I wrote this some time ago as a submission to some contest some place. I have been holding on to it until today. It was ten years ago today that this happened. Last Hours of Cold She couldn’t find a freaking parking space to save her life. After all the meticulous planning and her careful timeline, she was going to be late because she couldn’t find any visitor or public…
Yes, it is complex being a birth mother. This one act involves a duality of polar opposites. How can I be a victim of an industry, yet I made a choice? How can I be selfless and selfish at the same time? How I can I be a survivor, yet completely broken? How can I do the unthinkable, and then manage to carry on? How could I have been so weak as to lose my child, to not fight for him, and then so strong as to breath into another day?
You are a mother. This is your child. You do owe them and they have a right to truth, reality and to know the person who gave them life. Yes, a right, I said that. The adoptee has a RIGHT to know where they come from. No adoptee should not have to be a banned as a dirty little secret their whole life. No one should have to have their very existence denied to protect another’s feelings, even their own mothers.
I have been in a bad funk while I have been waiting for my hair to grow out so I can cut it off. At least waiting for ONE of the two has come to an end.I cut off all my hair. Not sure if this a transitional color. Not sure if this is still part of the transitional stage. Not sure if I am ready to come out of my chrysalis quite yet, but trying to jump start this processes at least.
“Hole in My Heart” isn’t light reading, but it is compelling and necessary. Perhaps it is best described as s strong dose of medicine; a strong antidote to adoption mythology, and a injection of raw honesty wrapped up in a riveting story of a life uncommon to most, much like a spoonful of sugar. The truth goes down smooth leaving needed ethical questions emerging as an aftertaste.
The official and infamous Crack Whore Birth Mother t-shirt is leaving AdoptionLand forever. Say goodbye. It has served its time, turned some heads, had its day, but that time is over.
I have to say quite clearly; Birthmother and actress Kate Mulgrew’s new memoir “Born with Teeth” is NOT an adoption book. It’s really a memoir of an actress who is a birthmother. The adoption story part of it is very true to the experience and very real, very raw and one will find themselves totally “getting it”. There just isn’t nearly as much “adoption” as one might think based on the press coverage. Like she really goes into way more and, in some ways much deeper and better, with the interviews. Granted she does write about the relinquishment, but after that, until the VERY end, it’s more of an undercurrent of sorts that doesn’t really get addressed all that much, but referred to in passing. If you are looking for birthmother validation, then you might be disappointed.
Help Shape OUR Birthmother Presentation; In my head, I am telling the story, presenting facts and research that supports what I am saying, with actual quotes by YOU ALL showing on the screen. I would very much to have some really good images of moms that can help break apart every possible stereotype and open that door to get them thinking more. Even if it turns out that maybe there are only six stories that get highlighted, at least it’s not just mine. So like I always say, your voices will give my presentation WAY more credibility.
I felt 100 time “lighter” immediately. I actually DO feel likeit’s over. We have managed to break through the hold and restrictions that adoption has tried to put on our mother son relationship and it can’t do any more damage, Adoption, as a real threat to me and my son, is done. It’s over. It cannot hurt us anymore. The adoption industry might have tried and maybe it’s not the way I wish it had been, but that just doesn’t matter anymore because we are OK. Our connection is still there and we value it and it works.
The three judges, two women, one man, sit behind what looks to be a cherry and oak huge bench. This bench crosses the whole length of the room, separating us and the lawyers, from the judges, from justice. I really just want to cross that divide and just be able to sit with these folks, who I see as just human beings, and tell them what has been going on in this little boy’s life. I want to plead with them to please do the right thing and make this family whole again. But the “process” means briefs and files and wait times and others who posture and dance, more hurry up to deadlines, and then wait wait wait, more wasted time, lost forever, wasted by this unethical adoption agency, in this baby’s life.
Going back to Boston feels like going back to time. I feel like all these parts of me are swirling together but it feels good. It feels, I think, like it is supposed to. I look around my office, my house, my window, my street. I think of my home, my family, my husband, my children, my friends, my neighbors, my colleagues. I am just so beyond grateful for being here now.
Is it weird to dance and cry your face off because you are just relieved that you are actually happy?
The simple fact is that we CAN do this. And it is becoming more and more clear that we MUST do this. So if you are at all interested in actually DOING something to really help preserve families, support successful parenting and provide a viable option to a unplanned crisis pregnancy and avoid adoption, PLEASE join this list.
Looking for examples of experiences where a hospital nurse directly interacted with a mom and in some way pushed an unwanted opinion on adoption. Whether or not this opinion resulted in a changed outcome isn’t as important as what was said, how it was said and how it made you feel.
When a man fathers a child and chooses, for whatever reason, to ignore the existence of that child, do we respect his wishes overall and grant him his right to his anonymity? No.. so why do mothers receive this “protection” ? Why are we ONLY concerned with the mothers? If this fear was legitimate, then wouldn’t it be fair and expected to extend that concerned to the father’s as well? Should not all people be protected, then, from long lost relatives that might infringe upon their lives and seek out relationships with them?
I think most of us write because we have something valid to say and we do want to share our point of view. That’s important as all our voices matter, but the things is, of course, it only works if someone else actually sees our words and reads them. And that’s what syndication on MOTL can do; you WILL get more people reading your words. This isn’t about tooting my own horn, but the fact is that this site usually ranks number one nationally in Google for many relevant and important search terms. And yes, there is that simple fact that over a third of a million pages, 377,378 URLs to be exact, were seen on the site here in 2014. Most “posts” initially are seen by approximately 1000 readers. However, I can also say that I know there is a direct correlation between the number of posts and the amount of views; more posts generates way more traffic- so in this way the system continues to feed itself!
Are you in? Please?
All I Need is Your Feed