Celebrity Gossip or Ethical Lessons; Think Again

If a short celebrity marriage and a nasty divorce isn’t good enough, the celebrity rag mags are all a flame over the truly insane and so horrible unethical story of Lamar Sally and Sherri Shepherd. I have to admit I have NO idea what these people have done to earn their famous status and I didn’t care who they were beforehand.  I know Shepard was on The Biased View, but whether she was kicked off or left, again, I don’t care. I never watch that show anyway, though I did watch stupid Troy Dunn on the other day and THAT surely reminded me that I will NEVER watch that show again. It was seriously the WORST most BAISED “reporting” I have ever seen in my life.

Anyway, these unethical “power couple” or something paid a gestational surrogate to get impregnated through in-vitro fertilization of a donor egg and Sally’s sperm.  Yes, I DO say major yuck to that as I am not a fan of “creating a family” though four different parties; we have the genetic mother who was paid to donate her egg usually anonymously, the actual father, Sally, both genetically and in actuality ready to parent, then the paid gestational surrogate who “cooked” the child for a fee, and then, most likely,  Sheppard who would have to adopt child ( as the woman who gives birth is usually “legally” seen as the “mother” even if she has no genetic relation to the child) after the surrogate relinquishes and “goes away”.

Except now, with the divorce wars, Shepard doesn’t want to play momma anymore; so both are busy serving papers to each other and arguing prenuptial agreements, settlements and in this case, child support is a big deal.  Competiting coasts have different surrogacy and divorce laws, but when it comes down to it, it sounds like Sally would like his genetic child, but want Shepard’s money to pay for it and Shepard doesn’t want to pay, so she wants no responsibility for the baby.

How Can Sherri Shepherd Even BE Responsible for This Baby?

The tabloids seem to make it out that she is going to relinquish this baby after it is born. But I can’t see how she CAN legally “relinquish” . That’s where it gets all weird if you actually think about it.

It’s NOT going to be her genetic child. She has NO biological connection to this child because it was NOT her eggs.
She won’t give birth to this child as the gestational surrogate is carrying it for her. Like adoption laws, the patchwork of state regulations in regards to recognizing the issues of third party reproduction, if they even recognize surrogacy as legal, and parental rights all depends on which state law is follow; the carrier, whether she is the genetic mother or not, usually has to legal relinquish their parental rights to the child.

So the way I see it; if Shepard doesn’t go forward and ADOPT this baby, then she has not responsibility. Basically she is opting out of taking that last legal step. She cannot relinquish because she really has NO hold on this baby anyway.

Making it Out to be an Unwanted Baby

Now normally, if the “intended parents’ of a totally donor produced, gestationally carrier child, back out of the deal, the mother who gives birth would be the one left holding the responsibility card, even if it’s NOT her genetic child. See above. But in this case, it seems that Sally wants HIS genetic child, only he wants Shepard to help pay for it.   Hence the battle etc.  Are his motivations pure? People want to say he’s after her money and maybe he is, but can’t he also be right?

We don’t know WHO wanted this baby, but obviously, again like adoption, there is lots of effort and money involved to create a baby this way: A surrogate typically gets paid up to $40,000 for carrying a baby, and a lawyer’s fees add up to $10,000 to the tab. Plus, an in-vitro clinic gets up to $40,000, an egg donor is paid about $10,000. There are costs for a surrogate’s travel, medical care, assorted living expenses and catastrophic health insurance. Shepard can be assumed to foot the bill, so she DID participate in making this “issue” come about in the first place. So part of me WANTS to make her responsible for a part,  but them part of me doesn’t. I almost feel that making her BE responsible somehow gives her more “ownership” over the situation which I don’t like in the big picture, because, well.. you cannot “own” a person!

( Yes, I know.. basically adoption and many of this 3rd party reproduction stuff, it IS like Owning a person as we buy and sell babies.. oh wait, pay for the fees and costs to adoption And “build modern families”)

Oh Wait, What About the Actual BABY?

Oh yeah, and then there is that! The poor kid isn’t even born yet and making tabloid headlines as flighty celebrities act on some impulses, marry, spend money and change their minds. How is this child going to feel when he does find out that he was purchased and then returned before he even takes his first breath. We know some adoptees already have enough issues with the trauma of separation, we know that some of the people created by donor and surrogates already can have the same issues and add on top that they were directly made into “products”, and now to add more rejection in right off the top? Yikes!

Now some of the sensational stories seem to add to the frenzy that this baby might end in foster care because Shepard doesn’t want him, but I can’t see that happening unless Sally really IS just using the baby as a bargaining chip for the divorce settlement. In which case, he is a real lousy human being, but if not.. he’s going to be this child’s father, I hope. At least that is what I can hope for this baby. It’s seems like the only possible somewhat humane exit plan for this mess. That and I wish someone can contact the mother who sold her egg and let her know that her child might be in need to her..

How Can this Mess Happen?

I think the stories like this.. and not the ones that have household names attached, but all the messed up  situations like this that we DO NOT heard about ever…are a direct result of  the adults acting on their wants and desires without at all thinking things through. Add in the doctors and clinics and lawmakers that encourage it for their own personal agendas which is usually their bottom line and PR. Just because we CAN make these things happen, doesn’t mean we SHOULD.  Even the people who donate their DNA aren’t usually thinking much about the actual ids created, but again, what they do to get paid. But in the end, it’s not the doctors or the clinics or the legislators or the parents that we should be carrying about.. it’s the actual PEOPLE that are created this away who’s opinions must matter. It’s their feeling that MUST be first and are usually not.

Hard questions, but so worth thinking about and for that I am glad the Lamar Sally and Sherri Shepherd have made me at least think about some of these things and the horrors of what it might be to actually BE that baby as they rip the celebrities apart.

For others, we don’t need the gossip rags.

Regarding the issues of surrogacy, the Center for Bioethics and Culture have a Minneapolis screening  of Breeders: A Subclass of Women?  at the Landmark Theatres Lagoon Cinema at 1320 Lagoon Avenue in Minneapolis, MN at 7:00 pm on August, 6th 2014. To purchase Purchase Tickets please go to:  http://bit.ly/MN-Surro-film.

If you can’t wait for a screening Breeders: A Subclass of Women?  Is available on demand: http://bit.ly/surrogacyfilm  or you can  buy the DVD now: http://bit.ly/BreedersBuyDVD.

And an in depth look at the realities of egg donation can be had by watching Eggsploitation which is now available on demand.

This is the updated and expanded version with new interviews and footage that were released last year. If you haven’t seen Eggsploitation, now is the time. If you’ve seen it already, see it again!

• iTunes: https://itun.es/i6g69jZ
• Amazon: http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00L2KTO9U/
• Google Play: https://play.google.com/store/movies/details/Eggsploitation?id=RlG8tHlUBYs

Seriously, watch the films. Get some truth. Educate and pass the knowledge around.