Reunion

What Does Work in the Adoption Reunion?

Truthfully? I have no idea. What works for one reunion might not work for another. The measure of what makes an adoption reunion successful really does depend on the parties involved and how they measure that success. Are they both satisfied with the measure of contact? Are they both getting what they need out of the relationship? Are the interactions relatively “healthy” aka not destructive to the other party? Again, so many variables, so many different personalities, so many different experiences, differences in timing, in support; how is one supposed to make heads or tails?


Ways to Ruin an Adoption Reunion I

It often seems like a birthmother does not come out directly and say NO during a reunion. Of course, there are too many that do, but then there are a whole slew that just seem to fail miserably in the process of an active reunion. Meaning, on the outside, birthmother and adoptee have some contact, but due to her own damage, or expectation, or limitations, or personal boundaries and fears, over years and sometimes decades, the adoptee finds that the whole relationship feels unsatisfying. I completely understand that what one part might find “acceptable” in a reunion, the other party might really be left wanting way more. Let this go on for too long and what was an initial “yes” can turn into a ” I can’t take this anymore”.


What is a Successful Adoption Reunion?

Let’s face it ; we all love a good adoption reunion story. The media loves a reunion story. Most people off the street love a reunion story. In AdoptionLand, we especially enjoy hearing that another family separated by adoption has managed to beat the industry rules and find their way home. We marvel at the similarities and “near misses”. We get teary eyed seeing the cries of joy and the airport hugs. Yet, what happens after that first contact, that first find, that first phone call, that first hug is really where the determination of “success” comes into play.
So what does an adoption reunion look like when it works?


Surrender and Subordination: Birth Mothers and Adoption Law

This article analyzes the provisions in a collection of birth mother surrender documents assembled by the author—seventy-five mid-twentieth century documents executed in twenty-six different states. In order to establish the significance of the surrender document provisions with respect to these claims, the article first relates depictions by birth mothers of a journey from silence to legislative advocacy. The article then examines the conflicting claims about birth mothers that pervade legislative contests over adult adoptee access to original birth certificates. Finally, the article analyzes the provisions of the surrender documents. The analysis of the provisions definitively supports birth mother advocates’ reports that women were neither offered a choice of nor guaranteed lifelong anonymity. Their opponents’ contentions to the contrary, whether motivated by concern for birth mothers or other interests, reinscribe an earlier culture of shame and secrecy, subordinating women’s own wishes and silencing their newly raised voices.


Numbers in Adoption Reunions; How Many People Get Told NO?

I have had a few people tell me that I should stop saying it because by perpetuating that reunion rejection by a birthmother is rare, then it sets up adoptees for disappointment when they are rejected. I can understand that. Yet, as I tried to explain, the factual research that I have available DOES really indicate that less than 1% of relinquishing mothers opt for no contact when given the choice.Of course, we do face the fact that any adoption research is never 100% accurate due to the fact that there is no one agency that oversees or even counts the numbers of adoptions and would enable the entire population of people affect by adoption to be counted.Yet, I would say that about half the adoptees I know struggle with have an nonexistent or unsatisfactory relationship with their found mothers. Why such a difference?


Adoptees Wanted for Social Media Search Exposure

Do you know adoptees searching, either using the Facebook images, preferably with many shares and attention, or willing to go social, who are emotionally ready and willing to go public? Who really needs the help with exposure? Who can handle the sensation filming? Who can represent?




Relationship Tests to Unite Relatives

There are many heart wrenching cases of children wanting to be reunited with their biological parents or relatives wanting to know whether they are truly related to a person they suspect to be their blood relatives. These people simply want and need answers to be able to find that inner peace. The not knowing who you are or where you came from can be a very distressing, life long experience.


Born Baby Wagner, Died Alyssa Rachael Toner

I did not know Alyssa Toner. What I do know, though, is that Alyssa was searching and cannot finish her search. She made the video, but it does not show up in searches for her birth date. The article about her adoption birthmother search does not seem have been published. The news stories about her death, do, right now, but as time passes, news articles like these get achieved and fall way down on the search rankings. Maybe her search will be forgotten completely. Maybe her account will be taken down, the video eventually deleted and, if her birthmother ever does decide to search, she will never find anything at all.

The message will be lost.


Collecting the Adoptees and Families Searching Images on Facebook

This is one of those times when I am asking for your help on a project. It was barely two weeks ago when Facebook started exploding with the Adoptee Searching Picture memes. Though I know we all tried to keep up and share like crazy cakes, it’s proving to be a difficult task! I was trying to share all the images of Adoptees begging for help finding their families, but I quickly had the longest blog post on the east coast. And then, I remembered Listly!



Secondary Adoptee Rejection in Adoption Reunions

No one is trying to find their birthmothers to throw stones or cast blame, yet on that emotional level we have to acknowledge that the adoptee can feel rejected by the act of adoption placement whether voluntary or forced. It doesn’t matter how they can now, as adult, intellectualize the circumstances of their relinquishment, the child inside still knows the pain and that child wants it’s mother. There is an innocence there in this need to reconnect. It is pure feeling.


The Risk of Genetic Sexual Attraction for Adoptees and Birth Parents in Reunions

“Parent and child go through a very complex bonding process from the beginning of life to the first six years,” she said. “They go through phases and in the teen years, they separate. That whole process goes dormant until they reunite as adults. It’s almost like it awakens back the recognition in that the other person is a mirror of yourself.” DeNeen said she felt like she was regressing back to childhood, falling in love and looking to her dad as a hero. “I felt a lot of need for intimacy,” she said. “The lines were so blurry.” But she makes it clear that she never had sexual intercourse with her father, even though the relationship was “very inappropriate.” And like others who experience GSA, she crossed physical boundaries that were “embarrassing, confusing, amazing and overwhelming,”


Ongoing Adoption Reunions

This article describes the expectations, responses to unmet expectations, and factors that influence adoption reunion outcomes. Themes derived for interviews with 10 adult adoptees and 10 birth mothers who had each experienced an adoption reunion beyond an initial face-to-face meeting are reported.