This whole election has just made me feel HATED for being a women and I am just having trouble understanding it. I have trouble understanding we are having these conversations with the other side. I have trouble understanding WHY there even IS another side!
Wendy Jacobs, B.Sc., B.A. “The past is never fully gone. It is absorbed into the present and the future. It stays to shape what we are and what we do.” Sir William Deane, Inaugural Lingiari Lecture, Darwin, 22 August 1996 Separating mother and child at birth was the way adoption was practiced in Australia in the latter half of last century. We have heard from other speakers about current…
The Association for Research on Mothering York University Karen Lynn 2001 Good afternoon. This speech is a message from the mothers of the Canadian Council of Birthmothers, mothers who have suffered the trauma of having lost a child or children to adoption and who are learning to understand what happened to us and our children. Much of what I say here is a collection of thoughts shared by the members…
The Reaction of the Adoption Community The Oxygen Network’s New Show “I’m Having Their Baby” has caused quite a commotion in the adoption community to say the least. While we have seen expectant mothers considering adoption to be exploited before for entertainment value (The 2004 20/20 Barbara Walters Adoption Special “Be My Baby”) or the brunt of “funny” jokes and black humor (2007’s Juno), the issue isn’t so much the…
I’m 18 and have no diploma or GED. I plan on going to college and doing something with myself, but as of right now I live with someone else. I feel very sad thinking about this baby and about how my relationship and life is going to change and I’m curious about whether this is hormones or not. I feel HORRIBLE for the way I feel. Do you think I can have a baby now, keep her and still have a happy life and relationships?
Adoption is particularly hard because it is never something we really learn about before we find it in our lives. I know I never dreamed that one day I would grow up, have a baby, give him to other parents to raise and not see him for 19 years. I believe that is true for many adoptive parents as well. Maybe you always felt that you would eventually adopt a child, maybe you were always intrigued, maybe you thought about it long and hard, or maybe suddenly, you just felt that you were thrust into it, maybe you entered it blindly; I don’t know, but I bet, looking back now, you would say that you had no idea what the experience of adoption a child would really be like. That you think now there was no way to have planned for it all. You could not have known
I think it is that mere ideal of who I am and who I represent that make people think I must be also a threat in body because I pose a threat to ideals, most specifically to adoption related ideals. I am an adoptive parents worse nightmare. I am a rule breaking, regretful, outspoken, demanding “birth” mother.
A Look at Birthmothers, Decision Making, and Denial It was close to 10 years ago, if not more the first time I was called out on being a birthmother in denial. Max was only 13 and years away from being found and I was new to the adoption community online. I was still saying things like “Adoption was the hardest decision, but the best choice for my baby I could…
What’s in a Word: Birthmother I was asked to write a piece about why mothers who relinquished children to adoption might be upset by the use of the word birthmother by Adoption Mosaic. 700 words on a topic I know quite well, so I said no problem. And then I struggled. About 16 revisions later, and with the deadline looming, I sent off what I THOUGHT was my final version…
I’m in the midst of it all: Adoption Trauma week or better known the Season of Max. So here it is; it’s November. The week from hell. Trying to remain “normal”, but feeling so very tightly strung up as if I could break or snap at any moment. Tired, impatient, restless, annoyed, teary, over excited, sad. Friday: Finish another long week, and promptly get into a stupid agreement with Rye…
Here it comes. I don’t know why I am surprised. It’s November. It’s National Adoption Awareness Month. Max’s Birthday is on Saturday. My due date for him was tomorrow November 12th. Into the Season of Max I roll.. Gotcha Gotcha Gotcha! I feel the big cranky coming on. Tuesday night when I found myself almost in tears over a pretty much a nothing conversation with Rye, I immediately thought “PMS?”,…
Adoption was almost more like a crack that happened in my soul. A crack that that I thought and was encouraged to believe that would be temporary or always below the surface. Over time, the rest of life worked it’s way in, like water in cement and caused the very foundation of myself to crumble
Honestly, really. I think I should get paid off for relinquishing Max to adoption. The happy fuzzy feelings from relinquishment and my adoption counseling has worn off. It’s been gone for years now. Instead, I think maybe getting at least some cash for the years of pain and suffering won’t do any good in getting back what I lost, but nothing ever will. At least, I could get some new…
Back to “normal” life, but nothing would ever be the same normal again. That was always the bit of irony about adoption. You went through this experience, this incredible perceived “sacrifice” and certainly a heartache for the ultimate plan to not have your life changed, but no one tells you how unavoidable that is. You can’t have a baby and place it for adoption with the experience changing your very…
This story begins here:” How to Begin a BirthMother: Chapter 1“ As an unmet, joyful and excited couple marveled and cooed over my precious baby, now theirs.. I was then packing all my meager belongings, waiting for my mother, sad goodbyes, uncomfortable silence, more feelings of shame. As they fussed over the first diapers changed, and made happy phone calls, I was on the cold drive back..5 hours due to…