The Reaction of the Adoption Community
The Oxygen Network’s New Show “I’m Having Their Baby” has caused quite a commotion in the adoption community to say the least. While we have seen expectant mothers considering adoption to be exploited before for entertainment value (The 2004 20/20 Barbara Walters Adoption Special “Be My Baby”) or the brunt of “funny” jokes and black humor (2007’s Juno), the issue isn’t so much the telling of potential birthmother adoption stories, but the lack of real truth provided to viewers and these mothers.
How Oxygen Sees This Show
“I’m Having Their Baby” is a deep and emotional six-part docu-series that reveals the story that often goes untold – that of young, pregnant women as they struggle to go through with the most difficult decision of their lives, whether or not to place their babies for adoption. These would-be moms want a brighter future for their unborn child as well as better life for themselves, but face a mountain of inner turmoil as they search for potential adoptive parents as well as make their birth and transfer plans.
How I See “I’m Having Their Baby”
I admit that I missed the original airing on Monday night, so watching the first horrible episode happened online. While I won’t get back those 44 minutes of my life, self torture is sometimes necessary.
Highlighting Exploitative Adoption Practices
For those with concerning eyes, “I’m Having Their Baby” is just chock filled with prefect examples of what needs to be changed in the adoption industry:
While I have a lovely collection of “Dear Birthmother” letters and perfect adoptive family profiles, I was actually shocked to see the hard cover bound parent profiles shown to Mary at Bethany Adoption Services. Perfection is intimidating. Perfect bound and in full color glossy print? Much harder to resist.
Speaking of Bethany, I have to admit to the desire to kick “adoption counselor Nicole” in the teeth. Her statement “I don’t want THEM (the potential adoptive couple) to go through the heartbreak of losing another child” clearly shows where her loyalties lay. Her “client” is the adoptive parents. I was also disgusted by her comment that Mary had used up the full 48 hours pre-placement and she clearly stated “Now is the time” to make the relinquishment signing happen. She showed a complete inability to empathize and understand why Mary righteously felt that the potential adoptive family was overstepping her feelings and already minimizing her role. Want even more insight as to how some people think: go to the Facebook page for I’m Having Their Baby and see how many folks felt “bad” for the soon to be dumped pushy adoptive parents:
Mary, thankfully, did choose to parent her son. As she wisely said “fear of the unknown” was what she was basing her decision on and fear is NEVER a good indicator!
Then we have my namesake, poor Claudia, the Haitian Adoptee. At age 20, she is feeling very grateful that she was adopted from poverty and thought that there was “nothing wrong with being adopted”. While it surely looked like her child’s father wouldn’t be the most helpful, her greatest fear for motherhood was being a single mother “struggling everyday tying to make ends meat.” There was no mention of the struggle everyday being a mother without your child. I’d rather live on Ramen noodles.
Claudia was counseled that she could sign relinquishment papers within 24 hours after birth, but they did not show that she had a right to delay that decision until SHE was ready. Needless to say, she was still in the hospital AFTER she had signed. I personally found the reading of the relinquishment papers to be quite on par. I remember with horror hearing those words repeated over a over again.
Overall, my lasting impression of the show was what I had originally thought: It’s pro adoption propaganda glorifying the reasons to place without any insights into the long term risks and ramifications to the mothers and potential adoptees. Which is what the adoption industry likes.
Introducing the Adoption Lists with I’m Having Their Baby
Rather than regurgitate what has already been said even more, I’m going to start something new here.
Below, you will find the first “Adoption List”. Technically it’s a live list of blog posts regarding Oxygen’s I’m Having Their Baby. If you write a post about the show, you can add it to the list! You can also go to the source on Listly and grab the whole embedded code and put it on your own blog or site. And of course, share it on Facebook etc. The nice thing is that once the list is updated, all the embedded lists reflect that! So, If you find a new post or article, please add it.
Claudia Corrigan D'Arcy
Owner
The Adoption Lists: Oxygen's I'm Having Their Baby
The Oxygen Network's New Show "I'm Having Their Baby" has caused quite a commotion in the adoption community. The controversy isn't in the telling of potential birthmother adoption stories, but the lack of real truth provided to viewers and these mothers. Expectant mothers considering adoption should not be exploited for entertainment value. Birthparents, adopted persons and adoptive parents have much to say.
Source: http://www.musingsofthelame.com/2012/07/oxygens-having-their-baby.html
![[Birth Mother,] First Mother Forum: 'I'm Having Their Baby' turns into 'I'm keeping MY baby'](http://media.list.ly/production/5790/41593/41593-birth-mother-first-mother-forum-i-m-having-their-baby-turns-into-i-m-keeping-my-baby_185px.png?ver=7996715213)
I'm Having Their Baby is yet example of how a thriving business (adoption) can spawn one television show after another, especially when around every corner is someone searching for their 15 minutes of fame, even if 13 of them are spent in tears.
After eight years living in the United States, I thought I had become inured to the absurdity of American reality television. Until last week, while on a whim, I flicked on the remote and tuned into Oxygen Channel's controversial reality show, 'I'm Having Their Baby'.
I have never liked the Oxygen channel, but this right here just made outright despise it.
Read on to find out why.
That title implies that those women really have no choice in the matter. It implies that these women will relinquish their children and "move on" with their lives because their babies are with their "real" families. It implies that these parents are just vessels to place these children where they're really supposed to grow up. It perpetrates every evil adoption stereotype of birth parents in general out there. The title of the show causes shudders to course through my body because of the negative stereotypes associated with the terminology used.
The Oxygen Network's New Show "I'm Having Their Baby" has caused quite a commotion in the adoption community. Expectant mothers considering adoption should not exploited for entertainment value.
There were some good things, there were lots of bad things and, when it comes down to it, adoption reform now needs to encompass the way "reality" shows portray adoption, because they sure aren't doing our efforts any favors.
Absolutely one of the best revealing of the reality of the adoption world I have seen on a blog. The story does not stop here, there are horror stories about child stealing, coercion, mothers being told their baby died, when it was alive, and it goes on and on and on for the sake of a dollar, and the egos of those who are willing to pay for a child.
A stone faced counselor sits next to a sobbing young mother who had just given birth less than 48 hours earlier. The counselor is holding the paperwork that will forever legally sever this mother's connection to her baby. As the mother is crying the counselor says "Are you feeling a little bit emotional about your adoption plan?" A little bit emotional?! At this point I wanted to throw my laptop through the picture window in my living room.
This series claims to show the adoption process from the viewpoint of the "birthmother" but cleverly and subtly places pro-adoption propaganda throughout the episode.
Out of curiosity, I did watch a preview episode today and was disgusted when I saw the look of disappointment and anger on the adoption counselor's face when the mother told her she had decided to parent after giving birth.
Not to mention, the name of the show? How degrading to First Mothers and our children!
Oxygen Network's new voyeur docu where titillated couch consumers and Snooki fans get to watch adoption agents and their clueless customers, ie PAPs, vie for the attention and ultimate product of pregos in trouble and need of social engineering.. There's not been such an uproar in AdoptionLand since Orphan hit the big screen when adoption agents, their industrial hangers-on, Christian orphan savers, politicians, paps and adopters hit the keyboards over Hollywood's "destruction of adoption." Bastards and birthers found the whole business amusing.
I find the title of this show much more loathsome than any other that has gone before it. It reduces expectant mothers as though they are some sort of service for someone else. In reality, they are expectant mothers who are expecting a child that will be born to them. It is then that they must make the decision of whether or not to parent.
The adoption community is up in arms about a new show that premiered on the Oxygen network this week. I’m Having Their Baby is described as a “six-part docu-series that reveals the stor...
Let's start with terminology. No woman gives birth to someone else's baby. She may choose to place her baby for adoption, but even after placement (or "transfer", as Oxygen calls it), the baby is still her child. And she's not a "would-be mom". She's a pregnant woman, and after she gives birth, she is a mother. She remains a mother no matter where her child grows up.
On one hand, we have the new reality cable TV show “I’m Having THEIR Baby” (OXYGEN premiered Monday July
