This is the Question of a Young Women facing an Unplanned Pregnancy

I’m 18 and have no diploma or GED. I plan on going to college and doing something with myself, but as of right now I live with someone else. I feel very sad thinking about this baby and about how my relationship and life is going to change and I’m curious about whether this is hormones or not. I feel HORRIBLE for the way I feel. Do you think I can have a baby now, keep her and still have a happy life and relationships?

Unless you can make me believe that you are super strung out, beaten by boyfriend, beyond all hope of ever mothering decently at all, then I am just not gonna buy it that adoption is that much better than what you have to offer. I just can’t.

If You Give Birth  You ARE a MOTHER

If you plan on having this baby, whether you parent or not, weather you feel groovy about it or not, if you give birth, you will still become somebodies mother. You can’t get all slick with motherhood so it just glances off. Motherhood sticks to you, it morphs your being, even if it is just for a very short time.

It doesn’t matter what you tell yourself. That you don’t feel like it’s “your” baby, and that’s OK. You can be allowed to think that motherhood might be mitigated as if the pregnancy was purely a medical illness, and once past, all residue of the experience gone. Plus, it’s actually really NATURAL  and healthy for us to make babies while in our teens. It’s only our society that has warped things in such a way that the window of accepted motherhood gets smaller and smaller, please read the article:

Motherhood is Biology

But that’s only what you want to believe, what they want to be true. It doesn’t matter. It’s not “the” baby. It’s not “their” baby. It doesn’t matter how you look at it. There is no secret way to get past it. You are not giving birth to any old baby. You are giving birth to part of you. I don’t care what you believe to be true now.

Whatever you believe to be true changes after you look into your child’s eyes. Something inside you grows, something you don’t even know is there. There is this connection and it becomes very important. It’s really a case of biology, of nature, of things beyond your control.

Giving birth releases hormones in both your body and your babies. Those hormones cause you to bond, they help you fall in love with your child.

Your Baby NEEDS YOU, not a Substitute

Your baby will also naturally gravate to you..not because you have your life together or not, not because you have a beautiful finished nursery with matching bedding or not, not because you have a great job or not; your baby will want YOU because she knows your voice, she knows your smell, she knows the beat of your heart…You cannot turn this stuff off. It will happen.

Let’s look at it this way…you have plans, right? You don’t plan on being a professional loser forever? You expect to work hard and do things? Make things happen? So, it will be harder with a baby/child in tow, but you also have more reasons to want to make it work.

A child will be your inspiration, your reason for having to really get it together, an excuse NOT to slack off.

Yes, having a child does make you responsible for a certain standard of living, but we are not talking about a mansion and a 40K SUV; a clean home, a steady schedule, basic food groups, love.. that will do, that will do.

Adoption Will Focus On What Your Are Not

Agencies and well meaning professionals will focus on the ways you are lacking.

They will bring up how hard it is to wake up with a baby, can you put the child’s needs first, don’t you want to follow your dreams?

This is their job. This is what they get paid to do. They might act like your friends. They might act like they care, but no matter how great you think you can see through people, know that their job is to get you to “make an adoption plan“.

They might say it is best for you, they might say it is best for your baby. They are lying..or seriously confused, because really, it is only best for them and their agencies. They stand to pay their bills from your loss.

Remember..an average of 30K for your child..and it’s not going in your pocket. Birth doesn’t cost that much. Fact is: Adoption is an close to a 6 billion dollar industry. Remember those numbers.

Pregnant? Then Yes, You Will Have Sleepless Nights

Place you child now…and it won’t matter the situation, how open or closed it is, how wonderful the chosen parents might be, how fantastic your counseling, how dire your situation..and I can guarantee you many sleepless nights of endless crying.

That’s right. Sleepless nights of endless crying..not the baby, the baby will be gone, but you…I can guarantee that your life will forever be changed, just like if you parented.

That’s the thing… if you have a baby..then your life Will change.

It doesn’t matter what you try to do, what you want to do….all I can guarantee that you will be a mother. Your breasts will fill, your stomach will stretch, your heart will never forget.

Adoption After Child Birth is NOT a Change for the Better

I can promise you that the things you hold important or necessary to your happiness now will pale in comparison. That the impossible will seem possible or at least worth trying, when you have such a reason as your own child. If you have an agency worker there at birth, they will advise you to “think with your head, not your heart”. They will instruct you to remember the reasons you made an adoption plan to begin with. They will dismiss your feelings as just “normal” hormones and counsel you to not give in your emotion…making it seem that listening to our guts, our emotions make us weak.

But no matter what they say..I can tell you that if you follow their lead and make the “loving choice“, you will be altered forever. And it will not be fun at all.

Accept, Adapt, Don’t Adopt

You are going to be somebody’s mother. Nothing can change that. If you have a baby, then you ARE a mother. If the child dies at birth, you will still mourn, you will have love, you will be a mother. If you surrender your child for adoption, you will mourn, you will have love, you will be a mother. The problem with adoption.. you get all the hard stuff about mothering: the worry, the guilt, the insecurities, the heartbreaking emotions, but you give away almost ALL of the good stuff.. the smiles, the laughter’s, the kisses good night…

Of course you life is going to change. That is the one constant thing about life. It just keeps on changing, and often not in the way we would have hoped nor planned. But you really can’t control it all. That’s just crazy making.

What you can do is start beginning to accept these changes. Cause, this isn’t a dress rehearsal and we don’t get do-overs no matter how big the oops. All we can do is keep going on.

Your Motherhood is Here, Now: Embrace It

You know what? Almost every woman in the world freaks out with almost every pregnancy – no matter how wanted, or perfectly planned. It’s a big huge deal, but here’s what allot of people don’t tell you; it’s also kind of easy and in many ways pretty gradual.

And then, getting back to all that mother child bonding stuff, we end up really, really wanting to do it. So don’t feel bad…just keep breathing.

So, Yes..is the answer to the question. I think you can have this baby now, keep her and still have a happy life and relationships..a much happier life than one torn apart by adoption.

Congratulations!! You are going to be somebody’s mother!!!