Imagine Being a Mother That Had No Choice
Get up right now and go look upon the face of your child..and imagine the worst thing that could ever happen to you..catastrophic, life altering, destructive… and you had to allow your child to be adopted. You really had no choice. There was no other way that you could see it through. To keep that precious face safe, you had to separate.
I bet your first reaction was that there is no way that anything would ever allow you to do that. Right? Leave your child. But get past that and really try to feel it. Your very own real child; the one at your breast, the one playing at your feet, sleeping in the next room, in the backyard, at school.
What If You Could Never See Your Child Again?
It doesn’t really matter that you have had your child with for years and we only had days and in utero, the emotion is the same…a mother’s love.
Look at this face of the one you would die for. Feel that love that you have for them..full force..and imagine the source of that delight, that joy, was gone from your life. Not dead, just unreachable. Forever for all you know. Completely out of your control and grasp.
Add ten years to your child’s life. Can you imagine not seeing your own child for a month? Imagine a life time. Imagine if tomorrow you learned that you would know nothing more about that child in front of you now. Noting at all.
What Would You Do for Your Child?
Now imagine though chance and some hard work, they were right in your face………..
What would you do just see your child again and know that they were OK. What would you do to be able to tell them that you loved them one more time again and have them know that you mean it?
What line would you cross?
Don’t just think about it…feel.
If you are not crying now, then you didn’t do it right.
Those that don’t feel that are those that can’t imagine having to do that. Or they think that it wouldn’t happen to them because they are more responsible and better people so it would never be an issue.
What a beautiful post.
I wouldn’t place my child for adoption. I wouldn’t abuse/neglect my child so the state forced my child away from me.
I had a moment last year when we were starting the process to adopt that this occurred to me. I was thinking about the tsunami and the desperate circumstances people are placed into. It is a hard thing to contemplate, especially if you’ve been privileged. But I did, and it wrecked me for about a week. Absolutely wrecked me. And I cried and mourned for all birthparents. I won’t forget that.
In response to anonymous,
Neither would I.
Sster…After I wrote this..I sat for like 3 seconds and tried to do it with my other children…and you know what? I can’t go there! It totally freaks me out…wrecked is a good word!
And then..after doing the mental..OK just STOP IT!! Becasue of course, I am thinking OMG..I couldn’t live through THAT. Nothing bad is going to happen..my mind kicks in..and remembers..yeah, you already did.Ugg..and that is a sad thing to have to remember.
Anonymous..Nope..you did it wrong. This isn’t a thinking exercise..it’s a feeling one.
And is that judgement I hear in there? Oh, YOU could never do such a thing like THAT..no matter what, right? So you don’t love you child enough to make the most loving of all sacrafices?
And the comment for abuse neglect is in here why? Just for insult? To allude that you are more superior than paople who also never abused or neglected their children either? The state had nothing to do with my child’s loss…I was perfectly willing to be a good little baby maker. It was the “best” after all.
Now do I have to turn off the anonymous comments or can you be brave enough in your convictions to use your name?
Important post for anyone considering adoption, or who has adopted, to read. Oh, empathy, it is a binding and healing balm when we dare apply it.
Ah,you gotta love people who need to remain anonymous and not even have a screen name! I would venture to say most women who place a child for adoption never in a trillion years ever thought that they would.
Funny though people like that encourage others to place “their” children for adoption though. Even though “they” would never do such a thing. Now why do you suppose that is?
Walk a mile in my shoes is all I will say.
Kim.Kim is right – that was a poignant and touching exercise. I have to say, I couldn’t let myself do it totally though. I know how it feels and didn’t want to go there again. I relive the loss enough as it is – and like you my son is back in my life – but still not totally as my son – it will never be.
I couldn’t do it either, but I thought it was so beautiful Claud!!!!!!! Aw.
It’s really NOT for us, wh ave already lived it, to do it. Really now..we know.
It is for those who have not live this loss..to just walk in our place for one second.
I’ve tried to imagine life without my 4 yo. And yes, even though I’ve been living without my firstborn for 21 years and know very well what that feels like, I couldn’t imagine a world without my little girl in it every day.
Just discovered your blog tonite…hopefully I can read it all b4 hubby kicks me off computer…LOVE IT!!
Seeing and Feeling….good exercise I doubt many can actually do….doubt they can even imagine…kinda like trying to imagine if you had no arms and legs…..