The Frightening Emails That Worry Me
I have chill running down my spine from this exchange. Like I am seriously creeped out and just disgusted. I swear I did NOT make this stuff up. It’s not an example, not a snarky joke, but a real email exchange. Lord help me if this one ever gets his hands on a child. I guess this is what adoption has come to in this country.
So I sent out this email in response to comment on my blog because I do things like that.
Greetings,
You have attempted to leave this comment:
“longisland ny , my wife and i are italian and chinese have 2 children love to adopt , im 55 she is 48 , were looking for a female asian or hispanic age 7 to 12”
on my blog here: http://www.adoptionbirthmothers.com/the-craigslist-adoption-truth-project-2/
Let me tell you why this comment will not be approved.
1) If you had bothered to read the post, then you would see that it speaks strongly AGAINST advertising to find children to adopt.
2) If you had bothered to read the blog you would see that I am AGAINST adoptions in general, and would NEVER allow a comment trolling for babies
3) You can’t even bother to use proper punctuation, capitalization, etc
4) 55 and 48? Really? You already have two kids.. can’t you just wait for grandkids. It’s not like shopping for new shoes.
5) “were looking for a female asian or hispanic age 7 to 12” REALLY makes you sound like you are looking for a sex toy and coupled with the poor grammar, gives me the serious creeps.
6) Anyone familiar at all with adoption knows that one doesn’t have to TROLL for older children to adopt. No one WANTS the older kids and that’s why foster care would be glad work with you proving you are not looking for sex toys, even if you can’t be bothered reading or writing correctly. Anyway call the Nassau or Suffolk department of social services and ask about their foster to adopt programs.
7) I think you REALLY should do more reading about this first.. if you are looking to adopt the same way you make comments, then you are totally unprepared.
You don’t get your comment posted, but you just got good free advice.
It’s just a serious pet peeve of mine when people go dropping comments without bothering to read first. It’s just rude and insulting. What can I tell you; I take this blogging stuff seriously. I get annoyed and I tell them. Usually, I never hear back or the email was a fake anyway. But this time, I got a reply. I have copied and pasted as received so you could experience the full effect.
THE RESPONSE.. I CANNOT make this stuff up!
“65 and 59 maybe but wea re stil young loking to adiopt 7 year old and i dont know what your talking about im trying to leave a post for other not in reply to your post , im not a computer nerd like you so i go on and leave a reply which im gonna contine to do, the other thing is if the country was run by a a real president and not a scum bag maybe it would be easier to adopt , im sure you will agree”
DEAD HORSES EVEYWHERE!!!! And are they 55 and 48 or 65 and 59?? And it’s President Obama’s fault that they can’t get a “7 year old” ? I cannot bang my head into the wall fast enough!
So I emailed back. I know, I know.. I should leave well enough alone, but sometimes it is like picking a scab. You know it is gross and it’s gonna hurt, but I. Just. Can’t Stop.
It’s MY BLOG.
It doesn’t matter who you THINK you are trying to leave the comment for; I won’t have it. You can continue ALL you want, but there will NOT be one comment made by you in this way on Musings of the Lame.
Writing correctly is not “nerdy”.
And I VOTED for President Obama, so don’t be so sure.
I thought that would be it. I really thought I could make is stop with the voting bit, you know.. foot in mouth and all… but no.. the next words that came right back, just freaked me the fuck out.
“i have no idea what your taking about were looking for 7 year old pretty hispanic female , i we will get it”
We will get it.
It.
A child. It.
I want it, I will get what I want. Let me place an order at the mutherfucking mail order house for Pretty. Hispanic. 7 year olds.
Not even a “we have some much to give and want to open our home to a child who needs us” . No. I want a pretty little girl and I will get it.
God, now I am fearful for a little unknown child on Long Island! Of course, I went ahead and checked the IP address and yes, it really is coming from Roslyn, Long Island, but still .. eww. eww. Eww.
I still had to pick some more because I am a glutton for punishment. I have to know more. Ok maybe I can do some damage control, even though I am angry and disgusted, but I fear the truth of those words. “we i will get it” . I reply again:
Yeah, I get that part. ( that he had NO idea what I was talking about!)
Ok forget the trolling comment and ethics.. Why?
Why does it have to be a girl. Why pretty? Why 7? Why Hispanic? Why do you want to adopt if you already have two kids?
i love pretty hispanic and asian girls my kids are half asian got a problem with that
Ewww, ewww, ewww….I’m creeped out all over again. I feel like I am talking to a dirty old man. Maybe the world has just ruined us all and we look for perverts everywhere rather than just in Mass on Sunday (ohh bad Catholic joke..it’s OK; I’m already going to hell), but I read “i love pretty hispanic and asian girls” and my skin crawls!
Did I stop then? Oh noooo…
No, what I have a problem with is you acting like you can “shop” for a child like picking out a pair of shoes like Macys.
It would be one thing if you said – were so fortunate and we think we could open up our family and give a home to a child who really needs a family. Plus our family is already racially diverse, so we would be very welcoming for a mixed race girl around age 7 who didn’t have other opportunities.
But that’s not what you’re are saying…pretty shouldn’t matter. Being the best family for a child should matter. It shouldn’t be about what you want…it should be about what a child needs….it should be about what you can offer her…it should be about her. Not you. Not you wants. Not what you think you want..and then..you called her “it”. “We will get it” …a child is never an it. She is not a thing. She is not to be obtained like a puppy from the pound to meet your needs.
So THAT’S what I have a problem with. You just seem woefully unprepared to have the emotional capacity to put a child’s needs first and I dread the thought of you getting “it”. I’m literally scared by the way you frame this.
Again..I suggest you really do some more research about adoption and especially child centered adoptions.
the system takes to long , shop online if 10 couples have offers see which is best then go through proces with lawyer and familes of what ever youy have to do, i quite frankly am disturbed by the time and money it takes to adopt a kid ,m its insulting and ridiculous , should be no more then 2000 dollars and no longer then in 4 to 6 months , any longer then that is somne the government should take a look into , it insulting to the parewnst and the kids who want to be adopted , its a waist of time and money
So you want a child and you want a child now. You aren’t willing to wait. You don’t like the idea of anyone approving you or making sure that you would be suitable for IT. And you don’t want it to cost any money?
The only thing I can agree with is that there is too much money traded hands in adoption. It’s a 13 billion dollar industry. However, aspects such as the prospective adoptive parents home study and pre adoption counseling ARE valuable and CANNOT be overlooked.
Again, get in touch with Nassau County Department of Children’s Services. The foster care programs do not cost thousands, though yes, you will have to be approved, but that’s a good thing. Again..it’s not like getting a puppy or a pair of shoes that you want…which is something I do not think you have a grasp of at all. I keep saying that..and you just keep complaining about how you can’t get what you want. It’s Scarey.
donjmt let it scare you , were getting older , a reasonale amount of time would be no longer then 8 months , and the cost , if their was immediate find and several meeting and home study and background check etcx, what ims ayig is they drag it, so instead of 8 months it take 1and half years or 2 years , long time for the parensta nd child 8 months is reasonable, the other thing was obama , im sure you didn’t vote for him the second term ge dated
I’m not writing back again because I really need it to stop. It feels like a cancer in my email box. Like it’s just so gross and dirty and I need to wash my eyeballs, but I almost replied again. I typed this out and then I forced myself to stop.
Oh you scare me. Your attitude on adopting a child complete terrifies me for that child.
You’re “getting” older, you are not too old? You might be 55 or maybe 65? You can’t wait 16 months, but 8 is OK. It doesn’t matter .. you’ll still be 65 or 75 before she is done with high school, but that’s Ok because that is what you WANT. And how dare they waste your time when after all it’s only a child’s life and well being to be considered. And not just any old child, but a child whom already has lived with trauma and loss. But that doesn’t seem to matter to you as long as she is pretty.
I am horribly scared.
And yeah, I voted for PRESIDENT Obama in the 2nd election too and I actively discussed how I HATED Mittens for months!
Now excuse me, but I think I have to vomit. It’s bad enough that I am so CREEPED out by this guy.. but what’s even worse is that I don’t doubt that somehow he might really be able to get his hands on that poor pretty “it”.
The only saving grace is that maybe he is just too cheap to shell out the bucks to adopt.
That is terrifying. Hopefully this person never gets close to being approved to adopt. My hope would be this man expresses himself as well in person as in writing and if he ever got to the home study stage the social worker would want to run. (I don’t always agree with you, I’d like to be an adoptive mother someday, but this is just terrifying. I am, however, for adoption reform, and very anti-birth mother coersion and I think the best way to help children not be orphans is to keep original families intact. At the same time in this world, this isn’t always possible and I think adoption is the next best option when the best option (the birth parent(s) getting to raise the child) cannot be.)
If you bothered adopting from foster care–and limiting yourself to the kids who really, truly are severed from their families–you would find you and Claud have a lot TO agree upon. Because that’s your only guarantee that your action is not what’s tearing that child’s family apart–the damage was done before you got there.
Wow, this is another one of these WTF is wrong with people. First I feel bad for their biological children that they aren’t enough. Second to your point in this case with what they are looking for in terms of an older child Foster Care is an option. Third as you said it’s your blog.
I give you credit for going as long as you did, I would have given up on him sooner.
Would putting out an APB on the IP address help?
I’m guessing not, but the thought occurred to me.
Visine all around.
I am extremely alarmed by this post. You had no business giving this man any ideas on how he might adopt a child. Perhaps as a first mother, you didn’t fully understand what you were doing. But I was once that vulnerable child whose parents didn’t take responsibility for me. And it was dangerous of you to give him any suggestions. You should have left that alone.
This man sounds extremely creepy with his exact specifications for an Asian female between 7 and 12 years old. The best thing you can do is to alert the police or the FBI (even if nothing comes of it).
Claudia, that’s awful! Hope your stomach and eyes have recovered… I don’t get people who write/email to authors of blogs who are quite clearly not in favour of adoption asking them for help to either place their child or adopt… I have had several but none like this scary git.
There are so many reasons why these people SHOULDN’T adopt but the whole ‘pretty 7 -12’ year old makes me thing it is sinister. Disgusting. Horrendous.
This. Seriously, I’d contact the FBI on this one; if it turned out not to be a pedophile I’d be very surprised. Nothing may come of it, but on the other hand, you may save a child.
So maybe he will kidnap instead. All parents in the area who have pretty Asian or Hispanic kids between 5 and 15 ought to make sure they never venture out alone. This guy is determined. He feels entitled. He is a threat.