Adoptee Searching

Finding Happiness in Spite of Adoption Reunion Issues

There is that classic saying, “you can’t change another person’s actions or feelings, but you can change how it affects you.” I think that is really important to remember in an adoption reunion. No matter how much we might want another person to think and feel and usually more importantly act, we cannot make that happen. No matter what you do, what hoops you jump through, the emotional gymnastics you attempt, you cannot change which you cannot control. If life was controlled by forces of sheer will alone, this world would be a much different, though I don’t know if necessarily better, place.


Ways to Ruin an Adoption Reunion I

It often seems like a birthmother does not come out directly and say NO during a reunion. Of course, there are too many that do, but then there are a whole slew that just seem to fail miserably in the process of an active reunion. Meaning, on the outside, birthmother and adoptee have some contact, but due to her own damage, or expectation, or limitations, or personal boundaries and fears, over years and sometimes decades, the adoptee finds that the whole relationship feels unsatisfying. I completely understand that what one part might find “acceptable” in a reunion, the other party might really be left wanting way more. Let this go on for too long and what was an initial “yes” can turn into a ” I can’t take this anymore”.


What is a Successful Adoption Reunion?

Let’s face it ; we all love a good adoption reunion story. The media loves a reunion story. Most people off the street love a reunion story. In AdoptionLand, we especially enjoy hearing that another family separated by adoption has managed to beat the industry rules and find their way home. We marvel at the similarities and “near misses”. We get teary eyed seeing the cries of joy and the airport hugs. Yet, what happens after that first contact, that first find, that first phone call, that first hug is really where the determination of “success” comes into play.
So what does an adoption reunion look like when it works?


Surrender and Subordination: Birth Mothers and Adoption Law

This article analyzes the provisions in a collection of birth mother surrender documents assembled by the author—seventy-five mid-twentieth century documents executed in twenty-six different states. In order to establish the significance of the surrender document provisions with respect to these claims, the article first relates depictions by birth mothers of a journey from silence to legislative advocacy. The article then examines the conflicting claims about birth mothers that pervade legislative contests over adult adoptee access to original birth certificates. Finally, the article analyzes the provisions of the surrender documents. The analysis of the provisions definitively supports birth mother advocates’ reports that women were neither offered a choice of nor guaranteed lifelong anonymity. Their opponents’ contentions to the contrary, whether motivated by concern for birth mothers or other interests, reinscribe an earlier culture of shame and secrecy, subordinating women’s own wishes and silencing their newly raised voices.


Numbers in Adoption Reunions; How Many People Get Told NO?

I have had a few people tell me that I should stop saying it because by perpetuating that reunion rejection by a birthmother is rare, then it sets up adoptees for disappointment when they are rejected. I can understand that. Yet, as I tried to explain, the factual research that I have available DOES really indicate that less than 1% of relinquishing mothers opt for no contact when given the choice.Of course, we do face the fact that any adoption research is never 100% accurate due to the fact that there is no one agency that oversees or even counts the numbers of adoptions and would enable the entire population of people affect by adoption to be counted.Yet, I would say that about half the adoptees I know struggle with have an nonexistent or unsatisfactory relationship with their found mothers. Why such a difference?




Relationship Tests to Unite Relatives

There are many heart wrenching cases of children wanting to be reunited with their biological parents or relatives wanting to know whether they are truly related to a person they suspect to be their blood relatives. These people simply want and need answers to be able to find that inner peace. The not knowing who you are or where you came from can be a very distressing, life long experience.


About Adoptee Rights: An Open Letter to the News Media

These stories are not isolated. Various members of the adoption community have created vast clearing houses of these images on the many social media sites form Facebook, to Pinterest, to Tumbler where they are tweeted, shared, and hopefully, maybe, find their way to the one person who could provide clues about their origins. We tirelessly share and promote our fellow Adoptionland members and pray that they find those whom they seek. There are over a hundred images like this with the numbers growing daily.


Collecting the Adoptees and Families Searching Images on Facebook

This is one of those times when I am asking for your help on a project. It was barely two weeks ago when Facebook started exploding with the Adoptee Searching Picture memes. Though I know we all tried to keep up and share like crazy cakes, it’s proving to be a difficult task! I was trying to share all the images of Adoptees begging for help finding their families, but I quickly had the longest blog post on the east coast. And then, I remembered Listly!





In Search of a January 1970 Florida Born Female Adoptee

Elizabeth gave birth to a baby girl in January 1970 during the first two weeks of January and her daughter was relinquished to adoption. The adoption, like most during that time, was closed with no telling where her daughter went once she signed the relinquishment papers. It is hoped that perhaps her daughter has requested her non identifying adoption information form the state of Florida. If you are in the age range of 42 and female adoptee from Florida who is searching, please compare to what the possible non identifying information might hold.


Help This Dad Find His Kingston Family

Former Hudson Valley Adoptee Born December 25th, 1976 Searching for His Birthmother While most of the world sees adoption as a good thing, which is forever finding families for unwanted children, I view the system a little differently. As a birthmother who fights for Adoptee Rights, I often focus more on the legislative injustices, systematic corruption, and the loss that is an automatic part of adoption.