Maybe I am just tired. Did I poop my self out? I feel brain dead right now.
Rye and I just got in a really stupid fight about..tada..leaving lights on in the house. He came home from work..( read grumpy..hates his job) and garin and I were cuddling on the couch with the dog watching ER. So he went about the house switching off the lights in a grump, mutter under his breath, kind of way. Yeah, the living room light was on, as was the kitchen, and we were watching TV in the tv room. Yeah, so he is right, they could have been off. But why does he have to be such a dick about it??
This is the man who must have the TV on all night long. And all day, if up to him. I turn the TV off all day long. Like 6 times a day. He also keeps his computer on all the time, as do I. I am not allowed to keep the outside light on anymore, even if I think it makes me feel safer, and no on but me turns off the basement lights EVER. Plus, it is not the lone electric light bulb that makes our CH bill be insane..it’s not the electricity, it’s the natural gas that heats the house. And who do you think yells all winter to everyone to close the front door? Ummm, yeah, that would be me.
It’s just like..look..if you are going to bitch, then be perfect yourself first.
And I attempted to say that.
BUT what he heard was I was rationalizing my light leaving on ass because he is not perfect either. And I wasn’t defend my light leavingoness, but say..don’t be such a jerk about it..we all cover each other.
But jerky mood prevailed. Ha, and I was thinking of some sexysexsex tonight. Fat chance now, dude.
oh, while I am at it..misc. stuff. WHO are you from statin island who was reading here forever???? Like 2 hours!! God, please make it be someone who is interested for real and not one of my bad stalker trolls who copied every word to be used against me. Thinking good thoughts.
Went to preK today with Scarlett and Tristan. They are so cute. It’s her class this year, but he will have the same one next year so they are real nice to him. It’s nice when other people like your kids. Of course, I do think I have really great kids..all four of them. Plus, I spent so many years in the PreK teacher role, so it was nice for me to fit back into that skin and work with kids. He made a great painting of a Rainbow and Crabby Patties in Housekeeping. Scarlett was the Lucky Duck..so she was the spacial leader and had “jobs” which she preformed all proudly.
Then we came home and I had to pick up Garin from school. Aparently, he was in the office and needed to get picked up because his skateboard fell on some kids head in a stair well, but he wasn’t in trouble?? WTF?
So I gather the kids and go to get him, thinking that he didn’t give me the whole story on the phone and he must be in trouble as I have to pick him up. But he wasn’t. The principal wanted me to come get him since he was “traumatized” over the incident. And they remarked that he wasn’t as pale as before??? He wasn’t the one bleeding. How hurt is this kid? Not much at all, just it was bloody. They are very nice and caring, and he is not in trouble. Nope.
So it turns out, in the car, I learn that they wanted him to get picked up since the kid who he hit was black and they didn’t want him to get jumped on the way home?? But they can’t say that and know it was an accident?? So like why didn’t they just let Garin see the kid, who was OK, but aparently bled alot from having a skateboard fall like 12 feet onto his head, and say that he was sorry and it was an accident?? Instead they kept them apart. Why because they were differnt colors? And the kid was pissed off that a skatebpard just fell on his head. I would be pissed too.So now I have to worry if this kid will get his “posse” together and trump my boy. WTF? I feel like they were so over cauctious that they made it worse.
We did have corned beef and cabbage for dinner since I have to work tomorrow. Tristan wouldn’t eat it for squat, but Garin and Scarlett chowed down. It’s gonna be smelly in this house tomorrow.
Then the make a wish ladies came tonight. Garin gets a wish since he had his open heart surgery this summer and must be on Coumidin he rest of his life. I was hoping that he wanted a vacation, but after much hemming and hawing, Garin finially decided that he wanted his wish to be a 50″ plasma HDTV and an Xbox360. We were hoping to get a new couch in there too..you know like a total TV entertainment room thing, but no couch. I was kinda having couch dreams. Now I am sad. I have to redue this whole room now to have it take the monster TV, and the couch is beyond pathetic. I should have bought Rye that ugly Lazyboy that was on sale for his birthday while we still had the chunk of tax returns. Damn.
I fiqured out the other day that I think I am having a mid life crisis. Kinda scarey. They are suppose to come about 40, right? I’ll be 38 next month. I don’t know what to DO with myself. I was an education major and pre-school teacher, but quit that after I had Garin. Then I made due. Then for the last 10 plus years I have been an interior and kitchen designer, but right now..I just don’t care. I use to eat and breath design..now, I can’t be bothered. I hate it when I feel obligated to freelance. I want to get rid of the few clients I have now. I just don’t care.
And I am really really good at this crap, but right now.it feels so superficial.
I want to write more. I want to Lobby more. I want to take this past 5 years of independant reseach and knowledge and apply it..and make a living from..being me. I am thinking of more school?? What makes an adoption counsellor real? What letters do I need after my name? OMG, is that social work? Like my mother? Another degree at 40? Who would pay me?? But, really..I want to do this kind of stuff all damn day long. It feels really worthwhile. Like it matters. Agggg..
Rye would so not be happy if I announced that I wanted to go back to school. Nope. Not one bit. He went back and I made him quit. It had to be done, as we were dirt poor at that moment and we didn’t have the luxury of him not working and being out of the house ( read me having to be home watching the kids and not working either) three full days a week. Can;t afford day car for two little ones on one income. Heck, we don’t do it on the two..we tag team the kids and never see each other.
But next year, when Tristan is in school half days..and I have 2.5 hours a day all to myself, but still cannot be working in that little time frame??? Ah, I dream again.
I talked to Sunny tonight. I love to talk to Sunny, but I felt angry as she had deleated her Blog. Not mad at her, but why. People were being mean and in a moment she said screw it. I don’t blame her, she is a beautiful. kind, sensitive soul..and I know that she will not be put down, it was a moment. But now “Tear for Jen” is gone and with it so many of her beautiful thoughts and words. She always moves me. And now she too, mourns this loss. Her words are gone. People should not be so mean. I hate that.
Other weird stuff in blog land. Undercurrents that I do not get. I am not a game player. I am just open and really whatever. I like to trust people not to be assholes. I expect the good.
Max and Garin ended up having an email exchange about Max’s show when it was over. It was cute and endearing and hopeful..and just felt…normal. It was a good thing.
Props to Kipper. She is doing a great job taking to the guy adoptee who I had that disagreement with last week. I wasn’t trying to alientate him as an ass..ok, well maybe a little..i did feel hurt. Bad idea to link when you need to make a less than props point. It offends, it seems. Link with good stuff. Safer. Anyway, I don’t think he is that horrible, though a mite bit conservative. I, as a rule, don’t like to think I am defining someone’s reality based on what I beleive. Though sometimes I do, but I don’t like to think I do. Imperfection.
And I guess for nothing, I have alot to say. Just loose bits floating around in my head. Clutter. Now I have put them away.
Maybe now I can sleep. Yeah, cuddle with cranky man. Whatever.
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no such thing as a mid life crisis in my book. crisis or a new quest? you learned from what you have done, you want change. thats not a crisis, thats growth. least i tell myself that. cuz well, I can totally relate.
Kimkim, everywhere you go do you have to spread lies, call adoptive mothers nasty names, etc. Its just, immature and rude. There is no conspiracy I assure you. Also, pot meet kettle to your comment about nuty creepy stalkers.
Claud, I am not sure if you considered working on college course work online, but its very possible a local university, college has an adult program that you can tailor to doing at home. You may not be able to do all the work from home, but a large chunk of it. You may also qualify for a grant, or an adult scholarship that would cover most – if not all of the cost.
Another thing, I am not sure if you have ever considered a job with NOW or Planned Parenthood. You might could take on some role of peer counseling with them — like talking to women about their reproductive choices or even teaching along those lines. It may be something you do on a volunteer basis that evolves into something more. I believe its something you could be really good at.
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Claud,
My mom went back to school in her forties. She was an English major in undergrad school (like me) and went to graduate school for counseling (like what I’m about to do… LOL).
There’s a couple routes you can go:
Counseling, clinical psych, or MSW (master’s in social work). Personally, I think if you don’t want to work for an adoption agency itself (which I doubt you do), but just want to counsel more on your own terms, you might want to pursue clinical psych or counseling.
These days most places want you to be a certified counselor, which means in addition to taking the classes and getting your master’s degree, you have to take the Certified Counselor’s Exam, plus maybe a couple extra courses. My mom opted not to do this right away, but to start working right away with her degree and continue pursuing the certification while working. This worked for her–and she’ll be certified any day now, but her job possibilities were limited. She’ll be looking for a new job when her certification is official, because she makes crap money right now.
Claud, It has taken me 17 years to get my BA. Take a class here or there if you must keep working a full-time job. Also there is testing you can do to get out of some courses-here it is called a CLEP test. My best friend tested out of two semesters worth of courses. You would be amazed the knowledge you carry around. I tested out of some English and humanities courses. Also in our state there is a one year degree (after your BA) called Liscensed Pratical Counseling. It entitles you do most of the things people with MSW’s can do. Do something, it sounds like you really want to.
It’s never too late to pick a new adventure.
I have a weird personal promise to myself that I do not deleat. Really ever…sometimes in a blue moon..but never large scale. I have yet to unjoin anything either.
I have been saddened too often by watching other people dissapper, so I just won’t go there. So no worries..really!
This other stuff..I really don’t want to play. It’s icky. I am not the internet police. I don’t know what is truth or lies. And as much as I can have it, I don’t want it on my blog either. I am just sad that Sunny had a moment of hurt because of yuckiness, but I know she will be back..just I hate it that she was hurt. I am not big into anyone getting hurt at all.
Ah, encouragement…so no one thinks I am nuts here?
I was looking into the Empire State College. They do online stuff. AND you can use life expereinces towards credits. I have my degree in Early Childhood Ed, so alot of base stuff is still there as far as credits already. So how far I have to go towards a basic degree in SW..might not be too bad. It’s the Masters that I find intimidating!!
Ah, what the heck.
Sounds like your “get up and go” got up and went – hardly suprising really, considering how emotionally charged this week must have been for you. You’ve put yourself out there for open adoption records in the best possible way (out there and up-front), AND you have three kids AND you are writing up a storm AND you’re preparing tasty meals (corned beef and cabbage Nothing wrong with that. Yum!) AND you’ve got a business on the go. I’m sure the stupid fight was just that – a stupid fight that only erupted because you were both wrung out.
I hope you get a nice mellow evening with Rye this wkend, with all the trimmings 😉
Sorry about the way the school handled the skateboard accident. Best intentions, I’m sure. But I agree with you, not the best way to de-escalate, and IMO not the best way for either kid.
BTW, 38 is YOUNG! YOUNG, I tell you! You are a tender shoot. You are the little bird that has just popped out of the egg. Give it a year or two until the kids are at school full-time (bless their snotty little noses), and you won’t *believe* the difference it’ll make. Lisa V. is so right. My daughter-ex-law has done a year at university, a few course here and there, and is edging towards a law degree – a little there, a little there. She’ll do it, I know, though sometimes I think she must feel the goal is forever away. I know it’s expensive, in terms of time, money and effort, but you can do it too. I’ve done inumerable courses and up-grades to bring my ridiculously antiquated qualifications up to date so’s I could use them. Hell, if I can, you can! So don’t feel defeated. There is time. Lot’s of (unless an Acme anvil falls on us all, in which case there’s nothing to worry about anyway)
I’m sorry about Sunny’s blog. Maybe she needs a respite. And will come back.
About the guy adoptee. I felt bad for him. I really did. When I took the time to consider, I felt he was most sympathetic and respectful toward his biological mother, and as far as “moving on” is concerned, I didn’t feel that he was implying that a woman would just forget or become indifferent. I thought he meant to “have a life”. Just my take. I don’t think anyone would want their parent to live their lives permanently enmired in pain (for any reason, especially the one in question).
I felt bad for you too. He did respond hurtfully (because he was hurt, I suppose), and then we
reacted to that. It’s also very difficult for people in general to have difficulty separating the two issues (of abortion and adoption) in their minds. They tend to see it as an “either /or”, whereas the real issue is between adoption and keeping. Abortion is another kettle of slimey frogs altogether, but people still tend to get “triggered” when reproductive rights issues come up in an adoption discussion. It’s generally something prefer not get into (I think MaryAnne Cohen in her essay on Bastardette put it as succinctly as anyone).
As per the confusion between open records and reunion. I wish people could seem them as the separate packages that they are, and understand after a person reaches the age of 18 all bets are off. They are their own man (or woman) and need to take personal responsibilty for the way in which they conduct themselves and their relationships to others. But no legal restrictions, no vetos.
I am sorry Sunny is gone too. What about Kim-Kim? I can’t find her today!! Oh no!! What am I going to do???
kudos to you for the deletion. i understand not deletion. i am very aware of that situation and it hurt me personally deeply. thank you for ceasing it – at least on your own blog.
Kippa..hip hip..you are so right. Faux is young. You words were so encouraging and wise.
As for the adoption/abortion debate, yes, MaryAnne Cohen’s article was an excellent piece.
For all who are hurt and ailing today, PLEASE don’t throw in the towell. Make ammends if you need to and remember tomorrow is another new, clean slate, day.
We all need one another. A divided house cannot stand.
Claud…
Wait, wait, wait a minute here. You said you have a degree in early childhood education, right? Meaning, a bachelor’s degree, right?
If you have a bachelor’s degree already, you DO NOT need to start over and get a new one. You can go straight into a master’s program. Like Kim said, you might have to take one or two bachelors-level classes first, but you might not. My mother didn’t for the university she went to, and she had a freakin’ ENGLISH degree!
So don’t start taking undergrad classes and looking into CLEP tests and stuff, if you already have a bachelor’s degree. Start checking out master’s degree programs FIRST, and find out if you can just go right into that.
If you have an associate’s degree and not a bachelor’s, then yeah, you’ll need to do some undergrad to get a bachelor’s. But again, if not… then start looking at grad school FIRST. Makes a lot more sense to get a master’s degree as a licensed counselor (usually 2 years full-time) than to go back and get another bachelor’s (4 years full time) PLUS the master’s.
Whew! (Sorry, just had to get that out there.)
And what IS up with you, KimKim??? Why is your blog gone? I swear guys… I’m going to kick some ass if any more of you disappear. STOP IT.