Still No Hard Answers to Friend or Foe; Maybe it’s Neither?

So one day, I was Googling different adopting keywords as I often might do. This is the bane of being a trained SEO professional and blogger. I worry about my keyword rankings. Anyway, I saw a new URL coming up above me for “Birthmother Blogs”.

Now the first listing is the New York Times and that’s Ok for two reasons. One, it’s the mutherfucking New York Times and they will out rank anyone as they should. Second, I wrote the article, so essentially, it’s still my listing. I move on.

But then, after the NYT, is AmericaAdopts. com, before this site and Lorraine’s (Birth Mother) First Mother Forum. (usually FMF and MOTL go back and forth between #2 and #3- all good)  So I follow the link to see this “birthmother blog list” and, like any  good SEO, see if I can get a link there.

Pleasantly Surprised America Adopts?

I see this list of, well, birthmother blogs. And I am already on the list and wow, so are a lot of other really GOOD blogs. Like not all rainbow farts and unicorns blogs, but real adoption truth blogs.  Now, my link happens to be the old one to Musings of the Lame when it was hosted on Blogger, so now there is a big redirect. In SEO world, that’s not good. So I do what any professional like myself should, I send an email with the new clean URl and a better, more keyword rich name, to their info email.

Meanwhile, I continue to look at the site. What is this “America Adopts” site anyway?

I am already well trained to ignore the lovely smiling photos of hopeful couples waiting to adopt. There are many of them, so lots of glancing about for me, trying to find a safe place to rest my eyes. I scan for copy, rather than cheesy grins, and pass over the glorified bios that shout “Pick me, Pick me!”.  It’s all bright and shiny. Everyone is happy with their best face forward. Why? Because  America Adopts is NOT an adoption agency, it’s an “adoption meeting place”.  Whaaaat…?

Think Dating Site, But For Knocked Up Chicks

Yes, one of the nasty side effects of social media is this whole “adoption social networking” thing.

I have seen quite a handful of these sites popping up in recent years. You know how back in the day, if someone on Adoption.com posted they were “Pregnant and Thinking Adoption”, they would get like 200 private messages from the hopeful parents? And you know how people became to understand that this was both overwhelming to a confused woman and also, you know, perhaps, unethical and sites started staying that it was NOT allowed anymore? And you know how everyone keeps on saying that you can avoid agency fees,  rather than demanding that agencies take the huge profits out of adoption,  by going down the “private adoption route?   Yeah, that all gave birth to these type sites. It’s a legitimate place to troll for babies, but it’s flipped so the birthparents get to do all the picking.

OK, stop vomiting for a hot minute.

I go to the “pregnant?” pages first as I can usually tell fairly quickly what kind of place I am at; friend of foe?

Is This Accurate Information on AmericaAdopts?

Now granted, it’s NOT perfect, but there is actually some bits of realism in these pages! Better than most other “Information about Adoption” sites out there! I mean when have you seen sentences like these that are NOT on one of “our” blogs or sites?

• Most people choose adoption as a result of an unplanned pregnancy. But it’s not their first choice. They usually come to it indirectly, after exhausting their other aptions like terminating their pregnancy or parenting.
• But no matter how you look at it, adoption still involves pain and loss.
• As an expectant parent who is considering adoption, the process is free for you, whether go through with your plan or not.
• Over time the pain may fade, but it never goes away. On birthdays, family celebrations, and life’s milestones, it tends to get more acute.

Again, it’s not perfect, but for once, I see at least a real attempt at using non coercive language and truthful adoption information. There is no “Birthmother ” this and “birthmother” that when speaking to the pregnant ones.  Even the “Do’s and Don’ts”  page has some accurate bits in there.

So, I go over to the “Hoping to Adopt” section and check to see if their language or vein changes much. And I am still kind of impressed to see some truthful information given out to prospective adoptive parents, such as this “Signs She May Change Her Mind”

And then, because I’m still a bit, wow… look at this list. I go post it on Facebook.

To wit, it is pointed out by Triona that  it might be a good Birthmother blog list, but there isn’t an adoptee blog list. Of which, when I get a reply email from Lawrence Morton, the founder of AmericaAdopts,  I mention the Adoptee Blog part. Now at this point I am being very nice to Laurence, because the site, it actually isn’t as horrible as many adoption sites are. So he’s nice back and we’re rather chummy  and all. He asks me if I could link to the site and I say:

“Funny.. I was just thinking.. Oh, I don’t think I CAN link back to the site.. I was expecting it to NOT fit my personal criteria of “truthful” information, and I am really happy and surprised to see that I am wrong.  I give you a wow. In fact.. I think.. while I am not in any way a proponent of adoption, you are getting some things right.. and you get more than a link. You get post!”

Yes, we have already established that I am open and trusting to everyone. Yes, we know that I am a horrible “anti-adoptionist” for talking nicely to people as I should immediate tell all to just fuck off.  I’m a suck up. I got a fence up my ass. Call me Miss Perma Wedgie Pants. Yadda yadda. I got more. Shush.

The Adoption Hive Mind: Strength in Number

Anyway, back on Facebook , we continue to have a lively discussion about WHY this seemingly I-benefit-from-adoption-website might be interested in having real accurate information on their website. I’m not going to pull the whole thing here as it is long. If you want to read it, then go to my personal timeline and find the posts from July 5th. I have highlighted the discussion.

So first we have the fact that they have no adoptee blogs, and Laurence’s answer to that “I’ve found that most of our readers are hopeful adoptive parents interested in open adoption, so that’s more or less who our site caters to. Most of the adoptee bloggers that I’ve come across write about closed adoptions and are not really interested in sites like ours to begin with,” was deemed kind of lame.

I will be fair and report that he also said,  “That said, if you know of any who have experiences in open adoption or write about it, please let me know. I’ve been looking for their blogs for a while and would love to add them to our site”.

Then, Danielle shared her experience writing a guest post for AmericaAdopts. It did not go smoothly, even though she had a truthful story to tell as there was editing that twisted her words  and change the meaning. There is a complete breakdown of the edits made by AmericaAdopts on her  birthmother post as well. And I was also warned: “The guy who runs it seems super nice, but he definitely was a monster to deal with in the end. I had to block him completely since he was being so nasty.”

And then more jewels of insight and wisdom: “They also spam blogs around about the time national adoption month happens asking bloggers to promote the adopters.”

First Mistake? Messing with the Community

I really do wonder if these folks realize that we ACTUALLY TALK TO EACH OTHER? I mean, I probably would have just  keep harping on the lack of adoptee blog list and found a way to make sure one was included if I hadn’t heard about the other behaviors.  But, my spider senses are now tingling and I want to know the deal. What’s the story behind this AmericAdopts Website?

I do what I do best when it comes to Adoption. I dig. I google. And I share what I find.

Who is Lawrence Morton?

Basics are easy to find.  Lawrence Morton is an adoptive father to two children from Toronto. He is a co-founder of this AmericaAdopts and its Canadian counterpart CanadaAdopts. Canada is clearly the first site. It looks much older design wise and is peppered with “birthmother”. I found an 2009 article that states  “His site’s been up since 2001 and makes about six matches a year.”

Interestingly enough Lawrence is also on the board on The Adoption Council of Canada. I would say that perhaps the ACC is the Canadian version of the NCFA, but they seem to be MUCH more enlightened and aware of real issues, support open access, etc. So not an issue, really.

Google fails me soon after this. Even looking up more information on “AmericaAdopts” yields little except some clear attempts at listing the site all over the place. I call that “acquiring your internet real estate”. It’s a branding, online reputation, SEO link building tactic.  I’m pretty sure Lawrence knows about SERPs and cares about his rankings, too.

So I move on.

I Follow the Money

Even if we give the site the benefit of the doubt and take what is said at face value  (AKA He believe in open adoption, wants to make it easier for folks to connect, wants to be honest and truthful); I know that it’s really hard to spend all this time for no value.  Where’s the connection? Why is Laurence doing this? What is he benefitting from all this “connection”. Like any good dating site, someone pays for the privilege of the hooking up.

America Adopts offers the following services for hopeful adoptive parents:

• Find A Family registry:  which is those happy smiling parent profiles! Created and put online at $25.00 a month.
• Adoption Profile Website Services: You send them pictures and info and they make a PAP site for $495.00
• Adoption Profile Writing : Another $75.00 for a one hour consultation on how to make you profile more appealing.
• Networking Services: Another $75.00 for a hour consultation coming up with “outreach”  including “recommendations about how to create relevant content that will resonate with prospective birthparents”
• Adoption Profile Video Service:  for $345.00 they will take your images, make them int a 2 or 4 hour video and host it on their YouTube channel for a year.

What’s the Cost of Baby Hunting?

So let’s pretend that a happy smiling couple is longing to provide a forever home to a child and they think “Let’s be Proactive” and sign up for all these great professional services!

They have their profile hosted for a year at $25.00 a month which totals $300.00 a year and all the others come to $987.00; so each couple that signs up is out $1,287.00

There looks to be 28 couples hosted there right now.  That’s $700.00  in the USA.

Canada has different pricing ranging form $325.00 to $635.00. The Canada site does not have a nice list where I can actually count the number of couples, but a lousy flash image rotator and it looks like some couples are shown more than once? In any case, I counted at least 45 before they all became a blur. So 45 at the minimum of 325.00 is over 14K.

Is Laurence getting rich from Canada and America Adopts? I don’t think so, but I am not done yet.

I just happen to notice this:

IAC? You can’t mean Independent Adoption Centers, now can we?? AdoptionHelp.com?  Why yes, there must be something going on there.  In fact, I found this 2012 blog post by “lmorton” interviewing Adam Pertman. And the link on the author page goes right back to AmericaAdopt.com.

So, at this point I can’t dig up another damn thing. So I go back to my handy dandy email and I ASK him! I know I am crazy like that! Here’s the text of my email questions and Lawrence’s answers:

Q: I was looking things over as I was planning on getting a post up this week with some juicy links like you asked. I hope you don’t mind, but I have a few questions. What exactly is the relationship between America Adopts and the Independent Adoption Centers? If a PAP is an IAC client, do they get your services included with their special log in?  Are you a blogger for the IAC or was that just a onetime gig for promotional sake?

A: We’re not affiliated with the IAC or any other agency. We were invited by the IAC to do a promotion with them, which actually ends tomorrow . ( 7-15-13)

Q: How come there is such a different in pricing for US verses Canada sites?

A: The disparity in prices between the two sites is because it costs a lot more to run Canada Adopts!  Because America Adopts! is on WordPress I can do a lot of the content management myself. Canada Adopts!, however, has an older operating system and is a much larger site, and everything needs to be outsourced to a programmer and/or designer.

Q: I counted 28 profiles on the US site. Do you have numbers for Canada? The flash was making me crazy. 🙂 I am assuming CA was first. When did the US site launch? And do you have plans to update CA so it reads more like the US site on WP?

A: Canada Adopts! was created in May 2001, America Adopts! in November 2011. And yes,  we’re currently in the process of updating Canada Adopts! to WP.

Q: I found a 2009 article that said CA has about 6 “matches” a year… do you have more accurate numbers?

A: There are currently about 50 profiles on Canada Adopts! We average about 6 matches (that result in placements) a year, or just over 70 over the last 12 years.

Q: You seem to be a very hands on guy. Am I wrong to think that you are actual building the sites? Is this the full time day job? Or does something else pay the bills? I get the sense that you might be more like me; just a passionate geek running the whole show.

A: And no, this isn’t my day job. As for being a “passionate geek,” I don’t know if I’ve got the computer skills to describe myself as a geek just yet (other people designed and built the site), but I am passionate about what I do.

Before I read the email, I received a Google alert informing me that there was now, indeed, a new Adoptee Blog Page: http://www.americaadopts.com/12131/adoptee-blogs/

My Final Evaluation of America Adopts and CanadaAdopts

I can’t COMPLETELY throw  them under the bus and cry foul. While I really do not like to see anyone profiting off of the separation of mothers and children, I am not ready to say that Lawrence is a “bad person”.  I see an adoptive father who naturally has a overall positive view of adoption as a good thing, but is not completely unaware of the risks and realities of adoption. We might say “foggy” but often an adoptive parent has the most invested in “losing” should they completely come out of the fog and declare adoption as an unethical business.  I will say that it is at least refreshing to find an adoption business and adoption truth at least trying to occupy the same space.  It’s not perfect by a long shot, but I give an E for effort. Even if one is in the actual business of adoption, I give kudos for being honest.

On the opposite side of that is that this could possibly be seen as a way that “adoption professionals” exploit the venerable position of adoptive families desiring a child to get into their pocketbooks.  I am not sure if 70 matches in 12 years is a good ratio, but I did not see any complaints registered against them by AP’s either.  So, I’m not saying that this is not viewed as a worthwhile service as, unfortunately, the adoption industry does encourage prospective adoptive parents to “be proactive” when ” finding their child” so these kind of online promotions , “We’re hoping to Adopt” websites, and sharing of ” adoption situations” through social media are more and more the norm. Based on my professional opinion as a web designer and former director of social media, the fees for these services are not unreasonable.  Yet, I dislike, still, the overall premise. If adoption was truly child centered, then we would not be creating these situations, but rather looking for families for children that really need them, not the pregnant “matching”. Of course, that goes back to my overall belief that mothers do not WANT to relinquish, but feel that they have no other choice.

I am cautionary at saying that there is a complete understanding overall and can see that in some ways, through the use of our blogs and guest posts, the community is being “mined” for our carefully shared stories to further promote a business  whose goal is eventually to match at risk mothers considering adoption to the PAPs that desire the children.  That is based on other folks interacts, not my personal dealings.

Again, I have mixed emotions about even posting this piece. I don’t want to make an enemy out of anyone, but the whole premise of the “Adoption Dating Service” is kind of yucky, even if the intentions are “good” based on a certain perspective. I don’t want to seem like I am endorsing such a business and promoting adoption, but I have to be fair and say that I have seen much much worse out of 98% of the adoption business websites out there, so the truth is appreciated and encouraged. So saying outright that they completely suck will not help that overall goal of getting other sites to follow the lead! And I as I said, my interactions to date have been pleasant, so I have no personal grudges at all.  And I do like that the suggestion to also feature adoptee blogs was put into action, but I do not like the editing stories I heard.

Don’t call me Fox News; that’s about as fair and balanced as I can get.  Which almost sucks, because I REALLY wanted to live up to Triona’s quote with this post!