HuffPo Live, AOL Home Page Slider and the FOOT

So last week I was contacted to be on a web interview on HuffPo LIVE regarding searching for a birthmother.  Like always, I agreed because whenever we have an opportunity to speak publicly about the realities o adoption relinquishment, I do. After a bit of back and forth, it was decided that the segment would air live on Max’s 25h birthday 11-14-12.  Ironic, indeed.

Like most mainstream media things, you never know quite what you are getting yourself into and it’s usually a bit last minute and confusing.  The taping was to be at 6:30 EST  and it wasn’t until I got to do the camera check at like 3:30 that I was able to find out who else they would be having for this “round table discussion”. I was thrilled to hear that they had First Mother Forum’s Lorraine Dusky on their list (though she ended up not being able to do to web cam issues) but was NOT thrilled to hear the other two guests were an adoptive father and adoptive mother. I did not recognize either of their names and was unsure if they would be friend or foe!

Plus, why no adoptees?

Who Else Was There on Huff Po LIVE

During the camera check I spoke to the un-adoption affected and unaware young producer and explained that it was VERY IMPORTANT that the media include adoptees in these conversations and they should have one. I was happy to see that they listened and got an adoptee, Leigh Reposa an Adoptee & Clinical Social Worker (@lreposa) to replace Lorraine!  Leigh KNEW the issues and was a great addition, I was glad to be able to met here.

While on the phone together, Lorraine and I frantically ran around online the few hours before the tapping trying to find out more information about the other guests. While I already had my search tips and reunion preparation bullet list for speaking notes prepared, it was important to know the other opinions of those involved, just in case.

From what we could find , the dad, Mark Livings , had built a website called ChildConnect and we both thought it was for reunion and deemed him as supportive. If we had more time, we would have found out that it is more of a portal to exchange pictures and updates post “open” adoption. Not a bad thing at all, but I would rather see something that lets people  really hook up and have contact. He was still a very nice guy and I did enjoy chatting with him via Google Hangout before the show.

The mom, Cheryl, to be honest, was rather clueless. She had adopted one, went on to have seven bio kids and had nothing about adoption on her site at all, unless we count dog adoption and I don’t. She did the “our birthmom” routine, went along to her daughter’s reunion, etc. I’ll leave it at that.

The whole show is available in the archives by searching of this link; The Search of a BirthMom.

AOL Interview Surprises This Birthmother

I had imagined that we would talk more about HOW to search and how to prepare for a search, but without pre-interview questions, it was more about our stories. OK. I go with it. I never get in as much as I want, but hey, exposure is good for the cause right? Plus, we had great comments from the adoption community;  LindaLou got a whole slew of Adoptee Rights Coalition links in the there, other folks posted facts. It was a great group effort and I thank all for helping!

I had purposely turned off my cell phone, but RIGHT IN THE MIDDLE of the taping, Max called. I had texted him at the stroke of midnight for his birthday and he called back.  I don’t know if you can see me frantically trying to shut off my phone and text to him “ill all you back on huffpi now”..”huffpi-WFT?” Needless to say, I was giddy after the call.

So, It went OK. I’m always critical of what I should have said. I babble too much and could have gotten more key points in.  WHy I went on about THE FOOT? I don’t know..nerves I guess. I hate doing these things, but they need to be done, so I do, but the surprises keep coming.

AOL Front Page? Oh My!

I was completely surprised to day to find that they had taken the part about THE FOOT and edited it to a singular video and a companion  article about THE FOOT and it was ON THE AOL HOME PAGE SLIDER.

Claudia D’Arcy gave up her son for adoption when he was four days old. Seventeen years later, she decided to track him down. She joined host Nancy Redd on a segment for HuffPost Live to discuss the process she took to find him, and what it was like to reunite. D’Arcy was overjoyed to discover that they had a lot in common, including a favorite family trait.

“Certain members of our family have this certain foot, with the little pegged toes,” she said. “He stayed over my house, and the next day we’re hanging out on the porch. And the weather was warm and I look down at his foot, and I said ‘Oh my God, you have the foot.’ I have the foot, my brother has the foot, my youngest son has the foot, and my oldest son has the foot. You put the four feet together and it’s the same foot. It’s the funniest thing.”

Joining Redd and D’Arcy in the discussion were Leigh Reposa , an adoptee who found her birth mother, Cheryl Butler, an adoptive mother, and Mark livings, an adoptive father. 

The tape is really crappy, though the actual Google Hangout is great. Suz had the great idea of doing one adoption related and I’m completely in on this idea.

I had NO IDEA that was going to happen, but it did. Ok, more exposure, right. Good for the cause and education of the masses. I ignore the stupid comments. I ignore the stupid comments. I ignore the stupid comments. Yes, that s a mantra for me, but please feel free to educated the masses. I guess they had the headlines messed up as well and I was supposed to be divorced three times?

Here’s some doozies:

• “Cute, real Cute.. This is a Prime Example they have BIRTH CONTROL Girls Like her Should NOT have Children in the 1st place! That is what she should be Advocating..Not Justifying what she did..What a Careless Fool..How many times has she been Divorced? 3x?”
• “Hey, I have the foot also!!! Yahoo, I’m your son….. My dog have the foot, my cat have the foot, my neighbor has the foot, Fred Flinstone has the foot, Obama has the foot, big foot has the foot, everybody has the foot, wow we’re all a happy family!”
• “And the circus people celebrate….”
• “He stayed over my house, and the next day we’re hanging out on the porch.  Can’t you just picture it? Everybody up in the air,”
• “Wow this chick is super annoying.. Poor kid, mom should have stayed away.”
• “Why would you give a kid away and then have more??? How incredibly painful it must be for that child…”

I just have to say that ANYONE who thinks I do this kind of stuff for my own “star struck-ness” of because it’s fun is 100% completely wrong, especially when they should know me better than that!  The last two night I have woken up with hysterical nightmares which I am sure are grief adoption related. I should just give in and have that good cry rather than trying to hold it together . It’s not fun to be ripped apart by the ignorant, but if it can help ONE PERSON, then I can deal.