Saw this bullitan on my space…
MTV True Life Presents… I’m Looking for My Birth Parent
email us at: adoptee@mtvstaff.com with the details
Were you adopted and are now ready to find your birth parent/s? Have you already located your birth parent and are about to meet for the first time? Or has a birth parent recently located you and requested a meeting? If you are interested in sharing your story as it unfolds, read on…
In this brand new, short-form online series from True Life, people like you will share their stories with millions of people at mtv.com, in a format so new we’re not even sure what to call it. If True Life and iFilm had a baby, it might be you, with a camera in your hand, telling us what it’s like to live your life. Our audience will watch your clips, feel your anxiety, cheer you on, and experience your preparations with you…
Want to be a part of it?
If you…
Appear between the ages of 18 and 28;
Are currently engaged in or ready to begin the process of finding your birth parent/s;
and want to share your story with us, email us at adoptee@mtvstaff.com with the details (how and why you decided to take this step, your expectations, fears, and how it will affect your adoptive family… Also be sure to tell us any special dates, meetings, or plans relating to the process of finding your birth parent/s.
Please be sure to include your name, location, contact number, and photo if possible.
We look forward to hearing from you! ~ Amy, The True Life team
and yeah..I wrote to them..why? because I had hoped to give them some probably much needed insight and it was an educational opportunity…so I said:
Good morning,
I found the MTV adoptee call out on MySpace and read it with great interest. I am very pleased that MTV is willing to take on such an important undertaking in regards to adoptees and their search for the families of origins. Adoption is one of the least understood and most stigmatized and romanctized issues in modern family life. Anything that promotes greater understanding, especially in regards to the feelings of adoptees and natural parents, is a wonderful endevor. So thank you!
With that, I am not an adoptee, but rather a mother who relinquished her first born child to adoption in 1987. I have since found my son and have contact with him…so our story has already greatly unfolded, though we still have not met yet again. Instead though, I am writing to you to assist in any way I can towards making your show both educational and also truthful.
Adoption is one of those areas where the overwhelmingly majority of inofrmation out there is pretty much errorrounous. Many adoption “professionals” have a vested interest in keeping up the satus quo or adoption and that means maintaining the myth that adoption is a wonderful social institution and while it can be, at times, it is in no way always like that all the time. I beg you to please do your research in this area so that you do not unwillingly contribute to the propaganda machine. As these young adoptee go though their searches on camera and process the vast awray of complex and often conflicting emotions, they will need not only someone who can assist them in understanding the total normalitly of them, but also to be able to explain to the viewer that the negative feelings are also normal and expected.
If you are looking for a professional to assit in understanding their feelings, then I implore you to contact Joe Soll
at Adoption Crossroads. As an adoptee himself, and a counsellor who has assisited hundreds of adoptees and families of origins, he is a wonderful source of understanding and comfort and healing for all involved.
Also, please have your staff and the participants do some reseach into the real feelings and situations of the relinquishing mothers. Again, I recommed Ann Flesser’s book “The Girls Who Went Away” to understand the historical context and foundation of adoption in this country as well as the feelings of the mothers who were made to live without their children. Also, I will point you to my own Blog where I deal with many of the feelings and issues surrounding relinquishment. There, you will find many links to other first mom blogs and adoptee writings as well as many informational links. Also to note, OriginsUSA has a huge refrence section as well as articles and personal writings from more moms and adoptees as well as a huge section on scientific research that is generally hid from the public and kept quiet from the professionals with a vested and profit driven motive. Please keep in mind, that the women and families that are found or not at the end of these serahces also will need time to process their feelings and many have been living in the shadows with shame as their motivation for years. These are real people at the end and deserve to be treated with dignity and respect. One major way that you can assist in this is to refrain form using the “birth” terms such as “birth mother” etc. as many many moms of adoption loss find the term demeaning. For the true history and origins of the term, please refer to here. and here
For a quick historical refrence to adoption, sealed records, and the need for adoptees to find their origins, please refer to my own article “Secrets in NY”. With this show you have a great opportunity to reach out to millions of adoptees and those who care about them. The battle for opening records for these adoptees is huge right now. Only 6 states in this country give adoptees their contistutional right to their OBC, but many more states have legislation currently in the works and need all the support we can get. It is very important as you focus on there painful and sometimes “illegal” searches, that there are other options and it all could be much easier if open records were the norm. As a lobbiest for the NY fight, I am well versed in the issues surrounding open records. Information should be provided so that people can get involved.
While obviously insight will be made towards the feelings of the adoptive parents, please please do not put more emphesis on their feelings over the adoptees and the family of origins. Adoption has really been about what the adoptive parents wanted and needed from the begining. Since the majority of adoptees featured will have some desire to find out something about their natural families, they will most likely be from infant domestic adoption placements, not from CPS removals, but from situations where the moms “choose” to surrender their children for a “better” life. As one of these mothers in exile, I can tell you that it is the single most influential experince of my life and causes great loss and grief to this day. Again, please do your research on our feelings and our reasons for placement so that we can be protrayed in a good light. We do not deserve more pain and suffering.
In closing, if you have any need for an interview with a mom who surrendered and found her child, the feelings of one who reliquished in the time frame that your adoptees will be looking or for more information regarding laws, history, open records, etc. please feel free to contact me. I shall include my “adoption” bio with this and a picture, etc. Education regarding adoption is my passion and I shall assist in any way possible to have it done with real information and truth.
Thank you.
and within a few hours..they wrote back…AGGGG!
Hi,
Thank you so much for your email. I am actually very interested in your story with your son.
How old is he? How old are you? Where do you both currently reside? How long have you two been in contact? Is a face to face meeting imminent?
If possible, I would be interested in speaking with him about our project and the steps taken before he meets you.
If you are interested in providing a little more detail behind your story, I would greatly appreciate it!
Thank you so much!
So I gave them more info on the story as requested and shot off a massage to Max with their contact info…
I have very conflicted feelings. Yes, I really would rather see a show that protrayed reality and had good information and was not senstionalized. Yes, I would assist in that. *I* don’t want to be sensationalized..nor do I want to peddle my child in that way either. Yet, how cool would it be to be on TV? Or would it suck? Is it worth it? Or would it suck? Aggg…i suppose I have nothing to decide now..and sharing a story vai email never hurt..yet…
I guess this will be continued…
Very interesting…
Ummm more like interesting…with a stomache ache..
yeah,
I am not afraid of much, but would be afraid of fall out from televised reunion.
I don’t know about Max, but I know about me, and being in reunion at that age, and while I talked a pretty good story most of the time could envision myself playing rewind on the tape, and saying, “oh can’t believe she said, that and that , and that, and look at that evidence hhmmmff”
when alone and then responding with a great big silence, not to mention having to hear about my friends dissections of my mother, somethings are very tender.
Just me.
Holy eff! You’re gonna be more famous than me! LOL. Not sure how I feel about it though, our stories differ. Being from the media, even if they say that they won’t sensationalize it… well, truth be told, they will. It’s MTV.
I’m conflicted as well. If anyone needs to get their voice out there, it’s you. So yeah.
They completely ignored everything you said and went straight for Max.
Um, it sounds as if they didn’t even read your email.
that was my reaction too – -they went straight for max.. so, do they want to do the actual reunion on tape or just your stories? that makes a big diff. i would not rec. having the reunion on tape, live, whatev. but the story part might be nice.
(good god what a fit the accountants will have about this… sorry that is rude but i just don’t know what to call them)
(was thinking of you just now. maeve got a where the wild things are puzzel for hanakuh and she just finished puttin it together)
claud,
televised reunions are controlled by the shows producers…this is so personal..do you really want to turn it over to strangers who will use it for entertainment?Ratings?
They will very likely involve Max
s adopter family and get their input…
And they may ask Max some questions that put him in a very difficult position..
JMO..but it could be a trap.
I worry, Claud, about the entire thing. I especially worry about what other commenters have said..about the control being in the hands of the producers and the adopters being involved.
I also agree that it seems they heard nothing of what you were trying to tell them, concentrating, instead, on “getting the story” about you and Max.
I get bad vibes.
LOL…and it’s probably all for nothing anyway…I haven’t heard back from them…so that’s probably a good thing.
And really…yeah, I wanted to be an ADVISOR not a SUBJECT..huge difference.
And I am not disagreeing with anything that anyone has said here at all…all has also ran though my head…
Claud, your letter was excellent, but I also got the impression that they didn’t read it. The good thing, though, is that you have made contact with them and, if you continue that contact, will be able to educate them tremendously. It’ll be really interesting to see how this unfolds.
Have a wonderful holiday!!!
this show doesn’t want to do anything except further exploit victims that have already been exploited. note their use of the term “birthmother” which means that they’re willing to further punish and dismiss us as being walking uteri, having given birth to a child for the convenience of adopters. and now to provide the mystique of the “fallen woman” to ask adoptees why they’d want to search for their “dirty little secrets” because that is what we are to them. the illegitimate pasts that adoption has whitewashed to give them legitimacy. this program exploits adoptees too, but not as much as it’s further exploiting us for titilation purposes. i guess that being classified as being a “slut” sells, and this is what they’re doing. 🙁 just as we are NOTHING but “convinient sluts” in the eyes of adopters.
I would love for this to help your reunion with Max but I just don’t see it…I am hopeful that you can be part of the educating as you do it so well..I really felt that they did not read your letter just wanted your story…They went for the juggler MAX!! But still a lot of good could com out of this…I don’t think it is a wash yet. How do you find these things…
:(good god what a fit the accountants will have about this… sorry that is rude but i just don’t know what to call them):
Max just calls them mom and dad.
But then, she’s not Max, is she? She’s his mother and she has her own perspective.
I don’t understand all these people who anonymously post here claiming to know how Max thinks and feels, it’s kinda creepy.
Oh yeah, but that is what happens to us adoptees, everyone else becomes an expert on how we feel because they have this cousin…
Claud, my feeling is that, for your own safety, only one of you or Max (or neither of you) should participate in this, but NOT both of you, because the media will latch onto your reunion and run a sensationalistic piece on it and believe me they will NOT do it in such a way as to make your reunion or contact with him any better. you don’t need the hassle of seeing yourself under a public microscope. the ongoing process of reunion is difficult enough without cameras in your face. it could destroy everything, frankly.
omg – i have been flamed on your blog… i feel so proud.
yes – wtf do you know what he calls them!?!?!?!?!
or claud.. or me…
reveal thyself so we know your intentions! (how the f do you know his rents are accountants anyway… hmmmm…)
Hi, I’d like to share with ya’ll a new and very important book about adoption:
The STORK MARKET:
America’s Multi-Billion Dollar Unregulated Adoption Industry
by Mirah Riben
Foreword by Evelyn Robinson
Projected Release Date: Feb 15, 2007
ORDER YOURS NOW!
http://www.AdvocatePublications.com
Stork mar·ket. (stôrk märkt) n. 1. exposé of the corruption in the adoption industry; the fine line between black and gray market adoption; scams, coercion and exploitation. 2. an in-depth report on the international market where children are the commodity being bought and sold to the highest bidders including pedophiles with prices based on quality (i.e. age, skin color) of the merchandise and set as high as ‘desperate’ consumers continue to be willing to pay. 3. an examination of the myths of adoption that put the needs of adults, and those who profit from their desperation, before the needs of children who need homes. 4. an extensively researched and documented book that asks if adoption can be fixed—the money aspect removed and government controls and regulations put in place—or abolished in favor of permanent guardianship, or informal adoption sans the issuance of falsified birth certificates. 5. goes further than Riben’s groundbreaking, award-winning “shedding light on…The Dark Side of Adoption” (1988) which was excerpted in Social Issues Review Series, Utne Reader and Microcosm USA. 7. reveals, for the first time in print, Riben’s role in the notorious Joel Steinberg murder case.
__________________________________________________
“Riben has done it again. Once again, as in Dark Side, she has pulled back the covers and exposed the unpleasant truths and problems that need to be addressed in American adoption practices. While difficult, when we remove the rose-colored glasses many view adoption through, the conclusions that Riben comes to are inarguable. Most impressive on every count….well researched and thought out.” Annette Baran, M.S.W., L.C.S.W., co-author The Adoption Triangle
Mirah Riben writes that she refuses to give up. This book—a wonderful and well-integrated mix of approaches—part analysis, part case studies from the front lines, part handbook, part up-to-date law and policy review—is a testament to Riben’s powerful and enduring commitment to the rights and needs of vulnerable women and their children. Riben’s book is a clear, bright blueprint for change. Rickie Solinger, historian and author of Pregnancy and Power: A Short History of Reproductive Politics in America
“Combines the historical and legal perspective with really hard hitting journalism.” Maureen Flatley, political consultant and media advisor specializing in child welfare and adoption
That’s taking reunion to a whole new level….
great big ((hugs))
In addition….
I wonder if you could convince them that instead of your reunion being on tape… that you could be a part of the interviewing of the reunions? Be the educational aspect of the show?
Claud
I think that if you can get even an ounce of truth to them then so be it and If you and Max are up for the show then cool, (I can imagine he would like to drop his band name in there somewhere, lol.)