Adoption Mythology

What Does Work in the Adoption Reunion?

Truthfully? I have no idea. What works for one reunion might not work for another. The measure of what makes an adoption reunion successful really does depend on the parties involved and how they measure that success. Are they both satisfied with the measure of contact? Are they both getting what they need out of the relationship? Are the interactions relatively “healthy” aka not destructive to the other party? Again, so many variables, so many different personalities, so many different experiences, differences in timing, in support; how is one supposed to make heads or tails?


Ways to Ruin an Adoption Reunion I

It often seems like a birthmother does not come out directly and say NO during a reunion. Of course, there are too many that do, but then there are a whole slew that just seem to fail miserably in the process of an active reunion. Meaning, on the outside, birthmother and adoptee have some contact, but due to her own damage, or expectation, or limitations, or personal boundaries and fears, over years and sometimes decades, the adoptee finds that the whole relationship feels unsatisfying. I completely understand that what one part might find “acceptable” in a reunion, the other party might really be left wanting way more. Let this go on for too long and what was an initial “yes” can turn into a ” I can’t take this anymore”.


Surrender and Subordination: Birth Mothers and Adoption Law

This article analyzes the provisions in a collection of birth mother surrender documents assembled by the author—seventy-five mid-twentieth century documents executed in twenty-six different states. In order to establish the significance of the surrender document provisions with respect to these claims, the article first relates depictions by birth mothers of a journey from silence to legislative advocacy. The article then examines the conflicting claims about birth mothers that pervade legislative contests over adult adoptee access to original birth certificates. Finally, the article analyzes the provisions of the surrender documents. The analysis of the provisions definitively supports birth mother advocates’ reports that women were neither offered a choice of nor guaranteed lifelong anonymity. Their opponents’ contentions to the contrary, whether motivated by concern for birth mothers or other interests, reinscribe an earlier culture of shame and secrecy, subordinating women’s own wishes and silencing their newly raised voices.


Numbers in Adoption Reunions; How Many People Get Told NO?

I have had a few people tell me that I should stop saying it because by perpetuating that reunion rejection by a birthmother is rare, then it sets up adoptees for disappointment when they are rejected. I can understand that. Yet, as I tried to explain, the factual research that I have available DOES really indicate that less than 1% of relinquishing mothers opt for no contact when given the choice.Of course, we do face the fact that any adoption research is never 100% accurate due to the fact that there is no one agency that oversees or even counts the numbers of adoptions and would enable the entire population of people affect by adoption to be counted.Yet, I would say that about half the adoptees I know struggle with have an nonexistent or unsatisfactory relationship with their found mothers. Why such a difference?


Don’t Poke the Rainbow Farting Unicorns on Twitter

Now, we must remember she is a former ABORTIONIST PROFESSIONAL, so she’s must KNOW better than I about things like MY LIFE. Especially as there must be GOD on her side!
Please tell me what to do. After all, I have had many years of training being a “good birthmother” Yes, yes, perhaps I just need an adoption Kool-Aid booster shot? Give it to me, Abby! I’m just JONESING hardcore for that Adoption Kool-Aid! Yum..Pro-Life flavor!! My fav-o-rite!


Gazillion Voices

Gazillion Voices will be an adoptee-led magazine focusing on topics and issues important to the adoption community and beyond. Currently, while Kevin teases us with posts and excerpts from the inaugural issue, there is a KickStarter campaign going to defray the costs of creating a real magazine! I was thrilled and did not hesitate at all when Kevin asked me if I would consider being part of the LGA team.


My Conflicts in AmericaAdopts and CandadAdopts

I am already well trained to ignore the lovely smiling photos of hopeful couples waiting to adopt. There are many of them, so lots of glancing about for me, trying to find a safe place to rest my eyes. I scan for copy, rather than cheesy grins, and pass over the glorified bios that shout “Pick me, Pick me!”. It’s all bright and shiny. Everyone is happy with their best face forward. Why? Because America Adopts is NOT an adoption agency, it’s an “adoption meeting place”. Whaaaat…? Yup, think dating site, but for knocked up chicks thinking about adoption!


Nominations Open for CCAI’s “Angels in Adoption” Awards

Perhaps it can be considered our own fault that past recipients of the Angels in Adoption Awards are NOT people from our part of AdoptionLand. I think we should change that. At least we will have more cause to complain if we are actually nominating people that WE think make a difference, rather than watching and grumbling when some other celebrity adoption makes more news.




A Tale of an AdoptionLand Battle

I have a little bedtime story to tell you my friends. Some of you shared the moments leading up to this, actual, fairy tale ending a you had been participating during the creation of it. Many of you have a part in making it become a happy ending, and that’s why this story gets it own post. If you have been with me up to that point, please feel free to skip down, but don’t go! Our story is NOT over yet! And it’s worth it, I promise! There is a VERY happy ending!!


Shameful Sisterhood: Advanced Birthmother Shaming 201

To each and every one of us who has known the pain of empty arms, I am sorry that you have been hurt in this way by the adoption industry, but let us keep focus on those who have hurt us, the adoption industry, not those who suffered the same fate. Yes, you have your own feelings, your own story, your own truth and your own beliefs. They are yours, they have a place and you have a right to share them. However, we cannot dilute the strength of one, but should add to it. We should not be screaming to be heard, but taking turns lifting each other up in support. We should not be angry when another’s views are different, but understand that each mother has different resting places along the journey. We should not begrudge mother who chooses to use different tools or uses different language especially when we have the same common goals, a share vision.




We Should Pay MUCH More Attention to Korea Adoption Reform

Horray for Working together for adoption reform!By 2015, adoption agencies in Korea will NO LONGER be allowed to run unwed mothers facilities, mothers MUST have one week AFTER giving birth before they relinquish and single mothers get additional support to parent.

In contrast, almost every single one of the US adoption groups supports OBC access for adult adoptees and has, for the most part, since they were begun..some in the 1970’s. They made more progress in 5 years in Korean than we have managed to do in the past 40 plus years in the USA.

Because they worked together. Can I say that again? They work together. And now, I shall rant.