Birthmother Rules

Choices of the damned; Damned if you do, damned if you don't

A Birthmothers Life, Community November 12, 2012

Supporting People in Adoption, in Life; What Does it Mean?

When I think about my own relinquishment and I could not tell you who “supported” it and who didn’t. I guess in public view, I was “supported” because no one told me it was a really bad idea, but no one, except of course the adoption agency, said it was real great idea either. I don’t think anyone knew what the hell to do or what to say, so they just followed my lead and “supported” whatever I wanted. Based on that definition of “support” I wish someone had been really “unsupported” of the adoption and given me a hard time!

Adoption Questions and Facts, Before Making an Adoption Plan, Relinquishment November 11, 2012

Hard Truths; A Birthmother is Abandoning Her Child

Somewhere inside, they are baby who misses their mothers smell and they don’t have the words to describe that feeling. Someone inside they could be a 3 year old who is scared and angry and wishes that you could come and take them away. Someday, they could turn out to be a person who doesn’t care about stuff, but only wants to fit in with people that get them. Or maybe, just maybe, they think that THEY should have been important enough to warrant a better plan on our part. That THEY were worth working harder, pinching pennies, putting off school, fighting the system, arguing with parents, going on social services.

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Does adoption save children form abuse? NO!

Adoption Questions and Facts, Relinquishment November 10, 2012

Does Voluntary Adoption Relinquishment Save Children from Abuse?

Somewhere along the line the connection has been made that young, unwed mothers with unplanned pregnancies are destined to live a life of poverty and drag their children down with them by abusing their children, resenting their existence, and failing to provide an adequate life. The simple answer is given that if more of these women made adoption plans when facing these unplanned pregnancies then we could prevent future involvement by Child Protective Services and keep these children in ideal homes from the get go, removing the need for Foster homes, and prevent the damage created by the initial abuse. It’s a lovely concept, but like so much in adoption, it is seriously flawed and this belief is not based on fact.

Adoption is not a gift!

Before Making an Adoption Plan, Cultural Views on Adoption, Relinquishment November 7, 2012

Good Mothers Don’t Even Think About Adoption!

We see the messages that mother who keeps the child that she can ill-afford is considered irresponsible. The mother who needs public assistance is considered a freeloader. The mother who gets pregnant again too soon should “know better how babies are made”. The mother who is too young and unwed should have “thought about the consequences before she spread her legs”. The single mother raising her children is “breaking the fabric of the American values”.

Research into adoption surrender documents

Adoption Research & Statistics, Relinquishment October 9, 2012

Birth Parents in Adoption: Research, Practice, and Counseling Psychology

Mary O’Leary Wiley; Independent Practice Amanda L. Baden; Montclair State University This article addresses birth parents in the adoption triad by reviewing and integrating both the clinical and empirical literature from a number of professional disciplines with practice case studies. This review includes literature on the decision to relinquish one’s child for adoption, the early postrelinquishment period, and the effects throughout the lifespan on birth parents. Clinical symptoms for birth…

Research into adoption surrender documents

Adoption Research & Statistics, Relinquishment October 8, 2012

Known Consequences of Separating Mother and Child at Birth Implications for Further Study

 Wendy Jacobs, B.Sc., B.A.    “The past is never fully gone. It is absorbed into the present and the future. It stays to shape what we are and what we do.” Sir William Deane, Inaugural Lingiari Lecture, Darwin, 22 August 1996 Separating mother and child at birth was the way adoption was practiced in Australia in the latter half of last century. We have heard from other speakers about current…

Research into adoption surrender documents

Adoption Research & Statistics, Reunions & Support October 8, 2012

Ongoing Adoption Reunions

This article describes the expectations, responses to unmet expectations, and factors that influence adoption reunion outcomes. Themes derived for interviews with 10 adult adoptees and 10 birth mothers who had each experienced an adoption reunion beyond an initial face-to-face meeting are reported.

Adoptees have no choice

Birthmother Regrets & Lessons, Relinquishment, The Adoption Industry October 8, 2012

Adoption Speech:”Mothers Without Their Children”

The Association for Research on Mothering York University  Karen Lynn  2001 Good afternoon. This speech is a message from the mothers of the Canadian Council of Birthmothers, mothers who have suffered the trauma of having lost a child or children to adoption and who are learning to understand what happened to us and our children. Much of what I say here is a collection of thoughts shared by the members…

Family Reunions or difficult times ahead? Maybe both.

Adoption Questions and Facts, Reunions & Support October 3, 2012

An Adoptee Asks Reunion Question

I can tell you that many moms are just so worried about saying the wrong things that we are still afraid to open up and be real… the internal censor is on big time because we do not know what to do and are SO afraid of being sent away emotionally. Maybe this isn’t the case with her since you say she really reacts intensely, but that openness and honestly is a hard place to get to. I think it hard to trust the new relationship as permanent and get to that place.

Adoption language and use of the word birthmother for SEO

Adoption Questions and Facts August 19, 2012

How do People Search and Find Adoption Information Online

What the date tells me above is what I already know. If you are writing about adoption, then the word adoption needs to be used. And if one is writing about issues in adoption that pertain to being a mother who relinquished, then I want those 1/3 a million monthly searches to have a chance of finding things here and that means using the word birthmother. I won’t call you one, but I’m going to write with it.

What's in a Word: Birthmother

Birthmother Regrets & Lessons, Cultural Views on Adoption January 20, 2012

Who Wants to Be a Birthmother?

What’s in a Word: Birthmother I was asked to write a piece about why mothers who relinquished children to adoption might be upset by the use of the word birthmother by Adoption Mosaic. 700 words on a topic I know quite well, so I said no problem. And then I struggled. About 16 revisions later, and with the deadline looming, I sent off what I THOUGHT was my final version…