Birthmothers on Huffington Post Live & AOL
I had NO IDEA that was going to happen, but it did. Ok, more exposure, right. Good for the cause and education of the masses. I ignore the stupid comments. I ignore the stupid comments. I ignore the stupid comments. Yes, that s a mantra for me, but please feel free to educated the masses. I guess they had the headlines messed up as well and I was supposed to be divorced three times?
Here’s some doozies:
“Cute, real Cute.. This is a Prime Example they have BIRTH CONTROL Girls Like her Should NOT have Children in the 1st place! That is what she should be
Thinking About Adoption Affects on the “Kept” Child
When I relinquished Max, it was suppose to be something that affected ME. The pain and loss was to be mine to bear as Max would be “better off”, his father unaware, my brother and extended family equally as clueless and my mother, well she didn’t matter.. at least I was not give pause to consider how nay one else felt. Like so many things in adoption, the professionals were wrong. Like we say, the “gift of adoption” just keep on giving and giving.. the pain has a huge ripple effect that touches every aspect of a woman’s lives including ALL our children
What Preplacement Adoption Counseling Should Look Like
Over and over we hear again, “I wouldn’t have done this if I knew it was so hard”. The intensity of grief is really glossed over. Maybe we can never truly begin to understand this until we live it, but “feelings of peace and contentment” do not come close. Maybe if adoption agency counseling warned of blind, toe numbing, soul clutching waves of grief and never ending tears that you eventually sort of get used to “living with” then we could talk. I have yet to see that on ANY agency website or in their literature. How about we just begin to include BOTH sides of the coin with their “Birthmother Testaments” so considering mothers get an idea of what COULD be the outcome.
The Fifth and Final Name by Rhonda Noonan
When the end is reached, you will not doubt the validity of her claims, for she has inherited the DNA strain that was so obvious in her famous grandfather Sir Winston Churchill, yes THAT Churchill, the British Prime Minister; she never, never, never, gave up. While Rhonda wins out in the end, The Fifth and Final Name illustrates the injustice in the closed record system while providing a strong primer of adoption truth and adoptee understanding that the non adoption affected can understand.
Reflections on the Past 25 Years as Birthmother
Here I am, 25 years later and adoption has been the single most life altering instance upon my life. It still continues to this day. If it wasn’t for adoption, I would not be here. This is a simple fact. I would be getting ready for my son’s birthday. He will be 25 tomorrow. We would have cake. Instead, we will text him and hope we can get in a call.