WHO: PACT: An Adoption Alliance
WHEN: Saturday, March 9, 2013 – 8:30 p.m
WHERE: Head Royce School Campus; 4315 Lincoln Avenue, Oakland CA 94602
WEBSITE: PACT.org
BONUS: Joyce Maguire Pavao AND Brenda Romanchik are keynotes!
Basically I did what my mother told me to do. I took her choice and made it my own. I trusted her judgment and followed it implicitly. I bought the big fat lie about adoption and gobbled it up as if it was the way and the truth and the light. I didn’t look back. Sure, privately I thought about my daughter. I missed her. I prayed for her. I hoped her ‘Disney’ family was everything it was promised to be. When someone asked if I had kids my reply was, “No, I’m not married yet”. I stuffed my feelings down so far I didn’t realize they were there. I didn’t realize that I was suffering. I still bought that adoption was a good thing for my daughter. And that basic premise was ludicrous.
When we are pregnant, we don’t pump our own gas or dye our hair. We stop smoking and drinking and eat right. We watch our medications, don’t eat sushi, go in hot tubs or ride roller coasters. There is a mass of other “don’ts’ that I forget since it’s been a while, but I think even goat cheese is “bad” when you are pregnant now. Bottom line, we do not do all these that MIGHT somehow endanger our babies. Even if it’s like .00096% of all pregnant women who eat unprocessed cheese get the weird amoeba that could cause blindness in the fetus, we don’t take that chance. So why are we encouraging mothers, who really do NOT have to relinquish to endanger their babies with maternal separation?
The results of this study indicate that attempted suicide is more common among adolescents who live with adoptive parents than among adolescents who live with biological parents. It support the primary hypothesis that adoption is associated with attempted suicide but do not support the secondary hypothesis that the association is mediated by impulsivity. The study results do support the third hypothesis that family connectedness decreases the risk of suicidal behavior regardless of adolescent adoptive or nonadoptive status.
Thus, 18% of adopted children ages 12 to 17 have ever been diagnosed with depression compared with 7% of children in the general population. No particular differences in proportions of children with depression were noted between foster care, domestic, and international adoptees. Researchers and practitioners probably should remain cognizant of the small increased risk of suicidal ideation for certain types of adoptees. In 2010 alone, more than 50,000 children were adopted from public foster care, which does not include the many international, independent, and private adoptions (Vandivere et al., 2009). A 1% to 3% increased rate of suicidal ideation, accumulated across all later adopted youth over a period of years, translates into thousands of individuals with suicidal inclinations. The many adoptive parents whose adopted children experience such thoughts almost certainly would not want this serious matter dismissed as a “small” effect size. Adoption advocacy groups might also take cognizance of these results in efforts to increase support for post-adoption services.
No matter how perfect the outcome, it still hurts. The only way to avoid the hurt is to avoid adoption, and it’s too late for that, for me. The adoption of my son was perfect, I did everything the “right” way and still; the adoption of my son caused unnecessary pain and was wrong. This is way I speak out against adoption today. It’s not because I had a “bad experience”, it’s that it was a “good experience”, and yet there are too many tears and the worry never stops.
What strikes me now is that clearly, from the letters, one of my major concerns is what would I do afterwards, where would I go, how would I survive and that my mother’s home was an unsafe place for me to be. Like really, for my mental health, my mother was damaging to me and returning home after such a loss, I would be even more venerable, but yet.. they sent me back there after I had my baby.
They gladly took my child to protect him, but then left me right back here I was. How is this looking out for my best interests?
” I go to the agency. Talk about depressing! We had to go over all these horrible forms which I’ll have to sign. All official shit. No turning back. ” You understand that you are giving up all rights as a mother and you will never see your child again” I don’t want to sign THAT! It’s so horrid. Until today, it didn’t seem so very real. I feel like it’s a bad dream and I’d like someone to wake me up. There’s no choice. There’s no way out. And I don’t think I like this at all. I’ve always thought about it and felt I could do it fine, but now I can’t image really going through with it forever and I have to. It sucks. I hope I can just stick I tin a box deep deep down like I do with everything and not think about it. As long as I don’t think about it, I’ll do OK, If I can just do it and stuff it in a box.”
What Really Happened When I was Away On the surface, everything here is OK. Inside I’m feeling pretty lost – but nothing can be done about that. I’ll hold out. From my first letter written August 24th, 1987 I think it was back in ’06 when I first asked Laura if she still had my letters from Boston saved. I used to inquire about them periodically. I was writing out…
Elizabeth gave birth to a baby girl in January 1970 during the first two weeks of January and her daughter was relinquished to adoption. The adoption, like most during that time, was closed with no telling where her daughter went once she signed the relinquishment papers. It is hoped that perhaps her daughter has requested her non identifying adoption information form the state of Florida. If you are in the age range of 42 and female adoptee from Florida who is searching, please compare to what the possible non identifying information might hold.
To me, it is clear that we need to have our own show. The response to that idea posted to Facebook was met with enthusiasm. I have gone over all the instructions and documentation. I think it will be fairly easy to pull this off or at least to get it started. Essentially, you and I will sit on either end of a webcam/ Ipad and just talk about adoption. Except it will be live on air on Google Plus and also streaming to YouTube! I’m actually really looking forward to being able to actually speak to so many of us! It will be like we are really hanging out talking about adoption in person!
The agency is telling me that I am asking too much from the adoptive parents, and that I need to get into therapy and move on with my life. They have no idea what being a birthmother is about. They cannot imagine what it feels like to give your child away because others have convinced you that you were not good enough for your own child, only to come to your senses after it’s too late and say to yourself, “I would have been good enough.”
There are many stories that are so much like mine
Other women like me, wounds that don’t heal with time
They made it clear that we had no choice
They took away our child, our life, our voice
“Encouraging Discontent”? Look lady, I’m not the one going over to other people’s blogs and telling them what they should do and how they should feel like royalty and scream about “Birthmama” pride from the rooftops. That whole blog bombing with your “outrage” is not the sign of someone who is content and secure in their decision. See, this wasn’t a blog post about YOU and what YOU wish YOU knew about adoption relinquishment. It was a post about ME so I talked about what I wished and MY experiences. I never said they had to fit YOU. If it doesn’t fit you, it still fits ME and wait, what’s that, a whole lot of other people who bothered to agree in comments, but you didn’t bother reading any of them, did you? You have no right to go dismissing other people’s feelings if you want your own pint of view to be heard.
She looked at me and asked, “Why do people adopt a kid if they can have on of their own?”OK ,You started the adoption process, but then got pregnant. So STOP adopting. You don’t need to anymore! What do you have too much money and time invested or something?