Media Attention of Haiti Adoption Sheds Light on Raw Adoption Truths It seemed like the minute I heard about the earthquake in Haiti, the story was linked to adoption. My poor husband, such a news junkie, started clicking away from the channels when an adoption related story came on. I had to tell him that I would not start screaming at the TV, rather, I knew and expected that when…
ess than 1% of Birthmothers in the US desire to keep their adult children at arm’s length. So out of the 6 to 8 million adult adoptees in the United States, we can assume that there are say 6 million birthmothers and .993471% want to be left alone. That comes to 39,174 birthmothers. So because of 40 thousand mothers another 6 to 8 million people and their children and their children’s children get denied medical histories, get denied their identity, get denied their truth.. for the good of 40,000?
Adoption is particularly hard because it is never something we really learn about before we find it in our lives. I know I never dreamed that one day I would grow up, have a baby, give him to other parents to raise and not see him for 19 years. I believe that is true for many adoptive parents as well. Maybe you always felt that you would eventually adopt a child, maybe you were always intrigued, maybe you thought about it long and hard, or maybe suddenly, you just felt that you were thrust into it, maybe you entered it blindly; I don’t know, but I bet, looking back now, you would say that you had no idea what the experience of adoption a child would really be like. That you think now there was no way to have planned for it all. You could not have known
I think it is that mere ideal of who I am and who I represent that make people think I must be also a threat in body because I pose a threat to ideals, most specifically to adoption related ideals. I am an adoptive parents worse nightmare. I am a rule breaking, regretful, outspoken, demanding “birth” mother.
A Look at Birthmothers, Decision Making, and Denial It was close to 10 years ago, if not more the first time I was called out on being a birthmother in denial. Max was only 13 and years away from being found and I was new to the adoption community online. I was still saying things like “Adoption was the hardest decision, but the best choice for my baby I could…
What’s in a Word: Birthmother I was asked to write a piece about why mothers who relinquished children to adoption might be upset by the use of the word birthmother by Adoption Mosaic. 700 words on a topic I know quite well, so I said no problem. And then I struggled. About 16 revisions later, and with the deadline looming, I sent off what I THOUGHT was my final version…
Somewhere, in another state, another tree that I will never see, holds pieces of my family’s heritage. I imagine that nursery schools in Massachusetts also help young student create gifts for parents out of glitter and handprints, popsicles sticks and finger paints. I can only imagine the proud joy of my 4 year old son placing his tissue wrapped creation under the tree. It might have said “mom” on the tag, but it was never meant for me.
The Family Research Council claims to have conducted MORE research for the Birthmother, Good Mother: Her Story of Heroic Redemption, but after reading the two of them entirely, I believe that this new publication is still coming off of the original study. Both reports use the same copy for the methodology and both have the same research group, with the same number of participants in the same age ranges. I see Birthmother, Good Mother: Her Story of Heroic Redemption as a modified piece that demonstrates the actual twisting of the mind of a women experiencing an unplanned pregnancy. It’s really like a “How to Create an Kool-Aide Drinking Happy Birthmother” guide. It’s really rather frightening. I’m not sure whether women are really that easily manipulative or we are just really stupid for falling for this. Or maybe it’s just all internal and they have managed to tap into it. All I can tell you is that this feels like reading the inside of my brain during the whole adoption process.
In 1999, the Family Research Council In conjunction with the National Council for Adoption conducted research to understand the factors involved in considering adoption and how best to present adoption as a viable option for women. The Missing Piece: Adoption Counseling in Pregnancy Resource Centers by Curtis J. Young is the result of that study.
Prime Time Reality Show Looking for Adoptees and their Sisters I’m just a passing this on….I DO encourage peope to DO these sorts of things, not becasue you want to be on TV, but becasue the more TURE stories out there.. the more it helps. PLEASE remember to SUPPORT ADOPTEE RIGHTS if, you know, you happen to go for it. Mentioning on TV the reality of adoptees sealed records could…
I’m in the midst of it all: Adoption Trauma week or better known the Season of Max. So here it is; it’s November. The week from hell. Trying to remain “normal”, but feeling so very tightly strung up as if I could break or snap at any moment. Tired, impatient, restless, annoyed, teary, over excited, sad. Friday: Finish another long week, and promptly get into a stupid agreement with Rye…
How to Describe Life as BirthMother? I love it when someone else reaches inside and pulls out their heart to show us. This is a good read. Well done. This part: “…it was too hard for her to feel so much, and she has let go now. We know each other, but we pretend not to feel anything. She is there, but impenetrable.I have vowed to be different. To…
It’s no secret that I LOVE Halloween. We spend weeks decorating. Seriously, I used to control myself until October 1st, now it’s back to school and get out the Halloween boxes. I actually spin the spider webs on my porch like a spider would. It takes me hours. I don’t even think Martha Stewart does THAT! Ok, she does, but mine ARE SERIOUSLY way MORE BETTER! I have more backlights than…
#Occupy Kingston Fights Back with the BEST DENTIST EVER! I might be living on the Wall Street in Kingston, New York; but for over 30 days now my heart has been on the OTHER Wall Street in NY. It’s firmly there, occupying, protesting and standing up for being one of the 99%. People say that the protests make no sense. People say that the list of demands is confusing and…
Uptown Kingston Fire 181 Wall Street My street feels like it is in mourning. This past Monday there was a fire in a house down the street in the middle of a beautiful post Hurricane Irene afternoon. Only a half hour before the fire broke out, Rye called me at work to say that he had gotten called down the fire house. The volunteers were helping to control the flooding,…